Have you ever had a birthday or special occasion, like an anniversary perhaps, where you ended the day feeling more disappointed than delighted? Maybe it wasn't because the day was necessarily all that bad, but because it didn't feel special in the way you hoped it would. You thought it would feel different, more meaningful, more thoughtful, more fulfilling, but somehow it just didn't hit the mark.

I know this feeling all too well. I spent years hoping – actually no, not hoping but expecting – that others would make me feel celebrated, feel special on days that were extra special to me, only to end up feeling let down. And if I'm honest, often more than a little hurt. Because when someone didn't celebrate me or our relationship in the way I believed they should, I made it mean I wasn't loved, that I wasn't valued or appreciated. I attached all these heavy stories to their actions, or their lack of action, and let those stories dictate how I felt.

But what I've learned the hard way over the years is this. When you outsource the gift of your own happiness and joy to others, the gift of celebrating you for everything that you are, you're not only setting yourself up for disappointment, but you're giving away your power to create the life experience you want.

So today on my birthday, I want to share how I stopped outsourcing my joy, how I took charge of my special days and how you can too. Because when you stop waiting for someone else to create your happiness and start gifting it to you, you create a life where every day feels like it's worth celebrating.

Welcome to The Self-Creation School podcast, for women who are ready to ditch mediocrity, step up and get more of what they want, and finally say YES! to a life that sets their soul on fire. I'm your host Leanne Letica, Self-Creation Coach, founder of The Self-Creation School AND Queen of YES!. If you're ready to play life by your own personal rule book, and give yourself permission to say YES! to yourself and your wildest dreams, this podcast is the place for you.

Hello and welcome to a very special episode of the podcast today because, well, it's my birthday. And birthdays are special, am I right? Because they are a celebration of you and your presence in this world, and what could be more special than that?

The thing about birthdays though, and anniversaries, holidays, and many other types of special occasions, is they have a way of stirring up all kinds of emotions, don't they? And often not the ones we want to feel or think we should feel on these special days.

You see, a lot of us place so much weight on special occasions to validate our worthiness to be celebrated, to validate how special we are in our world to others. So we place a lot of importance on them looking and feeling a certain way. And when the occasion doesn't match the picture in our minds, or specifically, it doesn't make us feel the way we wanted or expected to feel, we can and often do end up feeling disappointed, unappreciated, and unloved.

But what if, instead of leaving your happiness in someone else's hands, you took charge of how you want to feel? What if you gifted you the feelings you want, when you want? And I'm not just talking about on birthdays or other special occasions. I'm talking about reclaiming your power to feel the way you want every day of your life.

Well, that's exactly what I want to share with you today. How to take control of not just the extra special days, but the everyday occasion of your life, stop outsourcing your feelings of love, joy, and worthiness, and start gifting you the experiences and emotions you truly desire.

So without further ado, let's dive in.

And to begin, I want to share a little about my journey with special occasions, in particular birthdays and anniversaries, because I think there is a little bit of me in all of us.

For many years, I thought occasions like birthdays and anniversaries should be something grand, something out of the ordinary and full of thoughtful gestures from loved ones, and this deep sense of being seen and valued, of being celebrated.

The problem with this, and I'm certainly not suggesting they shouldn't be celebrated in this way, but the problem with this list of shoulds is that it leaves a whole lot open to interpretation, and my happiness relied on other people somehow magically meeting these very vague expectations. It was almost 100 percent guaranteed that I'd feel let down, because the reality is, how could I even know if they fulfilled my brief or not.

I set myself up for disappointment time and again with these vague expectations, because I would think things like this. If my husband really loves me, he'll plan something romantic for our anniversary. He'll know exactly what I want and sweep me off my feet with some grand gesture that celebrates our love and makes me feel very special.

Of course, when that didn't happen – because let's face it, when ‘what’ happened – my heart would inevitably feel crushed, and I'd convince myself this was evidence for how I was unloved and unvalued in my marriage. Because if he cared, he'd know how I wanted to celebrate, right? If he really valued me and our love, he'd make the occasion feel special. Even though, once again, I wasn't even clear on what this feeling of special looked like.

And it wasn't just him. I outsourced this vague brief of mine to other people too. To my friends, to my family, to anyone I thought should know how to make me feel special on the days that were extra special to me. Without so much as one word to express how I'd love to be celebrated. Every year, I waited for someone else to make these days magically perfect. And every year, I usually ended up more disappointed than I was delighted.

