Living life on your terms. It’s a bit of a buzz phrase being tossed about right now, and if you’re looking to create a life you love, then I’m sure you’ve already heard it many times. But it’s for good reason.

You see, so many women don’t live a life they love because they are living it according to everyone else’s rules and expectations but their own. They tick all the boxes they think they should tick, conform to all the norms society tells them is supposed to make them happy, and they live out their life ‘right’ according to these preconceived ideas about what is the right and acceptable way to live.

The thing is, we are all born unique. Our wants, needs and desires are unique. And what’s right for one person is not always going to be right for the next. So, when we try to squish ourselves into a cookie cutter, one size fits all approach to life and happiness, it’s eventually going to make us feel like a contortionist, molding ourselves to fit spaces we really don’t naturally fit.

Now that gets pretty exhausting, and if we’re being honest, it’s not a whole lot of fun — except maybe if you are actually a contortionist. But the reality is, it’s not really any surprise that so many of us wind up feeling very disillusioned and underwhelmed by this thing called life, when we’re living out all of our one precious moments in this way.

So today, I want to have a conversation that I hope will inspire you to think about how to be more true to your uniqueness and live life your way on your terms. Because what I know is, when you do, life feels like a match made in heaven.

Welcome to The Self-Creation School podcast, for women who are ready to ditch mediocrity, step up and get more of what they want, and finally say YES! to a life that sets their soul on fire. I’m your host Leanne Letica, Self-Creation Coach, founder of The Self-Creation School AND Queen of YES!. If you’re ready to play life by your own personal rule book, and give yourself permission to say YES! to yourself and your wildest dreams, this podcast is the place for you.

Hello and welcome to episode number 54 of the podcast. I really can’t believe I’m saying that. It feels just like yesterday, I nervously hit the publish button on my very first episode. Something I put doing on my one day, someday list for over two years. To now call it very much a done day thing feels so incredibly good.

And getting to a whole year of podcasting happened just one episode at a time, one week at a time, and one YES! to hitting that publish button at a time. I wanted to quickly mention that because that’s exactly how you make your monumental goals feel so much easier. Remembering that every mountain is climbed just one step after another. All you need to do is keep on saying YES! to taking that next step.

Now, if I reflect on some of the things that held me back from launching a podcast for those two years — I had a lot of terms, or as I do like to call them, rules, around what someone like me could do based on all the rules I’ve learned and lived for a very long time.

Rules that society and the people in my world have taught me. Rules I’ve created as a result of my past failures and successes. Or perhaps more truthfully, rules I have allowed myself to buy into over the years. That is the real truth because we do have a choice about the rules we choose to accept for ourselves and live by. We do get to choose the terms on which we exist and experience life.

The thing is, a lot of us, and me included, we tend to outsource our existence and life experience to these external rules and norms that we buy into that do not take into any consideration who we uniquely are and what we uniquely bring to this world. And they are rules that are designed to make us conform, as opposed to shine.

I know I am not alone in saying that I bought into materialistic and societal status markers of success lock, stock, and barrel. I believed that what society and the people who mattered in my world told me was a successful way to live and the ‘right’ way to live was going to lead me to a life well lived and a life I would love waking up to.

Turns out, it didn’t. And it didn’t because the reason I bought into living my life on these kind of terms, was because I thought it would validate my worth. That if I just ticked all the boxes, I would be seen as a valued human being. I would be approved of and accepted by the people I love in my world.

I have to be honest, this is the most common reason behind living according to the rules and expectations of others. Validating your worth. Being approved of, seeking acceptance and love. It’s something I speak a whole lot about because it is at the core of almost every struggle women bring to me. It’s a concept I call SELF Wealth, and you may have heard me speak about this before.

But listen, for me, and maybe for you too, buying into the rule that in order to be accepted, approved of, valued and worthy as a human being, I had to create all of these grand externally visible markers of success — that came at a very big cost to my success internally. What am I talking about? Well, I mean my internal peace, happiness and joy.

