Last night at dinner, we ordered one of our favorite dishes here in Thailand. It's a green leafy vegetable called Morning Glory, and sometimes it can be a little spicy, which I also love. But this time, as I took my first bite, I found myself very breathlessly uttering the words, "Oh boy, that's just way too much." Honestly, the level of spiciness had me thinking my world was never going to be the same again.

Turns out, what I thought was a stem of Morning Glory, happened to be half of a green chili. Now, this chili might have been the perfect level of heat for some people, maybe not even enough for others, but let me tell you, it was definitely way too much for this jalapeño loving me.

And this not so humble chili made me think about the concept of being too much and how one of the biggest reasons I'm living the life I've long dreamed of today is because of my too muchness. My willingness to be too much for some people and go ahead and live the life I want anyway.

But that hasn't always been the case for me. I have spent much of my life shrinking myself and my dreams in an attempt to be loved, valued and accepted by those I care about the most, only to discover that my efforts would never be rewarded as I hoped.

And I see so many women shrinking themselves to fit family molds, societal molds, work molds, relationship molds, friendship molds, beauty molds, age molds, dress molds, to blend in, to not be too much, in order to be loved, valued and accepted. All at a very big cost to their own uniqueness, happiness, well-being, and life fulfillment.

For me, I eventually realized that the only person who would look back on my life and feel disappointed with who I became, feel upset with the choices I made, judge the things I did and didn't do, was going to be me. No one person I was trying to keep happy by toning things down and playing life much smaller than I am truly capable of, was going to feel the depths of my regret for not playing out life to the fullest. For not becoming everything I can be and finding out just what is possible in my lifetime.

And I decided to start dictating my life on my terms and go after my wildest dreams. I decided to step out from the shadows and go where my too muchness is a thing to be celebrated, not merely tolerated.

So today as I recover from my chili eating adventure and continue my two-month Thailand work-play holiday, which is only possible because my willingness to be too much and live my life my way anyway, I wanted to offer you some tips on how you can start embracing your too muchness and find the courage to be boldly, uniquely, you.

Willing to be too much really is a superpower, my friend. So join me and let's talk about how to tap into it and create the life of your dreams.

Welcome to The Self-Creation School podcast, for women who are ready to ditch mediocrity, step up and get more of what they want, and finally say YES! to a life that sets their soul on fire. I'm your host Leanne Letica, Self-Creation Coach, founder of The Self-Creation School AND Queen of YES!. If you're ready to play life by your own personal rule book, and give yourself permission to say YES! to yourself and your wildest dreams, this podcast is the place for you.

A very warm and humid hello to you from Koh Samui in Thailand and thanks so much for joining me today for a conversation I've actually been wanting to have for some time now. The thing is, sharing what I feel called to share with you today feels even harder than the aftermath of eating that chili.

You see, my decision to embrace my too muchness came at a pretty big cost for me because it meant walking away from the majority of my family a number of years ago when it was openly demanded that I shrink myself into oblivion in order to make them feel comfortable in their own skin.

The reality for me was that I had been shrinking myself for over 20 years in an attempt to be loved, valued, and accepted by the people who, deep down, I thought should unconditionally embrace me for who I am. Who I thought were the ones that would help me celebrate my wins and support me through my losses.

I had been a shadow of myself in their company for as long as I had been cast aside to the shadows, way back when I decided to exchange my cleaning rags for something better. The idea that I needed to shrink myself even more made me realize that the only way I could essentially do that was to not show up at all.

And at the time this ultimatum was delivered to me, I was quite frankly done. I was going through a particularly bad time in my life at that point. My marriage was near divorce. I had a major business deal going south. My daughter who was on the spectrum was going through significant challenges. I was faced with some serious health issues myself and there was a whole lot more going down.

And I had finally reached a point where I really didn't have it in me to worry about keeping other people happy any longer. Honestly, I was exhausted trying to win people over who at best tolerated a fraction of the real me. I decided it was time for me to matter, every bit of the real me. I decided it was time for my happiness to matter.

Because with everything falling apart in my world, this one thing had become crystal clear. The way I had been showing up in my life was costing me a price I wasn't willing to keep paying. It was time for me to be the star of my own show and make me and my happiness my priority.

