Today, let's talk about the matter of mattering. Of creating a life where you matter, your dreams matter, and your everyday matters. In this episode, I'm opening the pages of my book to share a very personal struggle with mattering and the seven signs that mattering may be your missing piece. I'm also giving you my tips on becoming a woman who matters.

We all want to matter and lead lives that matter. So stick around and let's talk about the matter of mattering.

Welcome to The Self-Creation School podcast, for women who are ready to ditch mediocrity, step up and get more of what they want, and finally say YES! to a life that sets their soul on fire. I'm your host Leanne Letica, Self-Creation Coach, founder of The Self-Creation School AND Queen of YES!. If you're ready to play life by your own personal rule book, and give yourself permission to say YES! to yourself and your wildest dreams, this podcast is the place for you.

I am very humbled to share this episode with you today, so thanks so much for joining me. In the past week, there has been a whole lot of new listeners listening in. So if you are new to this podcast, a very warm welcome to you. Of course, for those of you who have been joining me week in, week out, I love so much that you choose to spend some of your one precious life in my company and really appreciate your support of this podcast and for helping me spread my message as so many of you do.

I truly believe we can all say YES! to a life that we love waking up to every single day, and I am committed to helping as many women as I can do exactly that through the conversations I have right here in this podcast and the work I do as a coach within The Self-Creation School. So I am really very grateful to be a part of your personal journey and to hopefully make even just a small difference in your world.

So today, I want to talk about the matter of mattering. This is a topic that is super close to my heart. It has played a very big part in my journey. And I am going to invite you to get up close and personal with me and come inside my own personal world by sharing with you parts of my own story that feel a little raw and vulnerable to share with you, if I'm honest, but I think really highlight what it is I want to talk about when it comes to the matter of mattering.

In the years leading up to my midlife reinvention, otherwise known as my midlife meltdown, if you've heard me speak about this before, I had this lingering feeling there was something missing in my life. I couldn't put my finger on it for the longest time. I just knew something was really off and I didn't wake up every day feeling truly happy. Instead, I felt kind of lost in this numbness of just going through the motions and living out the same monotonous routine, day in, day out, that didn't bring me a whole lot of excitement and didn't feel like it had any real purpose.

On the surface, I was living a really good life at the time. I had experienced a great deal of success and many extraordinary things in my life. I had an abundance to be grateful for. And from the outside looking in, I certainly didn't have any excuse to complain about my life. So, to feel like things were somehow less than they could be, made me feel quite guilty and ashamed.

It led me to believe that there was something really wrong with me because if I couldn't be happy having ticked all of these boxes that society and other people said I should tick, then what else was there? If I had failed at being happy with the extraordinary success I had achieved in my life, going from a Millionaire's Maid to making my own millions, then surely I was just a failure full stop.

And because I felt so guilty and ashamed of feeling like there should be something more despite the success and the kind of life I was living, I began to tell myself that if this wasn't enough, then I wasn't worthy of anything more. In fact, I wasn't even worthy of the life I was living. I didn't belong in it. I was a fraud, an imposter. Because I had all the appearances of being a success, but really, I was a complete failure because this success that was supposed to make me happy, alive and fulfilled, didn’t.

And I was afraid of being found out. So I swept my feelings under the carpet for years and tried to pretend that these feelings didn't exist. I tried hard to simply live the life I was living.

But the longer I tried to ignore these feelings inside me, the more unhappy I felt. The more unhappy I felt, the more I judged myself, criticized myself, and beat myself up for being this unhappy, unsatisfied woman who didn't deserve the life she was living. The more I beat myself up for my life not being enough, the more I felt like it was me who wasn't enough. Like I had somehow failed at being a human being. And as a result, I overcompensated in everything I did to the point of emotional and physical exhaustion to try and prove my worth.

I took perfectionism and high standards to a whole outer universe level, my friend. I became unable to make even the simplest of decisions for fear of getting it wrong and exposing my not-enoughness. I dug my heels in and showed up even more how I thought other people expected me to and said YES! to everyone and everything else but me. I tolerated being treated in ways, and treating myself in ways, I wouldn't dream of treating anybody else. And let me tell you, I didn't like for one minute being that woman.

But when it came to the real me, I had written myself off. I don't know exactly when it happened, but I completely lost sight of who she even was. Maybe I never even really knew because I had long decided that being loved, accepted, approved of, and valued as a human being was conditional on being who I was expected to be, and that person certainly wasn't me.

And therein lay the real problem and why it is I'm sharing this story with you. You see, the missing part of my life for all of those years, was mattering. I felt like I didn't matter, and that my life didn't matter, and I wanted desperately to matter. To feel loved, accepted, approved of, and valued.

The problem wasn't that society's boxes didn't make me happy, that the success I had achieved wasn't enough. In truth, those things did, and do, actually bring me a lot of happiness and fulfillment.

The problem was that all the money in the world won't buy you the feeling of being loved, accepted, approved of, and valued. It won't buy you SELF Wealth. All those SELF things like self-worth, self-love, self-belief, self-trust, self-respect, self-acceptance, self-approval. And my SELF Wealth had been running below zero for a very long time.

Because here's what happens, when you outsource your SELF Wealth to other people and to external markers of success, basically you put the whole of your self-concept, your self-identity, into the hands of chance. There's a chance other people will top up your SELF Wealth bank balance and an even greater chance, they will not. The reality is the only person who can reliably build your SELF Wealth bank account is you. SELF Wealth is an inside only job, it's up to your SELF.

The biggest problem when it comes to relying on other people or external markers of success to make deposits into your SELF Wealth bank account is that the cost that comes with it usually far outweighs the deposit.

The cost of constantly saying YES! to everyone else at the expense of your own wants, needs and desires. The cost of ticking off all the boxes but your own. The cost of keeping up appearances that bring you no joy. The cost of going through the motions, day in, day out, of a life that doesn't excite you and feels like it has no purpose.

The costs of constantly putting other people first as if somehow, they matter or they're more valuable than you. The cost of feeling like you never measure up and overcompensating to try and prove your value to the point of burnout and emotional exhaustion. The cost of shrinking your dreams and settling for less than you truly are capable of. The cost of not embracing opportunities for fear of being judged and rejected.

The cost of living a life where you aren't celebrated for you, the real you, or living a life you could live, if you weren't so busy trying to live the life you should, to prove your worth as a human being.

When my line-in-the-sand moment came, that morning I looked at this woman I was being in the mirror with such loathing, so much disgust and disappointment, I realized that the thing I wanted most, was to feel like I mattered. I wanted to matter, most of all to myself. I wanted all of my dreams to matter, not just the ones society approved of or told me I should fulfill. And I wanted my every day to feel like it mattered, like there was a meaningful reason I had been given this life.

Last week, I was reminded of this moment, of just how much I wanted to matter. My business coach and I were talking about tapping more into where I was at, in that “not doing this anymore” moment, to connect at a deeper level with the women I help. And it led me to going back to read some of my earlier journals.