How many times has this been you too? How many times have you taken the stance that those who know and love you should know exactly how to make you feel special on your special days? The reality is people don't read minds. They especially don't read minds that aren't clear. And even when they try, they may not express love and appreciation in the ideal way we'd like to receive it.

For example, I am a 'words' person. Words are my love language. If you want to make my day, simply send me a message that says, “sending you hugs”. My friend, I will receive those hugs and send them right back. But my husband isn't a person who easily expresses himself through the written word. And for many years, I'd be so disappointed because he didn't write me a heartfelt card on our anniversary or my birthday to express his love and appreciation for me.

And I'd make this mean he didn't love me or value me, which couldn't have been further from the truth. But year after year, when I longed for that card, and when that card didn't come, I simply used this as evidence that my husband didn't love me, because if he did, he'd surely do something as simple as writing in a card. Even if he didn't like putting words to paper, if he knew how much it meant to me, surely if he cared about me, he'd give me his words. Not only was I closing the door to his unique ways of showing me his love, but I made his love conditional on something that just isn't who he is.

For years, I outsourced my feelings of love and value in this way. I handed over responsibility for my happiness to others. And when they didn't deliver, I made it mean something about me and something about my relationships with the people in my world. But really it was never about them or me or our relationship.

It was about me not taking charge of my own life experience. It was about me not standing in my power to decide what I make things mean and to embrace my own inherent worthiness. It was about me not allowing other people to be other people, to be themselves and to show me love and appreciation in their own unique ways instead of the preconceived ways I thought they should. And it was about me not gifting to myself the feelings of worthiness, love, and appreciation that only I, in all truthfulness, can give to me.

And if you've ever felt let down by others on your own special occasions, or perhaps you feel let down regularly in your everyday life, this might be the case for you too.

Listen, the point I make is this. When we tie our feelings of love, appreciation, joy, or any other emotion we want to feel to how someone else performs, we lose control of our experience. Our experience is an inside job. It is our responsibility.

And I know you're probably thinking, as I was too, “Leanne, it's not so special if I have to plan my own birthdays, if I have to take care of all the details to get the experience I want.” I mean, writing a heartfelt card to yourself doesn't really cut it, right? Well actually it can, and I'll come to that in a moment, but taking charge of your experience doesn't necessarily mean doing everything yourself.

It means being clear about what you want your experience to be and asking for it. It also means getting clear on other people's ability to comply with that. Not everyone is going to be capable of meeting your needs, even when you ask very directly for what you want. And listen, that is okay. Remember, everyone gets to be who they are, not just you.

So, get clear on what it is you want. Ask for what you want. And if others are not capable of giving that to you, if it is truly important to you, then be prepared to give it to yourself. Honestly, when you meet your own needs first, it opens the door for others to celebrate you in the ways they are capable of. So, if you want a bouquet of flowers, buy yourself one. You can even have it delivered on your special day. If you want a special dinner, plan it. Then what others do is just icing on the cake.

Because here's what I want for you to understand. None of these things really matter. The flowers, the dinner, what people do or don't do, none of it matters. What really matters are the stories you choose to tell yourself about these things because this is what creates your feelings. The flowers, the dinner, whether they happen or they don't, these are just neutral things, neutral events. They mean nothing at all until you attach a meaning to them.

My friend, nothing outside of you and no one outside of you can actually make you feel anything. It's always the meaning you attach to the things outside of you, the story you tell about what other people do and don't do. That's what creates your feelings. And you, and only you, get to decide what you make everything mean.

Let me give you an example to demonstrate how this works and why it is just so important that you understand this concept.

Let's say you are explicit about how you want a birthday dinner planned, and your loved one follows your instructions to the T. Even so, deep down, you still believe your loved one should have instinctively known what you want without needing to be told. And so, despite your loved one doing exactly what you wanted, you make having to be clear and specific about what you want mean that you are not loved, appreciated and valued. The result is dinner will likely feel like a big disappointment.

But let's say instead of choosing that story, you made being able to be clear and specific in your relationship about your wants and needs, and your loved one's willingness to fulfill them, mean that you are abundantly loved, appreciated and valued. Dinner will likely feel like a special celebration indeed.