So, when that ultimatum came from my family, it came at a time when I was already having the hard conversations with myself about the kind of life I wanted, the kind of relationships I wanted, the kind of happiness I wanted. And who exactly I wanted to allow myself to be, because this reduced version of me, she was not coming on this next leg of my journey. And the real me, whoever she was, because I had lost sight of her, it was time for her to shine.

All these years later, I have to say, as hard as it was for me to walk away from those I love, and it was one of the hardest things I've ever done, I've never felt freer. I've never felt more at peace and more accepted in my life than I do in embracing being too much for some people and living my life on my terms anyway. And the best part is, in no longer holding myself accountable or responsible for other people being comfortable in their own skin, I've never been more comfortable in my own.

I did pay a big price walking away, but the price I had already paid in trying unsuccessfully to be not too much was significantly higher. And the price I would have to pay by sticking around and shrinking myself even more wasn't a price, quite honestly, that I could afford to pay physically, mentally, or emotionally.

Turns out, the ultimatum my family gave me was one of the greatest gifts anyone has ever given me in my lifetime. Walking away freed me to finally find me and to explore just what can be possible in my lifetime because I'm no longer a woman who shrinks herself or her dreams. I'm no longer a woman who is constantly second-guessing her every move in an attempt to fit in where I simply did not fit.

And I've found a whole new family of people who celebrate the very things about me that my family found too much. But it did take making space in my life to find me and find those people. And it did take letting go of my idea about what family should be, my idea that blood is a bond that shouldn't be broken, no matter what, and my guilt for doing so. And it did take allowing myself to grieve while shining in my own light at the same time.

Now, I wanted to dig deep and share this part of my story with you because as hard as it is to actually share it, I know I'm not alone in the act of shrinking myself to keep other people happy. And I know many women struggle with having the courage to step outside the norms and play life by their own personal rulebook, particularly when it comes to their family.

I've certainly experienced a whole lot of judgment from people when they learn that I walked away from my family. Those who have experienced something similar in their life with their family, they get it, they understand. And then there are those who are persisting with sweeping it all under the carpet, who finally breathe a sigh of relief when they hear my story and understand that they're not alone, it's not just them and it is okay to challenge their norms. It is okay to put themselves first and for their happiness to matter.

But whether you struggle with not being too much for your family or not being too much in other parts of your life, it does take courage to take a stand, to draw a line in the sand and start doing things true to you. My hope in having this conversation with you today is that I can help you find that courage to embrace being too much for some people, family or otherwise, and live your life your way anyway, without needing to hit rock bottom like me.

The reality is this. You will not be everyone's cup of tea. Some people are going to find you too much. They are going to judge you for having too much, doing too much, wanting too much, being too much. Some people are going to think you aren't enough. They're going to think you should strive more, do more, have more, be more. And some people are going to sing your praises either way. They are going to be the people who come along for the ride no matter who you be and what you have, do, or want.

Some people will not even boil the kettle for you, and some will have champagne on ice. And logically, it makes no sense for any of us to subject ourselves to being anything but celebrated for who we really are. I mean, we do only have this one life, am I right? And who's got time, really, to live the shadow of the life we could live being everything we can be. Yet all too often we shrink who we be or hide parts of ourselves in order to be loved, valued or better accepted.

Now before we move on, I want to clear a couple of things up.

Essentially what embracing your too muchness means is willing to be the authentic you. That authentic you will however look different in a professional setting than it will in a casual get together with friends. It is going to be appropriate to reveal different levels of the authentic you in each setting.

So, I want you to keep in mind that being too much is really just about being authentic to you in every situation as each situation calls for, knowing that not everyone will love, value, or accept you, and that's perfectly okay. That's perfectly okay because in the act of allowing yourself to be authentic, you give that love value and acceptance to yourself.

Also, when I talk about being too much, I'm not talking about being loud and bold and over the top dramatic. Although if that's you, great. You do you. But being too much can also look like being too shy, too quiet, too independent, too fit and healthy, too good at what you do, too loving, too polite, too happy, the list goes on.

What I know is there is too muchness in all of us and our too muchness is not necessarily a bad thing if it is true to who you authentically want to be and you're not being this way to seek external approval and acceptance. So you're not being too polite, too quiet, or too loud and proud because you think it will help you fit in. You're being that way because it feels true to you.

And on that note, I want to talk a little bit more about why it is we fear being too much. You see, we are conditioned by society to conform from a really young age, and one of the common messages we receive is that being too much is undesirable, especially for women. Whether it's through what we see in the media, within our family, or the message we get from our peers, there's a subtle overarching theme that tells us to be accommodating, to shrink ourselves, to fit in.