And I've got to tell you, some of the stuff I read, was really hard for me to read. But two things stood out so clearly from what I had written, and as crazy vulnerable as this makes me feel, I want to share them with you because I know a lot of you struggle with this too. And I know if you are listening into this podcast, there's a pretty good chance you have drawn your own line-in-the-sand and declared no more.

So, let's do this. The first thing I came across that really stood out to me in my journal was this.

“I don't feel loved by me, my husband, or anyone. Okay, maybe the cat. I really feel like I'm never quite good enough and love is always conditional on me being something someone expects me to be.”

And the second thing was a rating out of 10 I gave myself, and here's what I wrote.

“I think I'm only half the person I really believe I can be. I know without a doubt I have the skills and ability to achieve extraordinary things in my life. But I lack so much in my self-esteem, confidence in who I am and how I look, that it's like a whole half of me is existing in a world that is totally opposite to that of my talents. It's like, I'm half in, half out, so I rate myself a 5 out of 10.”

Coming across these two parts of my journal and of my journey reminded me so clearly of why I do the work I do today and inspired me to share this podcast with you. So many of you, like me, all those years ago, struggle with loving yourself, with accepting and approving of yourself, with allowing yourself to be enough, with allowing yourself to be worthy simply because you exist. You struggle with saying YES! to you.

And so many of you, deep down, want to matter for who you truly are, all of who you are, and pursue a life that matters to you without a care in the world as to what other people think, of whether they approve or not. You want to be done with constantly living up to, or often down to, down, other people's expectations and still feeling like you are irrelevant in your life.

So today I want to share with you, first of all, some of the signs that the thing you're searching for is to matter, and then offer you some tips on how you can create a life where you do matter, where your dreams matter, and your everyday matters.

Now, I shared many of the signs of wanting to matter in my own story just now but let me pull them out and highlight them for you.

The first sign is that you feel unfulfilled. You have unmet needs, and you feel stuck in a monotonous routine repeating those same old, same old, mundane daily activities that lack any real excitement and meaning for you. You're just going through the motions and deep down you long for more excitement and purpose in your life. The kind of passion for your life, or zest if you like, and purpose that makes you excited to leap out of bed every morning.

You might also identify this as feeling like you lack direction, like you feel lost in some way, or empty perhaps, or that you are struggling to find meaning in either who you are or in your life.

The second sign is you lack confidence. You struggle with self-doubt and imposter syndrome, and it makes you question your worth and your capabilities constantly. You struggle to believe in yourself and find yourself often feeling like a fraud, like you don't belong despite your credentials or achievements. It's the who am I kind of thinking, and this lack of confidence in yourself is preventing you from pursuing your true desires and potential in case you are exposed for not being truly capable or worthy.

You will find yourself avoiding opportunities and avoiding speaking up for fear of failure, for fear of being found out. And likely, you are feeling unfulfilled because you are indeed not living up to your full potential.

The third sign is not feeling good enough. This is a big one. You constantly feel inadequate and struggle with a sense of being unworthy or undeserving. So you constantly compare yourself to other people and how you don't measure up. Which only serves to increase your self-doubt and your fear of judgment.

This feeling of not being good enough undermines your confidence and it prevents you from fully engaging in your personal and your professional life.

Are you starting to see how these signs are overlapping and how they play into one another?

Okay, so sign number four is feeling invisible in your own life. You feel like you go unnoticed in social and professional settings, and that you are always being overlooked and undervalued. This leads to a deep sense of insignificance, and it drives you to seek out external validation and recognition to affirm your worth.

The fifth sign is feeling overwhelmed and exhausted by pretense. So what I mean here is the keeping up of appearances. You feel burdened by the need to maintain appearances and tick all the boxes but find no happiness in doing so. This often leads to burnout and stress from trying to meet external expectations all of the time.

The pretense of having it all together is exhausting and unfulfilling, and it leaves you feeling disconnected from your true self and really unhappy with your life.

Sign number six is people-pleasing and seeking external validation. You prioritize other people's needs before your own and look for confirmation of your worthiness through external markers of success or other people's approval.

You have difficulty saying no to other people even when it means, and it often does, neglecting your personal needs, wants and desires, and sacrificing your own happiness and well-being in the process.

And sign number seven, now I'm going to throw this one in because I think it really plays into our sense of losing significance as we age, of fading into irrelevance like society tends to make us believe will happen, which adds to our struggle of mattering.

And so sign number seven is you are concerned with aging and your self-image is suffering as a result of the physical changes you are either starting to notice or are in the full throes of experiencing.

You don't feel so vibrant and energetic like you used to, and you find yourself becoming highly critical of your appearance. You are seeing every single line that seems to appear out of nowhere, every curve that changes. And likely, you're beating yourself up for letting yourself go, or for not taking better care of yourself over the years.

Your self-esteem is running low, and you're feeling unattractive and this new sense of frumpiness that has set in that you haven't had before. And this is all affecting your confidence and how you perceive yourself, especially in terms of your SELF Wealth. Remember those things like self-love, self-acceptance, self-approval, and so on. So you find yourself wanting to shrink into the shadows and maybe resign yourself to having lost your youth and all the opportunities to matter that go with it.

You might even be thinking, it's too late for me now. It's too late to suddenly change paths. Too late to start again. Too late to find my passion and purpose in life. Too late to be relevant, to matter, and create a life that matters.

Now, what all of these things have in common is the core underlying issue is a lack of self-worth. That sense of not having value. In essence, of not mattering.

You might not realize it, but low self-worth is driving so many of your struggles. Like feeling unfulfilled, feeling like you don't have meaning or your life doesn't have meaning, not feeling confident in yourself and your abilities, the constant self-doubt and second guessing yourself. The constant seeking of validation through people-pleasing and external markers of success, ticking all those boxes, being someone you are not. Being critical of yourself, and denying yourself the opportunity to be authentically you, and to value yourself just as you are because you are inherently worthy, independent of anyone else's tick of approval.

So once you understand that this missing piece you're looking for is grounded in the matter of mattering, and that mattering goes hand in hand with self-worth, the worthiness you give to yourself, then you open a door to creating a life where you do matter, where your dreams do matter, and your everyday does matter.

Imagine walking into a room, feeling like you belong and that you have value to offer, knowing that you deserve to take up space. You confidently engage in social gatherings, express your opinions in personal or professional settings. And say YES! to new opportunities without all the self-doubt and second guessing.

Imagine waking up each morning with a clear vision for your life, setting and achieving personal and professional goals that truly make you feel a sense of pride and accomplishment, and feeling driven by a meaningful mission. that excites you every day.

Imagine living a lifestyle that is richly satisfying, in every way that matters uniquely to you. Finding joy in your everyday activities, celebrating personal achievements with people who truly celebrate you for you. Enjoying quality time with loved ones without needing to compromise who you be, your needs or your happiness and ending every day with a sense of feeling complete.