Do you see how this works? It's not the dinner itself that makes you feel loved or disappointed. It's not what your loved one does or doesn't do. It's the story you attach to the whole experience. And you, my friend, are in charge of the stories you choose to tell.

This is the first and the most important shift that I made - taking control of my story and responsibility for my emotions.

Listen, to create the life experience you want, you must stop outsourcing your feelings to people and things outside of you. You must recognize that no one else can make you feel loved, valued, or special unless you decide to feel that way. It's not about the dinner, the flowers or the card, it's about the meaning you give to those things.

So, next time you feel a negative emotion, whether it's a special occasion or just part of your everyday, pause for a moment and ask yourself this. What story am I telling myself about this situation? And what story could I tell instead that would support me in feeling a more positive emotion?

Here's an example. Instead of telling myself, “My husband didn't write a card because he doesn't care”, I shifted my story to, “My husband shows his love in different ways, like helping me with practical things that make my everyday life easier”. And that simple shift, transformed completely how I felt because I chose a story that felt loving instead of hurtful.

Remember, you are in control of the stories you choose to tell about all of these kinds of things. You get to decide what you make them mean. And by choosing empowering stories, you will reclaim your power to gift you the feelings you'd rather feel.

Now, a quick word of caution here. Be mindful of the other stories and feelings that might pop up when you start to shift your external expectations of others and bring all of this in-house.

Sometimes, stories can creep in about excusing other people's behaviors. Stories about you being the one to sacrifice or compromise your needs or make allowances for others that they may or may not reciprocate. And this can cause feelings of resentment. Like for instance, a story of having to plan your own birthday dinner because no one else will. And sometimes taking charge of what you want can also lead to stories of selfishness and feelings of guilt.

If this happens for you, that's okay. And listen, it's perfectly normal. Simply go about choosing a better story once again that shifts these kind of negative emotions to more positive ones. For example, instead of thinking, “I have to plan my own birthday dinner because no one else will”, you could choose to think, “I love getting to plan my perfect celebration with all the people I care about”. That is a much more empowering story and one that is going to feel a whole lot better.

So, take back your power and take responsibility for choosing what you make everything mean and in turn, for how you feel. And my friend, you can apply this concept to those special occasions, your everyday moments, and everything in between.

Now, once I stopped outsourcing my feelings, the next important shift I made was to get specific about the feelings I truly wanted to experience.

What is it you want to feel? Is it loved? Appreciated? Valued? Respected? Accepted? Validated? Supported? Connected? Perhaps you want to feel secure. Maybe it's proud or accomplished. Always start with the feelings, not the actions or the things. Ask yourself, what do I really want to feel in this moment or on this occasion? Then work backwards and choose the story that supports you in feeling this way.

Are you starting to see how this works? It's all about choosing better stories to feel better emotions.

Now, many of us sweep our feelings under the carpet and hope for the best, which aside from almost guaranteeing you'll feel disappointed time and again, it does sometimes make it hard to suddenly open up and tap into how you desire to feel.

If this is you, try thinking at first about how you don't want to feel. Because that's often so much easier for us to tap into. Think back to a special occasion in the past where you felt more disappointed than delighted. What emotions did you feel then? Was it sadness? A feeling of being unloved, unvalued, unaccepted? Often the emotions we don't want to feel point us directly towards the emotions we do.

Okay, so the next shift I made is where the magic begins to happen. Once you know how it is you want to feel, don't wait for someone else to create it for you. Instead, ask yourself, “how can I gift myself this feeling right now?”

For example, if you want to feel loved, write yourself a love letter filled with all the reasons you love who you are. Yes, I know, it might sound a little corny, and yes, it may feel awkward at first. But there is incredible power in seeing your own worth through your own eyes and putting pen to paper.

If you want to feel valued, take time to celebrate your own accomplishments. Reflect on what you've done recently that makes you feel proud. Take time out to value yourself by treating yourself to some self-care time, perhaps a Sunday afternoon with a new book, or simply an evening of rest.

If you want to feel special, buy yourself the bouquet of flowers you've been hoping someone else would send. Plan your ideal day, then live it out.

By meeting your own needs first, you shift from waiting to empowered. You stop hoping others will guess what you need and instead, you create the joy, love and appreciation you deserve, not one day, but today. You stop placing the life you want on hold and start living it as your reality.