We learn that being too loud, too ambitious, or too expressive can draw judgment rather than admiration. As a result, we develop a fear of standing out. And this fear is often linked with a deep desire to be liked and accepted.

Listen, it is natural as humans to want to be liked and accepted, so we do tend to worry about what others think, especially as children, because it's hard feeling like you're on the outside of things, right?

So, right back as far as our childhood, we learn self-censorship, which causes us to dim our light and play small. We learn to blend in and not do anything that would cause a scene. We learn to bite our tongue, downplay our achievements, dress the same as others, do, have and experience the same as others, just to avoid standing out and making others uncomfortable because then they may not like us.

But here's the thing, constantly shrinking yourself erodes your self-esteem, and over time suppressing who you truly are can and will lead to feelings of inadequacy and resentment. My friend, the toll of not expressing your authentic self is heavy. And I've seen, not only for myself, but for many other women too, how it can cause a whole lot of anxiety, frustration, exhaustion, resentment, sadness, and so many more really draining and negative emotions to build up until we reach breaking point.

Here's the other thing. Even when we do shrink ourselves this doesn't remove the judgment. Because here's what I know, the people who judge you will judge you whether you are shrinking in the shadows or shining as a star. People judge, they do. I'm guilty of it, and you are too, let's be honest. Some of us do it a little more than others. Some of us would be better served by putting ourselves at the top of the list to assess, but the fact is we all judge at some point on some things.

You are going to be judged living your best life or settling for a life that's less than it could be. So if you know you are going to be judged no matter who you be and what you do, and that there is a very high price to pay over your lifetime for not being true to you and living out your life on your terms, the question is not whether you should embrace your too muchness. It's how much more of your one precious life are you prepared to waste before you start?

The interesting thing I've discovered since embracing my own too muchness, is how many people I've inspired to do the same. Because when you allow yourself to shine, you give those around you permission to do the same. You inspire others to challenge their norms and follow their own path to happiness, including sometimes the very same people who demand that you shrink who you be.

So next time you feel the urge to shrink or hold back, I want you to ask yourself this. What if my too muchness is exactly what the world needs? What if I can be a beacon of inspiration for those around me?

 Being willing to be too much really is your superpower and so, let me offer you some tips on how to start embracing your too muchness. And tip number one is to take responsibility.

You and only you are in charge of your life experience. It is your job to ensure your own happiness and fulfillment. So stop outsourcing this to other people to dictate. You do get to decide who you be and how you live your life. You also get to decide that your too muchness is something to be celebrated.

Which brings me to tip number two. You must give yourself permission to be authentically you and own your authenticity.

This means understanding that you don't need anyone's approval to be who you authentically are and live the life that feels authentic to you. Remember you will not be a champagne on ice kind of woman for everyone. Know that the very act of being too much for some people is a sign of your authenticity and relish in that because if there's one thing I've discovered, a life well lived is a life lived authentically.

Listen, you can't control whether others will approve, that's the reality. But you can control whether you approve, so be the you who you and you alone approves of. Live a life filled with the things that you want to do, have and experience, that you and you alone approve of. Let go of all external norms, expectations and judgments and set your own norms, your own expectations and be the only judge of how you do you.

Following on from that is my third tip, which is to challenge your fear of judgment.

Like I've already said, judgment from others is inevitable. It's pretty much guaranteed people will have opinions about you and everything you do. But their opinions do not define your worth. Only you define your worth. And they do not make you a bad person for wanting to be true to you and do the things that make you fulfilled and happy.

Like I said earlier, those who judge you also do not have to live with the consequences of their judgments. They do not have to experience your life half lived. They do not have to experience you being a fraction of who you really are. They do not have to face you in the mirror every single day.

So if you struggle with the fear of judgment, of what people will think and say, remind yourself that you are the only one who needs to be okay with you and what you do. You are the only one who will live with you and what you do. If you continue to conform to how others dictate you should live your life, what is this going to cost you? And are you really prepared to pay that price?

The other important thing I found helpful here is to shift your focus to the possibility there are people who appreciate you for being you. When someone judges your too muchness or asks you to tone it down, ask yourself this. What if my too muchness is a gift? What if my too muchness is what others need to see? What if my too muchness gives other people permission to embrace their own?