Imagine living true to yourself and no longer seeking validation from others or by ticking predefined boxes of success. Making decisions based on your values, the things that are important to you. Making life choices that align with your desires, pursuing hobbies and interests freely, expressing your true feelings and opinions freely, expressing who you want to be freely, and living according to your own rules without fear of judgment and without the fear of rejection.

Imagine waking up and greeting yourself in the mirror every morning with a love and appreciation for the woman you see. And treating yourself with so much grace, respect, kindness, and understanding. Believing in yourself, believing in your worth. Knowing without a doubt that you matter in the only way that truly does matter. You matter to you.

How would it feel to live a life like that? What would become possible for you if you stopped doubting yourself, stopped showing up for everyone but you. Stopped making excuses, neglecting yourself, beating yourself up. Stopped being indecisive, stopped procrastinating. Stopped hating on yourself, stopped making unhealthy choices that don't serve you. Stopped feeling unworthy, undeserving, not good enough. Stopped outsourcing the matter of mattering.

What would you do, have or experience, that you are denying yourself the opportunity to do have an experience right now because you don't give yourself the gift of mattering? Listen, the only person who can give you that gift is you. When you decide that you matter, you will matter in your world. When you say YES! to you, the life you want will say YES! to you right back.

So with that said, let's talk about how you can give yourself the gift of mattering and in turn create a life where your biggest, boldest dreams matter and your everyday matters in all the ways that are unique to you. And it should be no surprise that I am going to bring this conversation right back to building your SELF Wealth, in particular, your self-worth. Here are my tips, and the exact things I did after my line-in-the-sand moment.

Tip number one is to give yourself permission to say YES! to you. If you need to, write yourself a permission slip, whatever it takes. But you want to give yourself permission to invest your time, your effort, and your focus in doing this work on building your self-worth so that you can finally feel like you matter.

Now going from I don't matter, I don't feel worthy, I'm not enough, to giving yourself permission to matter, to be worthy, and to be enough, may feel like just too big of a jump. So firstly, I want you to see this permission as simply opening the door. See it as the green light to explore what it might look like if you did matter, if you did feel worthy independent of other people's validation or those external markers of success, if you did allow yourself to be enough just as you are.

This isn't about going from zero to everything overnight but giving yourself permission to open that SELF Wealth bank account and start making small deposits into it every single day.

Now when you give yourself permission, here's what else might happen.

There's going to be a voice inside that pops up and says things like, “Wait, we both know you are not good enough. That's just a fact.” “We both know you don't deserve to invest time in you.” “You can't afford to put yourself first.” “You don't get to make this all about you.” “You can't risk making other people unhappy with you.” “What will they think if you start thinking highly of yourself? People will think you're arrogant, or you think you're better somehow than them.” “They're going to judge you on this.” “You'll be disapproved of, you'll be rejected, you'll make a fool of yourself, you'll be exposed as a fraud.” And so, and so on, and so on.

This is your storyteller who has been enlisted by your brain to help keep you in the comfort of what you know. You see, your brain senses danger whenever you try to change things up, when you try to think differently, act differently, or feel differently about yourself.

So whenever you try to make changes in your deeply ingrained beliefs around your identity, your brain is going to be like, “Wait, what? No. No, that's not who you are.” Now it thinks it is keeping you safe by reining you back in. And it gets your storyteller to frighten you back into your comfort zone and what you know, even though this might not be actually serving you.

So my tip number two is to expect your storyteller is going to show up and work overtime to try and get you to close this door you just opened by granting yourself permission to do this work to change your self-worth.

Become aware of your negative self-talk. Recognize it for what it is, stories that are designed to keep you stuck at the end of the day in a life that isn't making you happy. And like any story, if you've been around me you will have heard me say this and you will hear me say it again, like any story, your stories can be rewritten.

You do not have to keep telling yourself the same old stories. In fact, if you want to change your life, you must first change your stories because you will only ever create for yourself what you believe to be true about you. The stories you tell yourself about your SELF create your reality.

So when negative self-talk pops up, when your storyteller starts telling you things that fills you with self-doubt or makes you want to retreat and stick with your old ways, write it down, challenge it, and rewrite it to be a story that supports you who matters, who is worthy of saying YES! to you.

I gave my storyteller a name, you might have heard me talk about her. She is called Mrs. X. And the reason I did that is to give my storyteller a third-party identity to help me remove ownership of this voice and these stories that this voice is telling me. And it really helps me in challenging my stories.

So, when Mrs. X shows up and fills me with all the doom and gloom, it is so much easier for me to say, “Oh, look, here's Mrs. X popping on in to share her two cents. And hey, look, Mrs. X, I appreciate your concerns, but we're doing things differently moving forward.”

You'll be surprised at just how well that works in terms of separating your SELF from the story. And over time, your Mrs X will come on board and funny enough, start holding you accountable for your new stories. So give this a try, it may work really well for you too.

And when it comes to rewriting your stories, again, don't push it too far so that you simply can't get on board with your new story. That can actually have the opposite effect. What you want to aim for is a story that is more positive than the one that you're telling yourself, and makes you feel just a little bit better about yourself, but it's still believable. Your brain and your storyteller need to be able to jump on board with it.

So here's an example. If your story is, “I'm not worthy of having the things I want”, to go from this to “I am worthy of having everything I want”, well your brain is just going to outright refuse to come aboard with that. It's not going to believe you for one minute. So you might rewrite this to “I am open to the possibility of being worthy of having the things I want”.

And then you hang out with this story for a bit and when it feels comfortable you upgrade it again. You might take it to “It's possible I am worthy of having the things I want”. You hang out there for a bit and when that feels comfortable, you upgrade it again. “I am exploring what it's like to feel worthy of having what I want.” And you keep hanging out and upgrading until you reach the ideal story of “I am worthy of having what I want”.

You see where I'm going with this, right? So I call this the Beliefs Bridge, and essentially what you are doing is bridging the gap between your current beliefs, your current stories, and your ideal beliefs, just one plank at a time. You are building a bridge between the two that will eventually allow you to cross over the divide between your negative and positive stories. Between your disempowering, limiting stories and you're empowering, limitless stories.

Okay, so tip number one was to give yourself permission. Tip number two is to expect your storyteller will show up and lean into that negative self-talk. Recognize it for what it is and rewrite it.

Tip number three is to raise your self-love standards. Now, this is going to help you switch out your negative self-talk for more positive self-talk. So you really don't want to skip this step.

Spend some time to establish standards around loving yourself, around treating yourself with kindness, compassion and respect, like you would those you love. Around accepting yourself and embracing every part of who you are, knowing that you brought yourself this far through all the challenges life has thrown your way. You have done the very best you knew how to do all these years, and because of that, you have your shoulders to stand on and you can now see so much further ahead than you could before.

Think about what you expect in terms of self-care, self-respect, and self-talk from the eyes of the you who matters, okay, not from the you who doesn't give herself these things. Imagine the you who matters, who feels worthy, and how she treats herself, how she cares for herself, how she talks to herself.

Sometimes it's easier to begin by thinking about how you will no longer tolerate caring for yourself, treating yourself, and speaking to yourself. And then from that, establish what you will accept as the future you who matters moving forward.