The next shift for me was this. Recognizing how I already felt the way I wanted to feel throughout my day. Here's what I mean. Sometimes the feelings we want are already present. We just haven't noticed them, or we haven't been open to the opportunity to feel them.

So, my third tip for you is this. As you go through your day, start tuning in to your feelings and look for all the opportunities that do exist to feel the way you want.

For example, if you want to feel more love, start noticing the small gestures of love around you, like a friend texting you to check in, or the way someone smiles at you at the grocery store. If you're longing for appreciation, spend some time to reflect on compliments you've received recently, or the way someone thanked you for your help.

This will help you tap into the feeling of being appreciated, or any other emotion you want to reflect on. You don't have to wait for these moments to happen in order for the feeling to happen. You can reflect on them, you can relive them, you can recreate the feeling you want in any moment you choose.

The thing about this is, when you start looking for evidence of the feelings you desire, you'll realize they're often more available to you than you think. And as you focus on how you already feel the way you want to feel, you will attract more opportunities into your life to feel this way, because like energy attracts like energy.

The final important shift for me, and my final tip for you today, is this. Don't wait around for birthdays or anniversaries to feel the way you want. Instead, treat every day as an opportunity to celebrate you, to gift you with the experiences and feelings you desire and deserve to have in your one precious life.

Try starting your morning by writing down three things you love about yourself, or moments you're proud of from the day before. This small, seemingly insignificant practice shifts your mindset towards self-appreciation and really does set a positive tone for your day. Importantly, when you make this kind of self-celebration a habit, you build a foundation of love, appreciation and positivity that doesn't rely on anyone else. And the more you celebrate yourself, the more others will feel inspired to celebrate you too.

These shifts have completely transformed how I approach not just special occasions, but my every day. And I promise, if you stop outsourcing your joy, get clear on the feelings you want, and choose to gift them to yourself, you too can create a life that feels meaningful and truly remarkable every single day.

I want to leave you with this truth I've come to embrace. No one will ever know how to celebrate you better than you can celebrate yourself. And that's not a negative, it's a gift. Because when you take ownership of your happiness, when you choose how you want to feel and gift yourself those feelings, you reclaim your power to create a life you love.

Imagine a life where you don't wait for others to validate you, appreciate you, or love you in the ways you hope for. Imagine a life where you're already overflowing with love, joy, and appreciation because you've learned to give it to yourself every single day, no matter what happens outside of you.

That's the kind of life I want for you, not just on your birthday or anniversaries, but in the small everyday moments that in the end add up to make life truly remarkable.

This week, I invite you to take a moment to reflect on how you really want to feel, not just on your next birthday or special occasion, but in your everyday life. And then take one small action to gift this feeling to you. Maybe it's writing yourself that love letter, buying the flowers you've been waiting for, or planning your perfect day, even if that's just taking time out for a quiet cup of coffee in your favorite coffee spot.

By the way, this year I chose to celebrate my birthday on a short cruise through Halong Bay in Vietnam, which will also bring our two-month slow travel experiment to a close. Yes, I chose it, and organized it, and I feel so celebrated and loved by me. Years ago, this is something I never would have done, my friend, but it is the greatest gift of all, to be able to gift yourself every experience and every feeling your heart desires.

Now, one last thing. If you need help in learning how to shift your stories to more positive stories that help you feel more empowering emotions, head over and take my free YES! Block Assessment on my website and grab my free Self-Creation Shift process. It's a powerful tool to help you uncover the stories and beliefs that are holding you back so you can shift into the feelings and experiences you want. You'll find the link in the show notes.

And if you're listening in from the U.S. Or anywhere in the world where you celebrate Thanksgiving this week, I want to wish you a truly joyful holiday. I'm so thankful to have you as part of my world and grateful for your desire to create a life that feels meaningful and remarkable to you.

I'll be back with another conversation to help you create a life you love next Wednesday. I look forward to sharing that with you.

Until then, be the woman who says YES!

Hey, want to know what's stopping you from saying YES! to you and a life you love?

Head over to https://selfcreationschool.com/yesblock and take my FREE 60 second quiz to find out what's standing in your way today and I'll send you my Self-Creation Shift process for shifting it.

That's https://selfcreationschool.com/yesblock. I’ll see you there.