And this is what happens when we live according to other people’s rules and expectations. When we don’t intentionally choose the terms of our existence. And it robs us of the opportunity to experience a life unique to us that does in fact fulfill our soul at the deepest possible level. Instead, it sucks the life right out of us.

Now, you are hearing about this idea of living on your terms so much these days because I think during the pandemic, we all started questioning our time on this earth and how we can make it truly matter. But also, right now there is an awakening that is happening for women.

The conversation is becoming much more open, and it is no longer taboo to put your hand up and say, this way of life simply isn’t working for me. Playing the support act, shrinking myself and my dreams to keep everyone else happy and not risk outshining anyone, putting myself last on the list, neglecting myself to tend to others, waking up to a life that ticks all the boxes but just doesn’t excite me, holding my true dreams to ransom according to how they might be judged by others, maybe they’re too big, maybe they’re too small — none of this is making me feel fulfilled and happy.

And my friend, it’s time to stop doubting your ability to challenge your norms and live life on your terms. The kind of life that you will be excited to wake up to every single day. You are the only one that gets to live your life. No one else is going to be looking back in time regretting the things you didn’t do. And the thing I’ve learned about upsetting people by no longer playing to their expectations at the expense of your own happiness, is that they are the very same people who wish they had the courage to do the same.

So, this conversation for me today really begins with being honest with yourself about the way of life you are buying into, the terms you are living by day in, day out. The norms you accept or tolerate for yourself, the definition of success and happiness you might be embracing on autopilot. And the real reasons behind why you are doing all of that.

Deciding that you finally want to live life on your terms requires that you embrace radical self-honesty and that you embrace it with self-compassion, with love and kindness. There is no value in judging and criticizing your past choices and beating yourself up over them. What’s done is done and the opportunity to change things moving forward lies in what you choose to do in the present moment, not what you’ve done in the past.

Now, being honest with yourself is to be willing to do a stock take, if you like, of both sides of the equation. What is it you truly want versus what other people expect? What kind of life would feel remarkable to live versus what other people impose on you is the ‘right’ way to live? What ways of being don’t feel true to you? And how would you like to express yourself instead?

How are you showing up in your world that leaves you feeling drained, unfulfilled, underwhelmed, or uninspired? And what would make you feel alive, excited, and inspired? What are the things in your day you dread? What are the things you look forward to, or would look forward to, if you allowed them to be part of your day? Who are the people you dread spending time with? And who are the people you’d love to spend more time with? What do you regret not having yet done in your lifetime?

And finally, what are the reasons behind you showing up for yourself and your life in all of these ways? Why do you show up for one side of the coin and not the other?

Again, this is not about being judgmental and beating up on yourself. It’s just about getting real and getting truthful with yourself. Because the self-awareness that comes with doing a stock take of your life like this, of having this kind of conversation with yourself, is the very key that unlocks the door to what comes next.

I say this often. Awareness is the first step towards paving the way for change. You cannot change what you do not know exists or don’t allow yourself to acknowledge exists.

Now, I’m also going to encourage you not to look at this stock take with overwhelm. If you have had a really honest conversation with yourself, you will likely have uncovered what could easily feel like a very big mess if you allow yourself to see it that way. But I want to bring you back to the mountain. Remember, you can climb even the biggest mountain simply by taking one step at a time.

So, let’s look at what to do with all of this very good information you’ve gathered about yourself and the terms you’ve been living by, that are maybe not contributing to your happiness and life fulfillment, so you can start taking those towards a life you wildly love. And the first thing is to take stock of what needs to change and where it feels most important for you to start.

Now, I like to do this by organizing your stock take, your conversation that you just had with yourself, into two lists — the two sides of the coin, essentially. So, list one is for all the things you are ready to release. And I want you to round up all of the things from your stock take that do not serve you or will no longer serve you moving forward. For example, the obligations or norms that feel draining, restrictive, or unaligned with how you’d like to show up in your world. The people who feel draining and so on.