Then once you have these set of self-love guidelines, make a commitment to them and refuse to accept anything less. Commit to reading them every single day. When your negative stories pop up, remind yourself of these new self-love standards you are choosing to live by. Tell your storyteller, “Thanks for telling me, but listen. I don't talk to myself like that anymore, and that means you don't either... I don't beat myself up like that anymore. I don't judge, criticize, hate on myself, doubt myself like that anymore.”

And in terms of self-care, with your new self-love standards, develop a routine that includes activities that nurture your physical, emotional, and mental well-being. This could be things like regular exercise, healthy eating, adequate rest, or activities that bring you joy and relaxation. This is going to be unique for you, but it is important to make self-care a non-negotiable part of your daily life.

Now you can start small with this, just five minutes to do something that makes you feel cared for, by yourself. It is you giving you the care and love you deserve. And then gradually build up your day so that self-care is an important part of your everyday routine. Remember, we aren't aiming to go from zero to everything overnight here. Small steps every day will eventually lead you to where you want to go.

Tip number four is to set healthy boundaries with yourself and with others that honor you and your inherent right to matter. Boundaries that capture the essence of your new self-love standards. This means learning how to say no to other people and YES! to yourself. No to activities and people that drain you, and YES! to what aligns with your values and brings you joy.

When you protect your time and energy, you send a powerful message to yourself and to others that you matter. Boundaries are essential for maintaining your self-worth and emotional health. And it is going to be important that you communicate your boundaries with other people.

Now, I know this is going to feel pretty daunting and perhaps even near impossible for some of you. So, here are some steps that you can take that will help make it easier.

Firstly, start small. Begin with small manageable boundaries. This could be as simple as saying no to a social event that you don't want to attend. Small successes will help you build your confidence to step into those bigger boundaries.

Secondly, prepare your words. Before having a difficult conversation, think about what you want to say and how you want to say it. Practicing in front of a mirror or with a trusted friend can really help.

Thirdly, communicate your needs using “I” statements, which focus on your feelings rather than placing blame. So for example, “I feel overwhelmed when I have to handle all the household chores. Can we divide them more equally?”

Fourthly, consistency is key. Once you set a boundary, stick to it. It reinforces your commitment to yourself, and it shows others that you are serious about your needs.

And lastly, seek support. If you find it really challenging, consider seeking the support from a coach or a therapist who can provide strategies and encouragement to help you stand firm.

What I want you to remember most of all is that boundaries are about self-respect. They're about your right to prioritize your own well-being, your right to matter.

Okay, so we have tip number one, give yourself permission. Tip number two, expect your storyteller to turn up and tell you negative stories, embrace them, rewrite them. Tip number three is to set self-love standards. And tip number four is to set healthy boundaries.

Tip number five is to practice self-validation. Now the idea here is to start practicing shifting your focus from seeking that external validation to validating yourself. To acknowledging your own achievements and strengths, without needing the nod of approval from others. This is about learning to trust that your own opinion of yourself is what truly matters.

So to do this, I recommend spending regular time to reflect on your accomplishments. No more sweeping your successes, talents, and capabilities under the carpet. It's time to shine, my friend. It's time for everything you've ever achieved, big and small, to matter. It's time for even your budding talents and capabilities to matter.

I like to keep a journal where I regularly note down these things and preferably at a minimum on a daily basis. What this does is it reinforces your self-worth and builds your confidence. And regularly reading your journal entries can remind you of just how far you've come.

Again, start small if you find this one hard. Honestly, if your accomplishment today was getting that load of washing done, write it down along with what strength that reveals in you.

You just want to open the door to recognizing and validating yourself. What you will find is once you do, and you get past those initial stages of finding it hard to find things to validate about yourself, you'll be able to open the door wider and wider until you start to see a much broader view laid out before you, and finding things to validate about yourself will become so much easier. I promise it will happen.

Okay, so I have two final tips and then we'll wrap this up.

Tip number six is to have self-compassion. I want you to understand that perfection is an illusion. You are not going to get all of this perfect, not today, not tomorrow, not ever. But what's exciting is you don't have to. I am far from perfect at all of this, and I am good enough at it that I rebuilt my self-worth and created a life where I do feel like I matter, where my dreams are treated with respect, and whether they are big or small or wild or wonderful, they all matter. And I go to bed every night feeling like my day has mattered.

Allow yourself to make mistakes and learn from them as you go. Allow yourself to not get this right. And not make it mean anything more than this simply being part of the process. Refuse to beat yourself up or think of yourself as anything less than the person who matters most to you in the world.

Celebrate all of your efforts and progress, not just the outcome. Even if it feels like you've taken a step backwards, celebrate what you learn from this. Celebrate that even in our steps backwards, if we learn and keep on keeping on with what we learn, we are in fact moving forward.

Accepting your imperfections, both in this process and in the beautiful way that makes you human, is a key step in building your self-worth. We are all perfectly imperfect and that's what makes the world such a beautiful place.

Understand that you are worthy of love and respect simply because you exist. Embrace who you are fully and reject the idea that you need to be perfect to be valued. There is so much beauty to be found in the imperfect, just as there is in the perfect.

My final tip is to become friends with the future you who matters. Hang out with her, get to know her, every part of her. How she thinks, what she believes, what she values, how she treats herself. What she accepts in her life, what she doesn't. How she spends her days, who with. What she is passionate about, what makes her feel like she has purpose.

Get to know the you who matters intimately and have a conversation with her every single day. When you doubt yourself and find yourself maybe falling off track, giving in to your old ways of people-pleasing, of putting yourself second or maybe putting yourself down, call on her for support. Ask her to give you a pep talk. Ask her what she would do right now. Listen, she is a wise woman. She knows your journey like no one else can know it. And if you make her your best friend, she will help you walk it until the two of you become one.

You deserve a life where you matter, your dreams matter and your everyday matters, my friend. And I can tell you that all day long. But the only thing that matters in this matter of mattering is whether you believe you matter. That is where the work is, and it would be remiss of me as a coach to deny you the experience and the triumph of finding your way to being a woman who matters in the most fundamental way that counts, to you.

I want to leave you with this, and I speak from my own experience and my own journey. If you are willing to make doing this work matter, you will begin to matter in ways you never imagined you would, and your life will begin to matter in ways you never believed it could.

So that's it for today. Make sure you check out the show notes for links to some additional resources and my weekly newsletter where I share more of my Self-Creation secrets. And don't forget to hit the subscribe button so that every episode is queued right inside your library and ready for listening.

I'll be back next Wednesday for another conversation about saying YES! to you and a life you love. I do hope you will join me.

Until then, be the woman who says YES!

Hey, want to know what's stopping you from saying YES! to you and a life you love?

Head over to https://selfcreationschool.com/yesblock and take my FREE 60 second quiz to find out what's standing in your way today and I'll send you my Self-Creation Shift process for shifting it. That's https://selfcreationschool.com/yesblock. I’ll see you there.