Have you ever had a birthday or special occasion, like an anniversary perhaps, where you ended the day feeling more disappointed than delighted? Maybe it wasn't because the day was necessarily all that bad, but because it didn't feel special in the way you hoped it would. You thought it would feel different, more meaningful, more thoughtful, more fulfilling, but somehow it just didn't hit the mark.

I know this feeling all too well. I spent years hoping – actually no, not hoping but expecting – that others would make me feel celebrated, feel special on days that were extra special to me, only to end up feeling let down. And if I'm honest, often more than a little hurt. Because when someone didn't celebrate me or our relationship in the way I believed they should, I made it mean I wasn't loved, that I wasn't valued or appreciated. I attached all these heavy stories to their actions, or their lack of action, and let those stories dictate how I felt.

But what I've learned the hard way over the years is this. When you outsource the gift of your own happiness and joy to others, the gift of celebrating you for everything that you are, you're not only setting yourself up for disappointment, but you're giving away your power to create the life experience you want.

So today on my birthday, I want to share how I stopped outsourcing my joy, how I took charge of my special days and how you can too. Because when you stop waiting for someone else to create your happiness and start gifting it to you, you create a life where every day feels like it's worth celebrating.

Welcome to The Self-Creation School podcast, for women who are ready to ditch mediocrity, step up and get more of what they want, and finally say YES! to a life that sets their soul on fire. I'm your host Leanne Letica, Self-Creation Coach, founder of The Self-Creation School AND Queen of YES!. If you're ready to play life by your own personal rule book, and give yourself permission to say YES! to yourself and your wildest dreams, this podcast is the place for you.

Hello and welcome to a very special episode of the podcast today because, well, it's my birthday. And birthdays are special, am I right? Because they are a celebration of you and your presence in this world, and what could be more special than that?

The thing about birthdays though, and anniversaries, holidays, and many other types of special occasions, is they have a way of stirring up all kinds of emotions, don't they? And often not the ones we want to feel or think we should feel on these special days.

You see, a lot of us place so much weight on special occasions to validate our worthiness to be celebrated, to validate how special we are in our world to others. So we place a lot of importance on them looking and feeling a certain way. And when the occasion doesn't match the picture in our minds, or specifically, it doesn't make us feel the way we wanted or expected to feel, we can and often do end up feeling disappointed, unappreciated, and unloved.

But what if, instead of leaving your happiness in someone else's hands, you took charge of how you want to feel? What if you gifted you the feelings you want, when you want? And I'm not just talking about on birthdays or other special occasions. I'm talking about reclaiming your power to feel the way you want every day of your life.

Well, that's exactly what I want to share with you today. How to take control of not just the extra special days, but the everyday occasion of your life, stop outsourcing your feelings of love, joy, and worthiness, and start gifting you the experiences and emotions you truly desire.

So without further ado, let's dive in.

And to begin, I want to share a little about my journey with special occasions, in particular birthdays and anniversaries, because I think there is a little bit of me in all of us.

For many years, I thought occasions like birthdays and anniversaries should be something grand, something out of the ordinary and full of thoughtful gestures from loved ones, and this deep sense of being seen and valued, of being celebrated.

The problem with this, and I'm certainly not suggesting they shouldn't be celebrated in this way, but the problem with this list of shoulds is that it leaves a whole lot open to interpretation, and my happiness relied on other people somehow magically meeting these very vague expectations. It was almost 100 percent guaranteed that I'd feel let down, because the reality is, how could I even know if they fulfilled my brief or not.

I set myself up for disappointment time and again with these vague expectations, because I would think things like this. If my husband really loves me, he'll plan something romantic for our anniversary. He'll know exactly what I want and sweep me off my feet with some grand gesture that celebrates our love and makes me feel very special.

Of course, when that didn't happen – because let's face it, when ‘what’ happened – my heart would inevitably feel crushed, and I'd convince myself this was evidence for how I was unloved and unvalued in my marriage. Because if he cared, he'd know how I wanted to celebrate, right? If he really valued me and our love, he'd make the occasion feel special. Even though, once again, I wasn't even clear on what this feeling of special looked like.

And it wasn't just him. I outsourced this vague brief of mine to other people too. To my friends, to my family, to anyone I thought should know how to make me feel special on the days that were extra special to me. Without so much as one word to express how I'd love to be celebrated. Every year, I waited for someone else to make these days magically perfect. And every year, I usually ended up more disappointed than I was delighted.