On the second list, I want you to place all the things from your stock take that you are excited to embrace. Even if you don’t yet know how you will embrace them. Remember, the mountain is one step at a time. If you are excited at the thought of having embraced them, I want you to place them on this list. The how these things will happen is not something you need to debate at this time, or honestly, at any time. So, put all the things that you think will bring you joy, fulfillment, peace, happiness and so on, on that list. Things that if they were part of your life right now, you’d be excited to wake up to. With me?

Then I like to order these things from the most draining, restrictive or unaligned to the least on the first list, and the most exciting to the least on the second. This is important because I want you to start small. You might think I’d say tackle the biggest drain. You can, but what I found is that starting with the smallest one is going to be a whole lot easier and it’s going to give you a quick and easy win. And what that does is helps you build your confidence for taking the next step.

Mountains often get steeper as you climb. But the further along you are on the mountain, the more confidence you are going to have in your ability to reach the top, right? So, start with the smaller, easier steps, and one by one, walk your way through until you eventually reach the steps that might feel a little steep.

Which brings me to the next thing to do with all of this information, and that is to choose one thing from each side of the coin — one thing to release, and one thing to embrace. And consider what boundaries you may need to create to release that one thing and embrace the other, and also what standards you may need to elevate to support you in upholding these boundaries.

Here’s what I want to say about boundaries. The ‘B’ word is one of those kinds of words that can often cause shivers to run up and down our spines. You don’t want to be the one who moves the cheese, who upsets the apple cart. I hope by now though, you are starting to realize that this very thinking is keeping you stuck in a life you don’t fully love. Listen, boundaries are not selfish, they are an act of self-respect. And the boundaries you set for yourself and with others confirm to you and teaches others what you will accept.

Now of course when you haven’t had boundaries, or when you’ve had boundaries that serve others and not you, when you change them there are probably going to be some unhappy people, but with time you’ll find that most people will come to accept your new terms. Those who don’t are probably the same people who wish they had your courage to take a stand and live life on your terms. Remember we talked about that earlier.

Boundaries are healthy for everyone. When people know what you stand for, it makes it easy for them to know how to be a part of your world, or not. Some people may decide they don’t like your boundaries at all and completely remove themselves from your world. That is actually a very healthy outcome for them and for you. You want to fill your world with the people who celebrate you, all of you, not simply tolerate you.

Okay, so boundaries are your way of saying this is what I will no longer accept for myself and here’s what I will. It’s not about shutting people out, but it’s more about letting the right people and the right things in.

Again, setting boundaries, this is just going to be one step at a time. So, with the one thing you chose from each list, from each side of the coin, what one boundary might you need to put in place to help you release and embrace?

It could be deciding that you will say no to social obligations during the weekdays because they leave you tired for what matters most the next day. Then I want you to uphold that boundary and say no this week. It could be putting in place a boundary that protects your self-care time and helps you say YES! to taking time out to relax on Sunday afternoon. You get the idea.

Choose one boundary that supports releasing something that doesn’t serve you and another boundary that supports embracing something that contributes to a life you love.

Now the thing I know about boundaries is that when you set intentional boundaries that support you living a life you love on your terms, you are also going to need to raise the standards you hold for yourself and your life. Standards that ultimately convey who you are and how you show up in your world. And here’s what I mean.

If you want to be someone who no longer puts herself last on the list and instead prioritizes self-care, your boundaries might be saying no to taking on overtime that eats into your evening, so that you can say YES! to time for you. You might have a standard that supports you in being a woman who prioritizes self-care of stretching daily, no matter what, taking time for a daily walk, switching off your devices by 6 p. m. and not answering emails on weekends. You get the idea, right?

The boundary is the ‘what.’ The what you will no longer accept or tolerate, which paves the way for the standard, which is the ‘who’. Who you get to be because of your boundaries. And it is the who that is the most powerful part in all of this. When you have standards that represent who you would truly love to be, the you who lives a life she loves, that It’s where the true magic starts to happen.

So, when you look at what you are releasing and embracing, and the boundaries you are putting in place, who do these boundaries support you in being? How do you act, think and show up in your world because of these boundaries?

Then think about the standards you would embody as this version of you. Like I said, it could be a standard that you make time for moving your body every day, no matter what, because you are a woman who prioritizes self-care, and you now have boundaries in place that say no to the things that compromise that and YES! to the things that support it.