And actively seek out the people who do celebrate you for you. Spend more time with them and less time with the people who judge you. Sometimes, like for me, that means walking away altogether from the people you love most. Yes, it's hard. And you need to consider how hard it will be over your lifetime to pay the price of shrinking who you be and settling for a life that's less than you really are capable of experiencing.

On that note, my fourth tip is to surround yourself with support. People who uplift and celebrate individuality.

Now, it could be your family for you, or it could be friends, mentors, or even online communities. Wherever you can find people who remind you that your too muchness is wonderfully you. Who encourage you to be your authentic self.

Their support will be crucial because the unfortunate reality is the people who judge your too muchness right now, they are definitely going to have something to say about you having the audacity to do you. They are not going to be happy. So create a support network to help you navigate through the messiness that most likely will unfold so that you can stay on track to being you.

Tip number five is to start small. Embracing your too muchness doesn't have to be an all or nothing approach. So begin with small acts of authenticity in low stakes situations.

This could be things like expressing an opinion you've previously kept to yourself to a trusted friend or wearing something that truly reflects who you are. Even just one accessory that you haven't dared to wear is enough to start to build your confidence.

You don't have to suddenly step into the limelight and change everything about who you are or how you show up. In fact, I recommend you don't. Taking it slowly at first in safe situations where you can practice being you on your terms is a powerful way to get to know the authentic you. To start to trust her, start to feel comfortable in her shoes, and build up the courage to tackle those bigger situations like implementing new boundaries with people to protect your well-being and your rights to happiness. Or potentially removing yourself from your family or others who dim your light altogether.

Which brings me to tip number six. Practice self-compassion.

Listen, when you stop trying not to rock the boat, you will rock the boat. There will be challenges, and you likely will face even more criticism and judgment from other people. It's not easy, and sometimes you'll lack the courage in the moment to take a stand for you, especially at the start. You second guess if you should be you, if you are prepared to pay the price of being you, and you'll feel like you've let yourself down.

That's perfectly normal and perfectly okay. You've got to be extra gentle with yourself as you navigate this new way of being. To treat yourself with extra kindness, love, and understanding. When you don't get it right, when you succumb to your old ways of being, of shrinking your too muchness to keep others happy, remind yourself that change takes time. And it's okay to stumble along the way.

But you can do this. You can step out of the shadows and claim the leading lady role in your own life story. You can stand tall and proud in the limelight and live out the script of your biggest, boldest dreams. I'm proof it can be done. You can be too much, and it can all turn out okay on the other side. In fact, it can and often does turn out way more than just okay.

My friend, embracing your too muchness is one of the biggest acts of self-love you can gift to yourself in your lifetime. But being willing to be you in all of your unique ways and being completely okay with not being everyone's cup of tea is a process that does take time. So show yourself compassion and allow yourself as long as you need.

My final tip is to allow yourself to grieve.

Sometimes, we get this idea that leaving behind the things that don't serve us, don't make us happy or fulfilled, to embrace the life we dream of, that we should only feel positive emotions like excitement and happiness. But the reality is, it’s normal to feel a whole bag of emotions including negative emotions like sadness and grief.

Because here's the thing. To become someone different, even if that's simply you getting back to you, you must leave who you are being right now behind. You must let go of this version of you. In the same way, to experience a different life, you must let go of the life you have in this moment. As we've discussed, that includes potentially some of the people who are in your life in this moment.

One of my mentors put it to me like this. Your new self will cost you your old self and your new life will cost you your old life.

Now maybe and likely you are not going to leave all of you and your life behind. There are going to be some parts that you bring forward into this next chapter. But you will need to leave some parts behind if you want to experience something different. Otherwise, you will just rewrite the same old chapter once more.

So recognize that you are letting go and that it's okay to feel sad about that, to grieve that. I know it sounds strange, but you can still be happy and excited for your new life, at the same time as being sad to leave your old one behind. It's kind of like being sad to leave one location behind on your travels and being excited to explore the next. Happiness and sadness can co-exist.

Allow yourself to feel sad and to grieve for what you're leaving behind and don't allow yourself to get stuck there. Remember why it is you're leaving this life and way of being behind. Keep your authentic self and your new life front and center.

Some people find it helpful to have some kind of ceremony to mark letting go. You might, for instance, write a letter of gratitude to your old self for bringing you to this next chapter. You might recognize the people who you are choosing to walk away from, but who have delivered valuable lessons that have helped you grow and be ready for this next chapter. And then, light a candle, read it out loud, and burn the ladder to say goodbye. It might sound a little cliché, but it definitely works for some.