How many times has this been you too? How many times have you taken the stance that those who know and love you should know exactly how to make you feel special on your special days? The reality is people don't read minds. They especially don't read minds that aren't clear. And even when they try, they may not express love and appreciation in the ideal way we'd like to receive it.

For example, I am a 'words' person. Words are my love language. If you want to make my day, simply send me a message that says, “sending you hugs”. My friend, I will receive those hugs and send them right back. But my husband isn't a person who easily expresses himself through the written word. And for many years, I'd be so disappointed because he didn't write me a heartfelt card on our anniversary or my birthday to express his love and appreciation for me.

And I'd make this mean he didn't love me or value me, which couldn't have been further from the truth. But year after year, when I longed for that card, and when that card didn't come, I simply used this as evidence that my husband didn't love me, because if he did, he'd surely do something as simple as writing in a card. Even if he didn't like putting words to paper, if he knew how much it meant to me, surely if he cared about me, he'd give me his words. Not only was I closing the door to his unique ways of showing me his love, but I made his love conditional on something that just isn't who he is.

For years, I outsourced my feelings of love and value in this way. I handed over responsibility for my happiness to others. And when they didn't deliver, I made it mean something about me and something about my relationships with the people in my world. But really it was never about them or me or our relationship.

It was about me not taking charge of my own life experience. It was about me not standing in my power to decide what I make things mean and to embrace my own inherent worthiness. It was about me not allowing other people to be other people, to be themselves and to show me love and appreciation in their own unique ways instead of the preconceived ways I thought they should. And it was about me not gifting to myself the feelings of worthiness, love, and appreciation that only I, in all truthfulness, can give to me.

And if you've ever felt let down by others on your own special occasions, or perhaps you feel let down regularly in your everyday life, this might be the case for you too.

Listen, the point I make is this. When we tie our feelings of love, appreciation, joy, or any other emotion we want to feel to how someone else performs, we lose control of our experience. Our experience is an inside job. It is our responsibility.

And I know you're probably thinking, as I was too, “Leanne, it's not so special if I have to plan my own birthdays, if I have to take care of all the details to get the experience I want.” I mean, writing a heartfelt card to yourself doesn't really cut it, right? Well actually it can, and I'll come to that in a moment, but taking charge of your experience doesn't necessarily mean doing everything yourself.

It means being clear about what you want your experience to be and asking for it. It also means getting clear on other people's ability to comply with that. Not everyone is going to be capable of meeting your needs, even when you ask very directly for what you want. And listen, that is okay. Remember, everyone gets to be who they are, not just you.

So, get clear on what it is you want. Ask for what you want. And if others are not capable of giving that to you, if it is truly important to you, then be prepared to give it to yourself. Honestly, when you meet your own needs first, it opens the door for others to celebrate you in the ways they are capable of. So, if you want a bouquet of flowers, buy yourself one. You can even have it delivered on your special day. If you want a special dinner, plan it. Then what others do is just icing on the cake.

Because here's what I want for you to understand. None of these things really matter. The flowers, the dinner, what people do or don't do, none of it matters. What really matters are the stories you choose to tell yourself about these things because this is what creates your feelings. The flowers, the dinner, whether they happen or they don't, these are just neutral things, neutral events. They mean nothing at all until you attach a meaning to them.

My friend, nothing outside of you and no one outside of you can actually make you feel anything. It's always the meaning you attach to the things outside of you, the story you tell about what other people do and don't do. That's what creates your feelings. And you, and only you, get to decide what you make everything mean.

Let me give you an example to demonstrate how this works and why it is just so important that you understand this concept.

Let's say you are explicit about how you want a birthday dinner planned, and your loved one follows your instructions to the T. Even so, deep down, you still believe your loved one should have instinctively known what you want without needing to be told. And so, despite your loved one doing exactly what you wanted, you make having to be clear and specific about what you want mean that you are not loved, appreciated and valued. The result is dinner will likely feel like a big disappointment.

But let's say instead of choosing that story, you made being able to be clear and specific in your relationship about your wants and needs, and your loved one's willingness to fulfill them, mean that you are abundantly loved, appreciated and valued. Dinner will likely feel like a special celebration indeed.