Let’s just take a quick recap before I give you the final part to this.

The first thing is to do a stock take. Start by getting radically honest with yourself about the life you’re currently living. Look at what’s draining you, what doesn’t feel true to you, and identify what lights you up and aligns with the life you want to live.

Then create two lists and organize your stock take into what you’re ready to release, those things that no longer serve you, those obligations, norms, or habits that feel draining and restrictive. And what you’re excited to embrace, the things that bring joy, fulfillment, and alignment. Even if you’re not yet sure how you’re going to make them happen.

Then choose one thing from each list. Again, the focus is on taking small manageable steps to build that momentum and confidence. And put boundaries in place to release what doesn’t serve you and make space for what does. Then align your standards with the person you want to be. The version of you who shows up for herself and lives life on her terms.

Moving on, this is the final tip and maybe the most important tip I have for you about living life on your terms.

You must decide that you matter. Your unique wants, needs, and desires matter. And that you deserve to experience life in your own unique way, irrespective of what anyone else thinks and whether or not they approve.

You must decide that you mattering and the life you want mattering is not up for debate. It is something you no longer seek external validation and approval for. As a woman who lives life on her terms, you understand that only you can give to you that validation and approval you’ve been seeking outside of you through things like people-pleasing, shrinking your dreams to keep others happy, achieving those external markers of success, and so on.

So, decide to do that. Give yourself the green tick of approval. Remember, only you get to live your life, and no one is really going to be thinking about the things you did or didn’t do when they’re 95 except for you.

You must also decide that your boundaries deserve to be respected by you and by others, and that your standards equally deserve to be upheld. That means showing up for yourself and the life you want to experience every single day. Does it mean you’re going to get this right every single day? No, it does not and ask me how I know. But it means you show up and you try consistently, just one day at a time, one step at a time.

And I’m going to borrow something a friend shared with me yesterday when we were talking about consistency. I know she’ll be listening in too, so thank you for the inspiration. What she said was this, it’s about being consistent more often than not. I really think that’s the key.

A lot of women look at my success and they think I have it all perfectly figured out and that I’m doing all of the things all of the time. The reality is I’m where I am today because I’ve showed up consistently more often than not and said YES! to myself and living life on my terms again, and again, and again.

I haven’t got this perfect. I still have stories. I still have self-doubt. I still fall into the trap of people-pleasing, perfectionism, and procrastination. Of telling myself I can’t do the things I want to do. I’m not good enough. I often share my struggles with you here on this podcast. And the fact that I don’t have this perfect and I still have struggles, to me, is just so very exciting. It should be for you too.

Because what it means is, you do not need to have this all figured out to start seeing some truly remarkable results in your life. But you do need to show up more consistently than not for the life you want and say YES! to living it on your terms again and again and again — one step at a time, one day at a time, and one YES! at a time. That is how you climb the mountain. And my friend, you’ll discover some pretty spectacular views along the way, which makes all the hard work so very worthwhile.

You do only have this one precious life. Stop outsourcing how you live it to other people. Stop holding your worthiness ransom to living according to rules that simply do not contribute to you living a life well lived. Let go of the external noise and start tuning into you. Set those boundaries and standards one by one. And remember, every time you uphold them, you are voting for you. You are voting for a life that you will be obsessed to live.

The world needs your happiness, my friend, more than ever before. And honestly, your happiness is completely up to you. But just imagine how you might inspire others in your world to say YES! to their own happiness when you say YES! to your own.

That’s it from me this week. I’ll be here same time, same place next Wednesday with more of my Self-Creation secrets to help you be the woman who lives a life you love. I look forward to your company.

Until then, be the woman who says YES!

Hey, want to know what’s stopping you from saying YES! to you and a life you love?

Head over to https://selfcreationschool.com/yesblock and take my FREE 60 second quiz to find out what’s standing in your way today and I’ll send you my Self-Creation Shift process for shifting it.

That’s https://selfcreationschool.com/yesblock. I’ll see you there.