Today, let's talk about the matter of mattering. Of creating a life where you matter, your dreams matter, and your everyday matters. In this episode, I'm opening the pages of my book to share a very personal struggle with mattering and the seven signs that mattering may be your missing piece. I'm also giving you my tips on becoming a woman who matters.

We all want to matter and lead lives that matter. So stick around and let's talk about the matter of mattering.

Welcome to The Self-Creation School podcast, for women who are ready to ditch mediocrity, step up and get more of what they want, and finally say YES! to a life that sets their soul on fire. I'm your host Leanne Letica, Self-Creation Coach, founder of The Self-Creation School AND Queen of YES!. If you're ready to play life by your own personal rule book, and give yourself permission to say YES! to yourself and your wildest dreams, this podcast is the place for you.

I am very humbled to share this episode with you today, so thanks so much for joining me. In the past week, there has been a whole lot of new listeners listening in. So if you are new to this podcast, a very warm welcome to you. Of course, for those of you who have been joining me week in, week out, I love so much that you choose to spend some of your one precious life in my company and really appreciate your support of this podcast and for helping me spread my message as so many of you do.

I truly believe we can all say YES! to a life that we love waking up to every single day, and I am committed to helping as many women as I can do exactly that through the conversations I have right here in this podcast and the work I do as a coach within The Self-Creation School. So I am really very grateful to be a part of your personal journey and to hopefully make even just a small difference in your world.

So today, I want to talk about the matter of mattering. This is a topic that is super close to my heart. It has played a very big part in my journey. And I am going to invite you to get up close and personal with me and come inside my own personal world by sharing with you parts of my own story that feel a little raw and vulnerable to share with you, if I'm honest, but I think really highlight what it is I want to talk about when it comes to the matter of mattering.

In the years leading up to my midlife reinvention, otherwise known as my midlife meltdown, if you've heard me speak about this before, I had this lingering feeling there was something missing in my life. I couldn't put my finger on it for the longest time. I just knew something was really off and I didn't wake up every day feeling truly happy. Instead, I felt kind of lost in this numbness of just going through the motions and living out the same monotonous routine, day in, day out, that didn't bring me a whole lot of excitement and didn't feel like it had any real purpose.

On the surface, I was living a really good life at the time. I had experienced a great deal of success and many extraordinary things in my life. I had an abundance to be grateful for. And from the outside looking in, I certainly didn't have any excuse to complain about my life. So, to feel like things were somehow less than they could be, made me feel quite guilty and ashamed.

It led me to believe that there was something really wrong with me because if I couldn't be happy having ticked all of these boxes that society and other people said I should tick, then what else was there? If I had failed at being happy with the extraordinary success I had achieved in my life, going from a Millionaire's Maid to making my own millions, then surely I was just a failure full stop.

And because I felt so guilty and ashamed of feeling like there should be something more despite the success and the kind of life I was living, I began to tell myself that if this wasn't enough, then I wasn't worthy of anything more. In fact, I wasn't even worthy of the life I was living. I didn't belong in it. I was a fraud, an imposter. Because I had all the appearances of being a success, but really, I was a complete failure because this success that was supposed to make me happy, alive and fulfilled, didn’t.

And I was afraid of being found out. So I swept my feelings under the carpet for years and tried to pretend that these feelings didn't exist. I tried hard to simply live the life I was living.

But the longer I tried to ignore these feelings inside me, the more unhappy I felt. The more unhappy I felt, the more I judged myself, criticized myself, and beat myself up for being this unhappy, unsatisfied woman who didn't deserve the life she was living. The more I beat myself up for my life not being enough, the more I felt like it was me who wasn't enough. Like I had somehow failed at being a human being. And as a result, I overcompensated in everything I did to the point of emotional and physical exhaustion to try and prove my worth.

I took perfectionism and high standards to a whole outer universe level, my friend. I became unable to make even the simplest of decisions for fear of getting it wrong and exposing my not-enoughness. I dug my heels in and showed up even more how I thought other people expected me to and said YES! to everyone and everything else but me. I tolerated being treated in ways, and treating myself in ways, I wouldn't dream of treating anybody else. And let me tell you, I didn't like for one minute being that woman.

But when it came to the real me, I had written myself off. I don't know exactly when it happened, but I completely lost sight of who she even was. Maybe I never even really knew because I had long decided that being loved, accepted, approved of, and valued as a human being was conditional on being who I was expected to be, and that person certainly wasn't me.

And therein lay the real problem and why it is I'm sharing this story with you. You see, the missing part of my life for all of those years, was mattering. I felt like I didn't matter, and that my life didn't matter, and I wanted desperately to matter. To feel loved, accepted, approved of, and valued.

The problem wasn't that society's boxes didn't make me happy, that the success I had achieved wasn't enough. In truth, those things did, and do, actually bring me a lot of happiness and fulfillment.

The problem was that all the money in the world won't buy you the feeling of being loved, accepted, approved of, and valued. It won't buy you SELF Wealth. All those SELF things like self-worth, self-love, self-belief, self-trust, self-respect, self-acceptance, self-approval. And my SELF Wealth had been running below zero for a very long time.

Because here's what happens, when you outsource your SELF Wealth to other people and to external markers of success, basically you put the whole of your self-concept, your self-identity, into the hands of chance. There's a chance other people will top up your SELF Wealth bank balance and an even greater chance, they will not. The reality is the only person who can reliably build your SELF Wealth bank account is you. SELF Wealth is an inside only job, it's up to your SELF.

The biggest problem when it comes to relying on other people or external markers of success to make deposits into your SELF Wealth bank account is that the cost that comes with it usually far outweighs the deposit.

The cost of constantly saying YES! to everyone else at the expense of your own wants, needs and desires. The cost of ticking off all the boxes but your own. The cost of keeping up appearances that bring you no joy. The cost of going through the motions, day in, day out, of a life that doesn't excite you and feels like it has no purpose.

The costs of constantly putting other people first as if somehow, they matter or they're more valuable than you. The cost of feeling like you never measure up and overcompensating to try and prove your value to the point of burnout and emotional exhaustion. The cost of shrinking your dreams and settling for less than you truly are capable of. The cost of not embracing opportunities for fear of being judged and rejected.

The cost of living a life where you aren't celebrated for you, the real you, or living a life you could live, if you weren't so busy trying to live the life you should, to prove your worth as a human being.

When my line-in-the-sand moment came, that morning I looked at this woman I was being in the mirror with such loathing, so much disgust and disappointment, I realized that the thing I wanted most, was to feel like I mattered. I wanted to matter, most of all to myself. I wanted all of my dreams to matter, not just the ones society approved of or told me I should fulfill. And I wanted my every day to feel like it mattered, like there was a meaningful reason I had been given this life.

Last week, I was reminded of this moment, of just how much I wanted to matter. My business coach and I were talking about tapping more into where I was at, in that “not doing this anymore” moment, to connect at a deeper level with the women I help. And it led me to going back to read some of my earlier journals.