Do you see how this works? It's not the dinner itself that makes you feel loved or disappointed. It's not what your loved one does or doesn't do. It's the story you attach to the whole experience. And you, my friend, are in charge of the stories you choose to tell.

This is the first and the most important shift that I made - taking control of my story and responsibility for my emotions.

Listen, to create the life experience you want, you must stop outsourcing your feelings to people and things outside of you. You must recognize that no one else can make you feel loved, valued, or special unless you decide to feel that way. It's not about the dinner, the flowers or the card, it's about the meaning you give to those things.

So, next time you feel a negative emotion, whether it's a special occasion or just part of your everyday, pause for a moment and ask yourself this. What story am I telling myself about this situation? And what story could I tell instead that would support me in feeling a more positive emotion?

Here's an example. Instead of telling myself, “My husband didn't write a card because he doesn't care”, I shifted my story to, “My husband shows his love in different ways, like helping me with practical things that make my everyday life easier”. And that simple shift, transformed completely how I felt because I chose a story that felt loving instead of hurtful.

Remember, you are in control of the stories you choose to tell about all of these kinds of things. You get to decide what you make them mean. And by choosing empowering stories, you will reclaim your power to gift you the feelings you'd rather feel.

Now, a quick word of caution here. Be mindful of the other stories and feelings that might pop up when you start to shift your external expectations of others and bring all of this in-house.

Sometimes, stories can creep in about excusing other people's behaviors. Stories about you being the one to sacrifice or compromise your needs or make allowances for others that they may or may not reciprocate. And this can cause feelings of resentment. Like for instance, a story of having to plan your own birthday dinner because no one else will. And sometimes taking charge of what you want can also lead to stories of selfishness and feelings of guilt.

If this happens for you, that's okay. And listen, it's perfectly normal. Simply go about choosing a better story once again that shifts these kind of negative emotions to more positive ones. For example, instead of thinking, “I have to plan my own birthday dinner because no one else will”, you could choose to think, “I love getting to plan my perfect celebration with all the people I care about”. That is a much more empowering story and one that is going to feel a whole lot better.

So, take back your power and take responsibility for choosing what you make everything mean and in turn, for how you feel. And my friend, you can apply this concept to those special occasions, your everyday moments, and everything in between.

Now, once I stopped outsourcing my feelings, the next important shift I made was to get specific about the feelings I truly wanted to experience.

What is it you want to feel? Is it loved? Appreciated? Valued? Respected? Accepted? Validated? Supported? Connected? Perhaps you want to feel secure. Maybe it's proud or accomplished. Always start with the feelings, not the actions or the things. Ask yourself, what do I really want to feel in this moment or on this occasion? Then work backwards and choose the story that supports you in feeling this way.

Are you starting to see how this works? It's all about choosing better stories to feel better emotions.

Now, many of us sweep our feelings under the carpet and hope for the best, which aside from almost guaranteeing you'll feel disappointed time and again, it does sometimes make it hard to suddenly open up and tap into how you desire to feel.

If this is you, try thinking at first about how you don't want to feel. Because that's often so much easier for us to tap into. Think back to a special occasion in the past where you felt more disappointed than delighted. What emotions did you feel then? Was it sadness? A feeling of being unloved, unvalued, unaccepted? Often the emotions we don't want to feel point us directly towards the emotions we do.

Okay, so the next shift I made is where the magic begins to happen. Once you know how it is you want to feel, don't wait for someone else to create it for you. Instead, ask yourself, “how can I gift myself this feeling right now?”

For example, if you want to feel loved, write yourself a love letter filled with all the reasons you love who you are. Yes, I know, it might sound a little corny, and yes, it may feel awkward at first. But there is incredible power in seeing your own worth through your own eyes and putting pen to paper.

If you want to feel valued, take time to celebrate your own accomplishments. Reflect on what you've done recently that makes you feel proud. Take time out to value yourself by treating yourself to some self-care time, perhaps a Sunday afternoon with a new book, or simply an evening of rest.

If you want to feel special, buy yourself the bouquet of flowers you've been hoping someone else would send. Plan your ideal day, then live it out.

By meeting your own needs first, you shift from waiting to empowered. You stop hoping others will guess what you need and instead, you create the joy, love and appreciation you deserve, not one day, but today. You stop placing the life you want on hold and start living it as your reality.