Grief is a very personal thing, so find what works for you, but the point I want you to understand here is that you may feel sad. You may feel like you are grieving and that is perfectly okay. Instead of pushing these feelings aside, thinking there's something wrong with you or that it's a sign you should retreat back to the shadows, recognize it for what it is. You leaving behind a part of you and a life as you know it for a more authentic life experience.

Allow yourself to feel sad, allow yourself to grieve and don't allow yourself to get stuck in that sadness and grief.

My friend, being willing to be too much for some and live my most authentic fully expressed life possible regardless has become my superpower and it can be yours too. It is the ultimate form of self-love, of self-acceptance and approval. It is the ultimate path to self-expression, and it is the ultimate key to living a happy and joyful life where the only limits on what is too much are your own.

I want for you and me to look back on our lives and be amazed at just what was possible because we allowed ourselves to shine bright and play out life to the fullest. I want for you and me to say YES! to our too muchness, knowing that in doing so, we invite others to do the same. And that, my friend, is a beautiful gift that we can each gift the world.

With that, I'm bringing this episode to a close. But before I do, if you'd like personalized support in embracing your too muchness, please do reach out and let's chat about how we can work together to make that happen.

I'll be coming to you next week, once again from Thailand, where I continue to live in the question of how slow travel can help me make work and play a match made in heaven. It's a trip that is on the too much list for some people, trust me I've been told, and I'm going to celebrate every minute of it anyway.

I do hope you will join me for that conversation, same time, same place, next Wednesday.

Until then, be the woman who says YES!

Hey, want to know what's stopping you from saying YES! to you and a life you love?

Head over to https://selfcreationschool.com/yesblock and take my FREE 60 second quiz to find out what's standing in your way today and I'll send you my Self-Creation Shift process for shifting it.

That's https://selfcreationschool.com/yesblock. I’ll see you there.

Last night at dinner, we ordered one of our favorite dishes here in Thailand. It's a green leafy vegetable called Morning Glory, and sometimes it can be a little spicy, which I also love. But this time, as I took my first bite, I found myself very breathlessly uttering the words, "Oh boy, that's just way too much." Honestly, the level of spiciness had me thinking my world was never going to be the same again.

Turns out, what I thought was a stem of Morning Glory, happened to be half of a green chili. Now, this chili might have been the perfect level of heat for some people, maybe not even enough for others, but let me tell you, it was definitely way too much for this jalapeño loving me.

And this not so humble chili made me think about the concept of being too much and how one of the biggest reasons I'm living the life I've long dreamed of today is because of my too muchness. My willingness to be too much for some people and go ahead and live the life I want anyway.

But that hasn't always been the case for me. I have spent much of my life shrinking myself and my dreams in an attempt to be loved, valued and accepted by those I care about the most, only to discover that my efforts would never be rewarded as I hoped.

And I see so many women shrinking themselves to fit family molds, societal molds, work molds, relationship molds, friendship molds, beauty molds, age molds, dress molds, to blend in, to not be too much, in order to be loved, valued and accepted. All at a very big cost to their own uniqueness, happiness, well-being, and life fulfillment.

For me, I eventually realized that the only person who would look back on my life and feel disappointed with who I became, feel upset with the choices I made, judge the things I did and didn't do, was going to be me. No one person I was trying to keep happy by toning things down and playing life much smaller than I am truly capable of, was going to feel the depths of my regret for not playing out life to the fullest. For not becoming everything I can be and finding out just what is possible in my lifetime.

And I decided to start dictating my life on my terms and go after my wildest dreams. I decided to step out from the shadows and go where my too muchness is a thing to be celebrated, not merely tolerated.

So today as I recover from my chili eating adventure and continue my two-month Thailand work-play holiday, which is only possible because my willingness to be too much and live my life my way anyway, I wanted to offer you some tips on how you can start embracing your too muchness and find the courage to be boldly, uniquely, you.

Willing to be too much really is a superpower, my friend. So join me and let's talk about how to tap into it and create the life of your dreams.

Welcome to The Self-Creation School podcast, for women who are ready to ditch mediocrity, step up and get more of what they want, and finally say YES! to a life that sets their soul on fire. I'm your host Leanne Letica, Self-Creation Coach, founder of The Self-Creation School AND Queen of YES!. If you're ready to play life by your own personal rule book, and give yourself permission to say YES! to yourself and your wildest dreams, this podcast is the place for you.