And I've got to tell you, some of the stuff I read, was really hard for me to read. But two things stood out so clearly from what I had written, and as crazy vulnerable as this makes me feel, I want to share them with you because I know a lot of you struggle with this too. And I know if you are listening into this podcast, there's a pretty good chance you have drawn your own line-in-the-sand and declared no more.

So, let's do this. The first thing I came across that really stood out to me in my journal was this.

“I don't feel loved by me, my husband, or anyone. Okay, maybe the cat. I really feel like I'm never quite good enough and love is always conditional on me being something someone expects me to be.”

And the second thing was a rating out of 10 I gave myself, and here's what I wrote.

“I think I'm only half the person I really believe I can be. I know without a doubt I have the skills and ability to achieve extraordinary things in my life. But I lack so much in my self-esteem, confidence in who I am and how I look, that it's like a whole half of me is existing in a world that is totally opposite to that of my talents. It's like, I'm half in, half out, so I rate myself a 5 out of 10.”

Coming across these two parts of my journal and of my journey reminded me so clearly of why I do the work I do today and inspired me to share this podcast with you. So many of you, like me, all those years ago, struggle with loving yourself, with accepting and approving of yourself, with allowing yourself to be enough, with allowing yourself to be worthy simply because you exist. You struggle with saying YES! to you.

And so many of you, deep down, want to matter for who you truly are, all of who you are, and pursue a life that matters to you without a care in the world as to what other people think, of whether they approve or not. You want to be done with constantly living up to, or often down to, down, other people's expectations and still feeling like you are irrelevant in your life.

So today I want to share with you, first of all, some of the signs that the thing you're searching for is to matter, and then offer you some tips on how you can create a life where you do matter, where your dreams matter, and your everyday matters.

Now, I shared many of the signs of wanting to matter in my own story just now but let me pull them out and highlight them for you.

The first sign is that you feel unfulfilled. You have unmet needs, and you feel stuck in a monotonous routine repeating those same old, same old, mundane daily activities that lack any real excitement and meaning for you. You're just going through the motions and deep down you long for more excitement and purpose in your life. The kind of passion for your life, or zest if you like, and purpose that makes you excited to leap out of bed every morning.

You might also identify this as feeling like you lack direction, like you feel lost in some way, or empty perhaps, or that you are struggling to find meaning in either who you are or in your life.

The second sign is you lack confidence. You struggle with self-doubt and imposter syndrome, and it makes you question your worth and your capabilities constantly. You struggle to believe in yourself and find yourself often feeling like a fraud, like you don't belong despite your credentials or achievements. It's the who am I kind of thinking, and this lack of confidence in yourself is preventing you from pursuing your true desires and potential in case you are exposed for not being truly capable or worthy.

You will find yourself avoiding opportunities and avoiding speaking up for fear of failure, for fear of being found out. And likely, you are feeling unfulfilled because you are indeed not living up to your full potential.

The third sign is not feeling good enough. This is a big one. You constantly feel inadequate and struggle with a sense of being unworthy or undeserving. So you constantly compare yourself to other people and how you don't measure up. Which only serves to increase your self-doubt and your fear of judgment.

This feeling of not being good enough undermines your confidence and it prevents you from fully engaging in your personal and your professional life.

Are you starting to see how these signs are overlapping and how they play into one another?

Okay, so sign number four is feeling invisible in your own life. You feel like you go unnoticed in social and professional settings, and that you are always being overlooked and undervalued. This leads to a deep sense of insignificance, and it drives you to seek out external validation and recognition to affirm your worth.

The fifth sign is feeling overwhelmed and exhausted by pretense. So what I mean here is the keeping up of appearances. You feel burdened by the need to maintain appearances and tick all the boxes but find no happiness in doing so. This often leads to burnout and stress from trying to meet external expectations all of the time.

The pretense of having it all together is exhausting and unfulfilling, and it leaves you feeling disconnected from your true self and really unhappy with your life.

Sign number six is people-pleasing and seeking external validation. You prioritize other people's needs before your own and look for confirmation of your worthiness through external markers of success or other people's approval.

You have difficulty saying no to other people even when it means, and it often does, neglecting your personal needs, wants and desires, and sacrificing your own happiness and well-being in the process.

And sign number seven, now I'm going to throw this one in because I think it really plays into our sense of losing significance as we age, of fading into irrelevance like society tends to make us believe will happen, which adds to our struggle of mattering.

And so sign number seven is you are concerned with aging and your self-image is suffering as a result of the physical changes you are either starting to notice or are in the full throes of experiencing.

You don't feel so vibrant and energetic like you used to, and you find yourself becoming highly critical of your appearance. You are seeing every single line that seems to appear out of nowhere, every curve that changes. And likely, you're beating yourself up for letting yourself go, or for not taking better care of yourself over the years.

Your self-esteem is running low, and you're feeling unattractive and this new sense of frumpiness that has set in that you haven't had before. And this is all affecting your confidence and how you perceive yourself, especially in terms of your SELF Wealth. Remember those things like self-love, self-acceptance, self-approval, and so on. So you find yourself wanting to shrink into the shadows and maybe resign yourself to having lost your youth and all the opportunities to matter that go with it.

You might even be thinking, it's too late for me now. It's too late to suddenly change paths. Too late to start again. Too late to find my passion and purpose in life. Too late to be relevant, to matter, and create a life that matters.

Now, what all of these things have in common is the core underlying issue is a lack of self-worth. That sense of not having value. In essence, of not mattering.

You might not realize it, but low self-worth is driving so many of your struggles. Like feeling unfulfilled, feeling like you don't have meaning or your life doesn't have meaning, not feeling confident in yourself and your abilities, the constant self-doubt and second guessing yourself. The constant seeking of validation through people-pleasing and external markers of success, ticking all those boxes, being someone you are not. Being critical of yourself, and denying yourself the opportunity to be authentically you, and to value yourself just as you are because you are inherently worthy, independent of anyone else's tick of approval.

So once you understand that this missing piece you're looking for is grounded in the matter of mattering, and that mattering goes hand in hand with self-worth, the worthiness you give to yourself, then you open a door to creating a life where you do matter, where your dreams do matter, and your everyday does matter.

Imagine walking into a room, feeling like you belong and that you have value to offer, knowing that you deserve to take up space. You confidently engage in social gatherings, express your opinions in personal or professional settings. And say YES! to new opportunities without all the self-doubt and second guessing.

Imagine waking up each morning with a clear vision for your life, setting and achieving personal and professional goals that truly make you feel a sense of pride and accomplishment, and feeling driven by a meaningful mission. that excites you every day.

Imagine living a lifestyle that is richly satisfying, in every way that matters uniquely to you. Finding joy in your everyday activities, celebrating personal achievements with people who truly celebrate you for you. Enjoying quality time with loved ones without needing to compromise who you be, your needs or your happiness and ending every day with a sense of feeling complete.