Living life on your terms. It’s a bit of a buzz phrase being tossed about right now, and if you’re looking to create a life you love, then I’m sure you’ve already heard it many times. But it’s for good reason.

You see, so many women don’t live a life they love because they are living it according to everyone else’s rules and expectations but their own. They tick all the boxes they think they should tick, conform to all the norms society tells them is supposed to make them happy, and they live out their life ‘right’ according to these preconceived ideas about what is the right and acceptable way to live.

The thing is, we are all born unique. Our wants, needs and desires are unique. And what’s right for one person is not always going to be right for the next. So, when we try to squish ourselves into a cookie cutter, one size fits all approach to life and happiness, it’s eventually going to make us feel like a contortionist, molding ourselves to fit spaces we really don’t naturally fit.

Now that gets pretty exhausting, and if we’re being honest, it’s not a whole lot of fun — except maybe if you are actually a contortionist. But the reality is, it’s not really any surprise that so many of us wind up feeling very disillusioned and underwhelmed by this thing called life, when we’re living out all of our one precious moments in this way.

So today, I want to have a conversation that I hope will inspire you to think about how to be more true to your uniqueness and live life your way on your terms. Because what I know is, when you do, life feels like a match made in heaven.

Welcome to The Self-Creation School podcast, for women who are ready to ditch mediocrity, step up and get more of what they want, and finally say YES! to a life that sets their soul on fire. I’m your host Leanne Letica, Self-Creation Coach, founder of The Self-Creation School AND Queen of YES!. If you’re ready to play life by your own personal rule book, and give yourself permission to say YES! to yourself and your wildest dreams, this podcast is the place for you.

Hello and welcome to episode number 54 of the podcast. I really can’t believe I’m saying that. It feels just like yesterday, I nervously hit the publish button on my very first episode. Something I put doing on my one day, someday list for over two years. To now call it very much a done day thing feels so incredibly good.

And getting to a whole year of podcasting happened just one episode at a time, one week at a time, and one YES! to hitting that publish button at a time. I wanted to quickly mention that because that’s exactly how you make your monumental goals feel so much easier. Remembering that every mountain is climbed just one step after another. All you need to do is keep on saying YES! to taking that next step.

Now, if I reflect on some of the things that held me back from launching a podcast for those two years — I had a lot of terms, or as I do like to call them, rules, around what someone like me could do based on all the rules I’ve learned and lived for a very long time.

Rules that society and the people in my world have taught me. Rules I’ve created as a result of my past failures and successes. Or perhaps more truthfully, rules I have allowed myself to buy into over the years. That is the real truth because we do have a choice about the rules we choose to accept for ourselves and live by. We do get to choose the terms on which we exist and experience life.

The thing is, a lot of us, and me included, we tend to outsource our existence and life experience to these external rules and norms that we buy into that do not take into any consideration who we uniquely are and what we uniquely bring to this world. And they are rules that are designed to make us conform, as opposed to shine.

I know I am not alone in saying that I bought into materialistic and societal status markers of success lock, stock, and barrel. I believed that what society and the people who mattered in my world told me was a successful way to live and the ‘right’ way to live was going to lead me to a life well lived and a life I would love waking up to.

Turns out, it didn’t. And it didn’t because the reason I bought into living my life on these kind of terms, was because I thought it would validate my worth. That if I just ticked all the boxes, I would be seen as a valued human being. I would be approved of and accepted by the people I love in my world.

I have to be honest, this is the most common reason behind living according to the rules and expectations of others. Validating your worth. Being approved of, seeking acceptance and love. It’s something I speak a whole lot about because it is at the core of almost every struggle women bring to me. It’s a concept I call SELF Wealth, and you may have heard me speak about this before.

But listen, for me, and maybe for you too, buying into the rule that in order to be accepted, approved of, valued and worthy as a human being, I had to create all of these grand externally visible markers of success — that came at a very big cost to my success internally. What am I talking about? Well, I mean my internal peace, happiness and joy.