The next shift for me was this. Recognizing how I already felt the way I wanted to feel throughout my day. Here's what I mean. Sometimes the feelings we want are already present. We just haven't noticed them, or we haven't been open to the opportunity to feel them.

So, my third tip for you is this. As you go through your day, start tuning in to your feelings and look for all the opportunities that do exist to feel the way you want.

For example, if you want to feel more love, start noticing the small gestures of love around you, like a friend texting you to check in, or the way someone smiles at you at the grocery store. If you're longing for appreciation, spend some time to reflect on compliments you've received recently, or the way someone thanked you for your help.

This will help you tap into the feeling of being appreciated, or any other emotion you want to reflect on. You don't have to wait for these moments to happen in order for the feeling to happen. You can reflect on them, you can relive them, you can recreate the feeling you want in any moment you choose.

The thing about this is, when you start looking for evidence of the feelings you desire, you'll realize they're often more available to you than you think. And as you focus on how you already feel the way you want to feel, you will attract more opportunities into your life to feel this way, because like energy attracts like energy.

The final important shift for me, and my final tip for you today, is this. Don't wait around for birthdays or anniversaries to feel the way you want. Instead, treat every day as an opportunity to celebrate you, to gift you with the experiences and feelings you desire and deserve to have in your one precious life.

Try starting your morning by writing down three things you love about yourself, or moments you're proud of from the day before. This small, seemingly insignificant practice shifts your mindset towards self-appreciation and really does set a positive tone for your day. Importantly, when you make this kind of self-celebration a habit, you build a foundation of love, appreciation and positivity that doesn't rely on anyone else. And the more you celebrate yourself, the more others will feel inspired to celebrate you too.

These shifts have completely transformed how I approach not just special occasions, but my every day. And I promise, if you stop outsourcing your joy, get clear on the feelings you want, and choose to gift them to yourself, you too can create a life that feels meaningful and truly remarkable every single day.

I want to leave you with this truth I've come to embrace. No one will ever know how to celebrate you better than you can celebrate yourself. And that's not a negative, it's a gift. Because when you take ownership of your happiness, when you choose how you want to feel and gift yourself those feelings, you reclaim your power to create a life you love.

Imagine a life where you don't wait for others to validate you, appreciate you, or love you in the ways you hope for. Imagine a life where you're already overflowing with love, joy, and appreciation because you've learned to give it to yourself every single day, no matter what happens outside of you.

That's the kind of life I want for you, not just on your birthday or anniversaries, but in the small everyday moments that in the end add up to make life truly remarkable.

This week, I invite you to take a moment to reflect on how you really want to feel, not just on your next birthday or special occasion, but in your everyday life. And then take one small action to gift this feeling to you. Maybe it's writing yourself that love letter, buying the flowers you've been waiting for, or planning your perfect day, even if that's just taking time out for a quiet cup of coffee in your favorite coffee spot.

By the way, this year I chose to celebrate my birthday on a short cruise through Halong Bay in Vietnam, which will also bring our two-month slow travel experiment to a close. Yes, I chose it, and organized it, and I feel so celebrated and loved by me. Years ago, this is something I never would have done, my friend, but it is the greatest gift of all, to be able to gift yourself every experience and every feeling your heart desires.

Now, one last thing. If you need help in learning how to shift your stories to more positive stories that help you feel more empowering emotions, head over and take my free YES! Block Assessment on my website and grab my free Self-Creation Shift process. It's a powerful tool to help you uncover the stories and beliefs that are holding you back so you can shift into the feelings and experiences you want. You'll find the link in the show notes.

And if you're listening in from the U.S. Or anywhere in the world where you celebrate Thanksgiving this week, I want to wish you a truly joyful holiday. I'm so thankful to have you as part of my world and grateful for your desire to create a life that feels meaningful and remarkable to you.

I'll be back with another conversation to help you create a life you love next Wednesday. I look forward to sharing that with you.

Until then, be the woman who says YES!

Hey, want to know what's stopping you from saying YES! to you and a life you love?

Head over to https://selfcreationschool.com/yesblock and take my FREE 60 second quiz to find out what's standing in your way today and I'll send you my Self-Creation Shift process for shifting it.

That's https://selfcreationschool.com/yesblock. I’ll see you there.