Imagine living true to yourself and no longer seeking validation from others or by ticking predefined boxes of success. Making decisions based on your values, the things that are important to you. Making life choices that align with your desires, pursuing hobbies and interests freely, expressing your true feelings and opinions freely, expressing who you want to be freely, and living according to your own rules without fear of judgment and without the fear of rejection.

Imagine waking up and greeting yourself in the mirror every morning with a love and appreciation for the woman you see. And treating yourself with so much grace, respect, kindness, and understanding. Believing in yourself, believing in your worth. Knowing without a doubt that you matter in the only way that truly does matter. You matter to you.

How would it feel to live a life like that? What would become possible for you if you stopped doubting yourself, stopped showing up for everyone but you. Stopped making excuses, neglecting yourself, beating yourself up. Stopped being indecisive, stopped procrastinating. Stopped hating on yourself, stopped making unhealthy choices that don't serve you. Stopped feeling unworthy, undeserving, not good enough. Stopped outsourcing the matter of mattering.

What would you do, have or experience, that you are denying yourself the opportunity to do have an experience right now because you don't give yourself the gift of mattering? Listen, the only person who can give you that gift is you. When you decide that you matter, you will matter in your world. When you say YES! to you, the life you want will say YES! to you right back.

So with that said, let's talk about how you can give yourself the gift of mattering and in turn create a life where your biggest, boldest dreams matter and your everyday matters in all the ways that are unique to you. And it should be no surprise that I am going to bring this conversation right back to building your SELF Wealth, in particular, your self-worth. Here are my tips, and the exact things I did after my line-in-the-sand moment.

Tip number one is to give yourself permission to say YES! to you. If you need to, write yourself a permission slip, whatever it takes. But you want to give yourself permission to invest your time, your effort, and your focus in doing this work on building your self-worth so that you can finally feel like you matter.

Now going from I don't matter, I don't feel worthy, I'm not enough, to giving yourself permission to matter, to be worthy, and to be enough, may feel like just too big of a jump. So firstly, I want you to see this permission as simply opening the door. See it as the green light to explore what it might look like if you did matter, if you did feel worthy independent of other people's validation or those external markers of success, if you did allow yourself to be enough just as you are.

This isn't about going from zero to everything overnight but giving yourself permission to open that SELF Wealth bank account and start making small deposits into it every single day.

Now when you give yourself permission, here's what else might happen.

There's going to be a voice inside that pops up and says things like, “Wait, we both know you are not good enough. That's just a fact.” “We both know you don't deserve to invest time in you.” “You can't afford to put yourself first.” “You don't get to make this all about you.” “You can't risk making other people unhappy with you.” “What will they think if you start thinking highly of yourself? People will think you're arrogant, or you think you're better somehow than them.” “They're going to judge you on this.” “You'll be disapproved of, you'll be rejected, you'll make a fool of yourself, you'll be exposed as a fraud.” And so, and so on, and so on.

This is your storyteller who has been enlisted by your brain to help keep you in the comfort of what you know. You see, your brain senses danger whenever you try to change things up, when you try to think differently, act differently, or feel differently about yourself.

So whenever you try to make changes in your deeply ingrained beliefs around your identity, your brain is going to be like, “Wait, what? No. No, that's not who you are.” Now it thinks it is keeping you safe by reining you back in. And it gets your storyteller to frighten you back into your comfort zone and what you know, even though this might not be actually serving you.

So my tip number two is to expect your storyteller is going to show up and work overtime to try and get you to close this door you just opened by granting yourself permission to do this work to change your self-worth.

Become aware of your negative self-talk. Recognize it for what it is, stories that are designed to keep you stuck at the end of the day in a life that isn't making you happy. And like any story, if you've been around me you will have heard me say this and you will hear me say it again, like any story, your stories can be rewritten.

You do not have to keep telling yourself the same old stories. In fact, if you want to change your life, you must first change your stories because you will only ever create for yourself what you believe to be true about you. The stories you tell yourself about your SELF create your reality.

So when negative self-talk pops up, when your storyteller starts telling you things that fills you with self-doubt or makes you want to retreat and stick with your old ways, write it down, challenge it, and rewrite it to be a story that supports you who matters, who is worthy of saying YES! to you.

I gave my storyteller a name, you might have heard me talk about her. She is called Mrs. X. And the reason I did that is to give my storyteller a third-party identity to help me remove ownership of this voice and these stories that this voice is telling me. And it really helps me in challenging my stories.

So, when Mrs. X shows up and fills me with all the doom and gloom, it is so much easier for me to say, “Oh, look, here's Mrs. X popping on in to share her two cents. And hey, look, Mrs. X, I appreciate your concerns, but we're doing things differently moving forward.”

You'll be surprised at just how well that works in terms of separating your SELF from the story. And over time, your Mrs X will come on board and funny enough, start holding you accountable for your new stories. So give this a try, it may work really well for you too.

And when it comes to rewriting your stories, again, don't push it too far so that you simply can't get on board with your new story. That can actually have the opposite effect. What you want to aim for is a story that is more positive than the one that you're telling yourself, and makes you feel just a little bit better about yourself, but it's still believable. Your brain and your storyteller need to be able to jump on board with it.

So here's an example. If your story is, “I'm not worthy of having the things I want”, to go from this to “I am worthy of having everything I want”, well your brain is just going to outright refuse to come aboard with that. It's not going to believe you for one minute. So you might rewrite this to “I am open to the possibility of being worthy of having the things I want”.

And then you hang out with this story for a bit and when it feels comfortable you upgrade it again. You might take it to “It's possible I am worthy of having the things I want”. You hang out there for a bit and when that feels comfortable, you upgrade it again. “I am exploring what it's like to feel worthy of having what I want.” And you keep hanging out and upgrading until you reach the ideal story of “I am worthy of having what I want”.

You see where I'm going with this, right? So I call this the Beliefs Bridge, and essentially what you are doing is bridging the gap between your current beliefs, your current stories, and your ideal beliefs, just one plank at a time. You are building a bridge between the two that will eventually allow you to cross over the divide between your negative and positive stories. Between your disempowering, limiting stories and you're empowering, limitless stories.

Okay, so tip number one was to give yourself permission. Tip number two is to expect your storyteller will show up and lean into that negative self-talk. Recognize it for what it is and rewrite it.

Tip number three is to raise your self-love standards. Now, this is going to help you switch out your negative self-talk for more positive self-talk. So you really don't want to skip this step.

Spend some time to establish standards around loving yourself, around treating yourself with kindness, compassion and respect, like you would those you love. Around accepting yourself and embracing every part of who you are, knowing that you brought yourself this far through all the challenges life has thrown your way. You have done the very best you knew how to do all these years, and because of that, you have your shoulders to stand on and you can now see so much further ahead than you could before.

Think about what you expect in terms of self-care, self-respect, and self-talk from the eyes of the you who matters, okay, not from the you who doesn't give herself these things. Imagine the you who matters, who feels worthy, and how she treats herself, how she cares for herself, how she talks to herself.

Sometimes it's easier to begin by thinking about how you will no longer tolerate caring for yourself, treating yourself, and speaking to yourself. And then from that, establish what you will accept as the future you who matters moving forward.