And this is what happens when we live according to other people’s rules and expectations. When we don’t intentionally choose the terms of our existence. And it robs us of the opportunity to experience a life unique to us that does in fact fulfill our soul at the deepest possible level. Instead, it sucks the life right out of us.

Now, you are hearing about this idea of living on your terms so much these days because I think during the pandemic, we all started questioning our time on this earth and how we can make it truly matter. But also, right now there is an awakening that is happening for women.

The conversation is becoming much more open, and it is no longer taboo to put your hand up and say, this way of life simply isn’t working for me. Playing the support act, shrinking myself and my dreams to keep everyone else happy and not risk outshining anyone, putting myself last on the list, neglecting myself to tend to others, waking up to a life that ticks all the boxes but just doesn’t excite me, holding my true dreams to ransom according to how they might be judged by others, maybe they’re too big, maybe they’re too small — none of this is making me feel fulfilled and happy.

And my friend, it’s time to stop doubting your ability to challenge your norms and live life on your terms. The kind of life that you will be excited to wake up to every single day. You are the only one that gets to live your life. No one else is going to be looking back in time regretting the things you didn’t do. And the thing I’ve learned about upsetting people by no longer playing to their expectations at the expense of your own happiness, is that they are the very same people who wish they had the courage to do the same.

So, this conversation for me today really begins with being honest with yourself about the way of life you are buying into, the terms you are living by day in, day out. The norms you accept or tolerate for yourself, the definition of success and happiness you might be embracing on autopilot. And the real reasons behind why you are doing all of that.

Deciding that you finally want to live life on your terms requires that you embrace radical self-honesty and that you embrace it with self-compassion, with love and kindness. There is no value in judging and criticizing your past choices and beating yourself up over them. What’s done is done and the opportunity to change things moving forward lies in what you choose to do in the present moment, not what you’ve done in the past.

Now, being honest with yourself is to be willing to do a stock take, if you like, of both sides of the equation. What is it you truly want versus what other people expect? What kind of life would feel remarkable to live versus what other people impose on you is the ‘right’ way to live? What ways of being don’t feel true to you? And how would you like to express yourself instead?

How are you showing up in your world that leaves you feeling drained, unfulfilled, underwhelmed, or uninspired? And what would make you feel alive, excited, and inspired? What are the things in your day you dread? What are the things you look forward to, or would look forward to, if you allowed them to be part of your day? Who are the people you dread spending time with? And who are the people you’d love to spend more time with? What do you regret not having yet done in your lifetime?

And finally, what are the reasons behind you showing up for yourself and your life in all of these ways? Why do you show up for one side of the coin and not the other?

Again, this is not about being judgmental and beating up on yourself. It’s just about getting real and getting truthful with yourself. Because the self-awareness that comes with doing a stock take of your life like this, of having this kind of conversation with yourself, is the very key that unlocks the door to what comes next.

I say this often. Awareness is the first step towards paving the way for change. You cannot change what you do not know exists or don’t allow yourself to acknowledge exists.

Now, I’m also going to encourage you not to look at this stock take with overwhelm. If you have had a really honest conversation with yourself, you will likely have uncovered what could easily feel like a very big mess if you allow yourself to see it that way. But I want to bring you back to the mountain. Remember, you can climb even the biggest mountain simply by taking one step at a time.

So, let’s look at what to do with all of this very good information you’ve gathered about yourself and the terms you’ve been living by, that are maybe not contributing to your happiness and life fulfillment, so you can start taking those towards a life you wildly love. And the first thing is to take stock of what needs to change and where it feels most important for you to start.

Now, I like to do this by organizing your stock take, your conversation that you just had with yourself, into two lists — the two sides of the coin, essentially. So, list one is for all the things you are ready to release. And I want you to round up all of the things from your stock take that do not serve you or will no longer serve you moving forward. For example, the obligations or norms that feel draining, restrictive, or unaligned with how you’d like to show up in your world. The people who feel draining and so on.