A very warm and humid hello to you from Koh Samui in Thailand and thanks so much for joining me today for a conversation I've actually been wanting to have for some time now. The thing is, sharing what I feel called to share with you today feels even harder than the aftermath of eating that chili.

You see, my decision to embrace my too muchness came at a pretty big cost for me because it meant walking away from the majority of my family a number of years ago when it was openly demanded that I shrink myself into oblivion in order to make them feel comfortable in their own skin.

The reality for me was that I had been shrinking myself for over 20 years in an attempt to be loved, valued, and accepted by the people who, deep down, I thought should unconditionally embrace me for who I am. Who I thought were the ones that would help me celebrate my wins and support me through my losses.

I had been a shadow of myself in their company for as long as I had been cast aside to the shadows, way back when I decided to exchange my cleaning rags for something better. The idea that I needed to shrink myself even more made me realize that the only way I could essentially do that was to not show up at all.

And at the time this ultimatum was delivered to me, I was quite frankly done. I was going through a particularly bad time in my life at that point. My marriage was near divorce. I had a major business deal going south. My daughter who was on the spectrum was going through significant challenges. I was faced with some serious health issues myself and there was a whole lot more going down.

And I had finally reached a point where I really didn't have it in me to worry about keeping other people happy any longer. Honestly, I was exhausted trying to win people over who at best tolerated a fraction of the real me. I decided it was time for me to matter, every bit of the real me. I decided it was time for my happiness to matter.

Because with everything falling apart in my world, this one thing had become crystal clear. The way I had been showing up in my life was costing me a price I wasn't willing to keep paying. It was time for me to be the star of my own show and make me and my happiness my priority.

So, when that ultimatum came from my family, it came at a time when I was already having the hard conversations with myself about the kind of life I wanted, the kind of relationships I wanted, the kind of happiness I wanted. And who exactly I wanted to allow myself to be, because this reduced version of me, she was not coming on this next leg of my journey. And the real me, whoever she was, because I had lost sight of her, it was time for her to shine.

All these years later, I have to say, as hard as it was for me to walk away from those I love, and it was one of the hardest things I've ever done, I've never felt freer. I've never felt more at peace and more accepted in my life than I do in embracing being too much for some people and living my life on my terms anyway. And the best part is, in no longer holding myself accountable or responsible for other people being comfortable in their own skin, I've never been more comfortable in my own.

I did pay a big price walking away, but the price I had already paid in trying unsuccessfully to be not too much was significantly higher. And the price I would have to pay by sticking around and shrinking myself even more wasn't a price, quite honestly, that I could afford to pay physically, mentally, or emotionally.

Turns out, the ultimatum my family gave me was one of the greatest gifts anyone has ever given me in my lifetime. Walking away freed me to finally find me and to explore just what can be possible in my lifetime because I'm no longer a woman who shrinks herself or her dreams. I'm no longer a woman who is constantly second-guessing her every move in an attempt to fit in where I simply did not fit.

And I've found a whole new family of people who celebrate the very things about me that my family found too much. But it did take making space in my life to find me and find those people. And it did take letting go of my idea about what family should be, my idea that blood is a bond that shouldn't be broken, no matter what, and my guilt for doing so. And it did take allowing myself to grieve while shining in my own light at the same time.

Now, I wanted to dig deep and share this part of my story with you because as hard as it is to actually share it, I know I'm not alone in the act of shrinking myself to keep other people happy. And I know many women struggle with having the courage to step outside the norms and play life by their own personal rulebook, particularly when it comes to their family.

I've certainly experienced a whole lot of judgment from people when they learn that I walked away from my family. Those who have experienced something similar in their life with their family, they get it, they understand. And then there are those who are persisting with sweeping it all under the carpet, who finally breathe a sigh of relief when they hear my story and understand that they're not alone, it's not just them and it is okay to challenge their norms. It is okay to put themselves first and for their happiness to matter.

But whether you struggle with not being too much for your family or not being too much in other parts of your life, it does take courage to take a stand, to draw a line in the sand and start doing things true to you. My hope in having this conversation with you today is that I can help you find that courage to embrace being too much for some people, family or otherwise, and live your life your way anyway, without needing to hit rock bottom like me.