Then once you have these set of self-love guidelines, make a commitment to them and refuse to accept anything less. Commit to reading them every single day. When your negative stories pop up, remind yourself of these new self-love standards you are choosing to live by. Tell your storyteller, “Thanks for telling me, but listen. I don't talk to myself like that anymore, and that means you don't either... I don't beat myself up like that anymore. I don't judge, criticize, hate on myself, doubt myself like that anymore.”

And in terms of self-care, with your new self-love standards, develop a routine that includes activities that nurture your physical, emotional, and mental well-being. This could be things like regular exercise, healthy eating, adequate rest, or activities that bring you joy and relaxation. This is going to be unique for you, but it is important to make self-care a non-negotiable part of your daily life.

Now you can start small with this, just five minutes to do something that makes you feel cared for, by yourself. It is you giving you the care and love you deserve. And then gradually build up your day so that self-care is an important part of your everyday routine. Remember, we aren't aiming to go from zero to everything overnight here. Small steps every day will eventually lead you to where you want to go.

Tip number four is to set healthy boundaries with yourself and with others that honor you and your inherent right to matter. Boundaries that capture the essence of your new self-love standards. This means learning how to say no to other people and YES! to yourself. No to activities and people that drain you, and YES! to what aligns with your values and brings you joy.

When you protect your time and energy, you send a powerful message to yourself and to others that you matter. Boundaries are essential for maintaining your self-worth and emotional health. And it is going to be important that you communicate your boundaries with other people.

Now, I know this is going to feel pretty daunting and perhaps even near impossible for some of you. So, here are some steps that you can take that will help make it easier.

Firstly, start small. Begin with small manageable boundaries. This could be as simple as saying no to a social event that you don't want to attend. Small successes will help you build your confidence to step into those bigger boundaries.

Secondly, prepare your words. Before having a difficult conversation, think about what you want to say and how you want to say it. Practicing in front of a mirror or with a trusted friend can really help.

Thirdly, communicate your needs using “I” statements, which focus on your feelings rather than placing blame. So for example, “I feel overwhelmed when I have to handle all the household chores. Can we divide them more equally?”

Fourthly, consistency is key. Once you set a boundary, stick to it. It reinforces your commitment to yourself, and it shows others that you are serious about your needs.

And lastly, seek support. If you find it really challenging, consider seeking the support from a coach or a therapist who can provide strategies and encouragement to help you stand firm.

What I want you to remember most of all is that boundaries are about self-respect. They're about your right to prioritize your own well-being, your right to matter.

Okay, so we have tip number one, give yourself permission. Tip number two, expect your storyteller to turn up and tell you negative stories, embrace them, rewrite them. Tip number three is to set self-love standards. And tip number four is to set healthy boundaries.

Tip number five is to practice self-validation. Now the idea here is to start practicing shifting your focus from seeking that external validation to validating yourself. To acknowledging your own achievements and strengths, without needing the nod of approval from others. This is about learning to trust that your own opinion of yourself is what truly matters.

So to do this, I recommend spending regular time to reflect on your accomplishments. No more sweeping your successes, talents, and capabilities under the carpet. It's time to shine, my friend. It's time for everything you've ever achieved, big and small, to matter. It's time for even your budding talents and capabilities to matter.

I like to keep a journal where I regularly note down these things and preferably at a minimum on a daily basis. What this does is it reinforces your self-worth and builds your confidence. And regularly reading your journal entries can remind you of just how far you've come.

Again, start small if you find this one hard. Honestly, if your accomplishment today was getting that load of washing done, write it down along with what strength that reveals in you.

You just want to open the door to recognizing and validating yourself. What you will find is once you do, and you get past those initial stages of finding it hard to find things to validate about yourself, you'll be able to open the door wider and wider until you start to see a much broader view laid out before you, and finding things to validate about yourself will become so much easier. I promise it will happen.

Okay, so I have two final tips and then we'll wrap this up.

Tip number six is to have self-compassion. I want you to understand that perfection is an illusion. You are not going to get all of this perfect, not today, not tomorrow, not ever. But what's exciting is you don't have to. I am far from perfect at all of this, and I am good enough at it that I rebuilt my self-worth and created a life where I do feel like I matter, where my dreams are treated with respect, and whether they are big or small or wild or wonderful, they all matter. And I go to bed every night feeling like my day has mattered.

Allow yourself to make mistakes and learn from them as you go. Allow yourself to not get this right. And not make it mean anything more than this simply being part of the process. Refuse to beat yourself up or think of yourself as anything less than the person who matters most to you in the world.

Celebrate all of your efforts and progress, not just the outcome. Even if it feels like you've taken a step backwards, celebrate what you learn from this. Celebrate that even in our steps backwards, if we learn and keep on keeping on with what we learn, we are in fact moving forward.

Accepting your imperfections, both in this process and in the beautiful way that makes you human, is a key step in building your self-worth. We are all perfectly imperfect and that's what makes the world such a beautiful place.

Understand that you are worthy of love and respect simply because you exist. Embrace who you are fully and reject the idea that you need to be perfect to be valued. There is so much beauty to be found in the imperfect, just as there is in the perfect.

My final tip is to become friends with the future you who matters. Hang out with her, get to know her, every part of her. How she thinks, what she believes, what she values, how she treats herself. What she accepts in her life, what she doesn't. How she spends her days, who with. What she is passionate about, what makes her feel like she has purpose.

Get to know the you who matters intimately and have a conversation with her every single day. When you doubt yourself and find yourself maybe falling off track, giving in to your old ways of people-pleasing, of putting yourself second or maybe putting yourself down, call on her for support. Ask her to give you a pep talk. Ask her what she would do right now. Listen, she is a wise woman. She knows your journey like no one else can know it. And if you make her your best friend, she will help you walk it until the two of you become one.

You deserve a life where you matter, your dreams matter and your everyday matters, my friend. And I can tell you that all day long. But the only thing that matters in this matter of mattering is whether you believe you matter. That is where the work is, and it would be remiss of me as a coach to deny you the experience and the triumph of finding your way to being a woman who matters in the most fundamental way that counts, to you.

I want to leave you with this, and I speak from my own experience and my own journey. If you are willing to make doing this work matter, you will begin to matter in ways you never imagined you would, and your life will begin to matter in ways you never believed it could.

So that's it for today. Make sure you check out the show notes for links to some additional resources and my weekly newsletter where I share more of my Self-Creation secrets. And don't forget to hit the subscribe button so that every episode is queued right inside your library and ready for listening.

I'll be back next Wednesday for another conversation about saying YES! to you and a life you love. I do hope you will join me.

Until then, be the woman who says YES!

Hey, want to know what's stopping you from saying YES! to you and a life you love?

Head over to https://selfcreationschool.com/yesblock and take my FREE 60 second quiz to find out what's standing in your way today and I'll send you my Self-Creation Shift process for shifting it. That's https://selfcreationschool.com/yesblock. I’ll see you there.