On the second list, I want you to place all the things from your stock take that you are excited to embrace. Even if you don’t yet know how you will embrace them. Remember, the mountain is one step at a time. If you are excited at the thought of having embraced them, I want you to place them on this list. The how these things will happen is not something you need to debate at this time, or honestly, at any time. So, put all the things that you think will bring you joy, fulfillment, peace, happiness and so on, on that list. Things that if they were part of your life right now, you’d be excited to wake up to. With me?

Then I like to order these things from the most draining, restrictive or unaligned to the least on the first list, and the most exciting to the least on the second. This is important because I want you to start small. You might think I’d say tackle the biggest drain. You can, but what I found is that starting with the smallest one is going to be a whole lot easier and it’s going to give you a quick and easy win. And what that does is helps you build your confidence for taking the next step.

Mountains often get steeper as you climb. But the further along you are on the mountain, the more confidence you are going to have in your ability to reach the top, right? So, start with the smaller, easier steps, and one by one, walk your way through until you eventually reach the steps that might feel a little steep.

Which brings me to the next thing to do with all of this information, and that is to choose one thing from each side of the coin — one thing to release, and one thing to embrace. And consider what boundaries you may need to create to release that one thing and embrace the other, and also what standards you may need to elevate to support you in upholding these boundaries.

Here’s what I want to say about boundaries. The ‘B’ word is one of those kinds of words that can often cause shivers to run up and down our spines. You don’t want to be the one who moves the cheese, who upsets the apple cart. I hope by now though, you are starting to realize that this very thinking is keeping you stuck in a life you don’t fully love. Listen, boundaries are not selfish, they are an act of self-respect. And the boundaries you set for yourself and with others confirm to you and teaches others what you will accept.

Now of course when you haven’t had boundaries, or when you’ve had boundaries that serve others and not you, when you change them there are probably going to be some unhappy people, but with time you’ll find that most people will come to accept your new terms. Those who don’t are probably the same people who wish they had your courage to take a stand and live life on your terms. Remember we talked about that earlier.

Boundaries are healthy for everyone. When people know what you stand for, it makes it easy for them to know how to be a part of your world, or not. Some people may decide they don’t like your boundaries at all and completely remove themselves from your world. That is actually a very healthy outcome for them and for you. You want to fill your world with the people who celebrate you, all of you, not simply tolerate you.

Okay, so boundaries are your way of saying this is what I will no longer accept for myself and here’s what I will. It’s not about shutting people out, but it’s more about letting the right people and the right things in.

Again, setting boundaries, this is just going to be one step at a time. So, with the one thing you chose from each list, from each side of the coin, what one boundary might you need to put in place to help you release and embrace?

It could be deciding that you will say no to social obligations during the weekdays because they leave you tired for what matters most the next day. Then I want you to uphold that boundary and say no this week. It could be putting in place a boundary that protects your self-care time and helps you say YES! to taking time out to relax on Sunday afternoon. You get the idea.

Choose one boundary that supports releasing something that doesn’t serve you and another boundary that supports embracing something that contributes to a life you love.

Now the thing I know about boundaries is that when you set intentional boundaries that support you living a life you love on your terms, you are also going to need to raise the standards you hold for yourself and your life. Standards that ultimately convey who you are and how you show up in your world. And here’s what I mean.

If you want to be someone who no longer puts herself last on the list and instead prioritizes self-care, your boundaries might be saying no to taking on overtime that eats into your evening, so that you can say YES! to time for you. You might have a standard that supports you in being a woman who prioritizes self-care of stretching daily, no matter what, taking time for a daily walk, switching off your devices by 6 p. m. and not answering emails on weekends. You get the idea, right?

The boundary is the ‘what.’ The what you will no longer accept or tolerate, which paves the way for the standard, which is the ‘who’. Who you get to be because of your boundaries. And it is the who that is the most powerful part in all of this. When you have standards that represent who you would truly love to be, the you who lives a life she loves, that It’s where the true magic starts to happen.

So, when you look at what you are releasing and embracing, and the boundaries you are putting in place, who do these boundaries support you in being? How do you act, think and show up in your world because of these boundaries?

Then think about the standards you would embody as this version of you. Like I said, it could be a standard that you make time for moving your body every day, no matter what, because you are a woman who prioritizes self-care, and you now have boundaries in place that say no to the things that compromise that and YES! to the things that support it.

Let’s just take a quick recap before I give you the final part to this.

The first thing is to do a stock take. Start by getting radically honest with yourself about the life you’re currently living. Look at what’s draining you, what doesn’t feel true to you, and identify what lights you up and aligns with the life you want to live.

Then create two lists and organize your stock take into what you’re ready to release, those things that no longer serve you, those obligations, norms, or habits that feel draining and restrictive. And what you’re excited to embrace, the things that bring joy, fulfillment, and alignment. Even if you’re not yet sure how you’re going to make them happen.

Then choose one thing from each list. Again, the focus is on taking small manageable steps to build that momentum and confidence. And put boundaries in place to release what doesn’t serve you and make space for what does. Then align your standards with the person you want to be. The version of you who shows up for herself and lives life on her terms.

Moving on, this is the final tip and maybe the most important tip I have for you about living life on your terms.

You must decide that you matter. Your unique wants, needs, and desires matter. And that you deserve to experience life in your own unique way, irrespective of what anyone else thinks and whether or not they approve.

You must decide that you mattering and the life you want mattering is not up for debate. It is something you no longer seek external validation and approval for. As a woman who lives life on her terms, you understand that only you can give to you that validation and approval you’ve been seeking outside of you through things like people-pleasing, shrinking your dreams to keep others happy, achieving those external markers of success, and so on.

So, decide to do that. Give yourself the green tick of approval. Remember, only you get to live your life, and no one is really going to be thinking about the things you did or didn’t do when they’re 95 except for you.

You must also decide that your boundaries deserve to be respected by you and by others, and that your standards equally deserve to be upheld. That means showing up for yourself and the life you want to experience every single day. Does it mean you’re going to get this right every single day? No, it does not and ask me how I know. But it means you show up and you try consistently, just one day at a time, one step at a time.

And I’m going to borrow something a friend shared with me yesterday when we were talking about consistency. I know she’ll be listening in too, so thank you for the inspiration. What she said was this, it’s about being consistent more often than not. I really think that’s the key.

A lot of women look at my success and they think I have it all perfectly figured out and that I’m doing all of the things all of the time. The reality is I’m where I am today because I’ve showed up consistently more often than not and said YES! to myself and living life on my terms again, and again, and again.

I haven’t got this perfect. I still have stories. I still have self-doubt. I still fall into the trap of people-pleasing, perfectionism, and procrastination. Of telling myself I can’t do the things I want to do. I’m not good enough. I often share my struggles with you here on this podcast. And the fact that I don’t have this perfect and I still have struggles, to me, is just so very exciting. It should be for you too.

Because what it means is, you do not need to have this all figured out to start seeing some truly remarkable results in your life. But you do need to show up more consistently than not for the life you want and say YES! to living it on your terms again and again and again — one step at a time, one day at a time, and one YES! at a time. That is how you climb the mountain. And my friend, you’ll discover some pretty spectacular views along the way, which makes all the hard work so very worthwhile.

You do only have this one precious life. Stop outsourcing how you live it to other people. Stop holding your worthiness ransom to living according to rules that simply do not contribute to you living a life well lived. Let go of the external noise and start tuning into you. Set those boundaries and standards one by one. And remember, every time you uphold them, you are voting for you. You are voting for a life that you will be obsessed to live.

The world needs your happiness, my friend, more than ever before. And honestly, your happiness is completely up to you. But just imagine how you might inspire others in your world to say YES! to their own happiness when you say YES! to your own.

That’s it from me this week. I’ll be here same time, same place next Wednesday with more of my Self-Creation secrets to help you be the woman who lives a life you love. I look forward to your company.

Until then, be the woman who says YES!

Hey, want to know what’s stopping you from saying YES! to you and a life you love?

Head over to https://selfcreationschool.com/yesblock and take my FREE 60 second quiz to find out what’s standing in your way today and I’ll send you my Self-Creation Shift process for shifting it.

That’s https://selfcreationschool.com/yesblock. I’ll see you there.