The reality is this. You will not be everyone's cup of tea. Some people are going to find you too much. They are going to judge you for having too much, doing too much, wanting too much, being too much. Some people are going to think you aren't enough. They're going to think you should strive more, do more, have more, be more. And some people are going to sing your praises either way. They are going to be the people who come along for the ride no matter who you be and what you have, do, or want.

Some people will not even boil the kettle for you, and some will have champagne on ice. And logically, it makes no sense for any of us to subject ourselves to being anything but celebrated for who we really are. I mean, we do only have this one life, am I right? And who's got time, really, to live the shadow of the life we could live being everything we can be. Yet all too often we shrink who we be or hide parts of ourselves in order to be loved, valued or better accepted.

Now before we move on, I want to clear a couple of things up.

Essentially what embracing your too muchness means is willing to be the authentic you. That authentic you will however look different in a professional setting than it will in a casual get together with friends. It is going to be appropriate to reveal different levels of the authentic you in each setting.

So, I want you to keep in mind that being too much is really just about being authentic to you in every situation as each situation calls for, knowing that not everyone will love, value, or accept you, and that's perfectly okay. That's perfectly okay because in the act of allowing yourself to be authentic, you give that love value and acceptance to yourself.

Also, when I talk about being too much, I'm not talking about being loud and bold and over the top dramatic. Although if that's you, great. You do you. But being too much can also look like being too shy, too quiet, too independent, too fit and healthy, too good at what you do, too loving, too polite, too happy, the list goes on.

What I know is there is too muchness in all of us and our too muchness is not necessarily a bad thing if it is true to who you authentically want to be and you're not being this way to seek external approval and acceptance. So you're not being too polite, too quiet, or too loud and proud because you think it will help you fit in. You're being that way because it feels true to you.

And on that note, I want to talk a little bit more about why it is we fear being too much. You see, we are conditioned by society to conform from a really young age, and one of the common messages we receive is that being too much is undesirable, especially for women. Whether it's through what we see in the media, within our family, or the message we get from our peers, there's a subtle overarching theme that tells us to be accommodating, to shrink ourselves, to fit in.

We learn that being too loud, too ambitious, or too expressive can draw judgment rather than admiration. As a result, we develop a fear of standing out. And this fear is often linked with a deep desire to be liked and accepted.

Listen, it is natural as humans to want to be liked and accepted, so we do tend to worry about what others think, especially as children, because it's hard feeling like you're on the outside of things, right?

So, right back as far as our childhood, we learn self-censorship, which causes us to dim our light and play small. We learn to blend in and not do anything that would cause a scene. We learn to bite our tongue, downplay our achievements, dress the same as others, do, have and experience the same as others, just to avoid standing out and making others uncomfortable because then they may not like us.

But here's the thing, constantly shrinking yourself erodes your self-esteem, and over time suppressing who you truly are can and will lead to feelings of inadequacy and resentment. My friend, the toll of not expressing your authentic self is heavy. And I've seen, not only for myself, but for many other women too, how it can cause a whole lot of anxiety, frustration, exhaustion, resentment, sadness, and so many more really draining and negative emotions to build up until we reach breaking point.

Here's the other thing. Even when we do shrink ourselves this doesn't remove the judgment. Because here's what I know, the people who judge you will judge you whether you are shrinking in the shadows or shining as a star. People judge, they do. I'm guilty of it, and you are too, let's be honest. Some of us do it a little more than others. Some of us would be better served by putting ourselves at the top of the list to assess, but the fact is we all judge at some point on some things.

You are going to be judged living your best life or settling for a life that's less than it could be. So if you know you are going to be judged no matter who you be and what you do, and that there is a very high price to pay over your lifetime for not being true to you and living out your life on your terms, the question is not whether you should embrace your too muchness. It's how much more of your one precious life are you prepared to waste before you start?

The interesting thing I've discovered since embracing my own too muchness, is how many people I've inspired to do the same. Because when you allow yourself to shine, you give those around you permission to do the same. You inspire others to challenge their norms and follow their own path to happiness, including sometimes the very same people who demand that you shrink who you be.

So next time you feel the urge to shrink or hold back, I want you to ask yourself this. What if my too muchness is exactly what the world needs? What if I can be a beacon of inspiration for those around me?

 Being willing to be too much really is your superpower and so, let me offer you some tips on how to start embracing your too muchness. And tip number one is to take responsibility.

You and only you are in charge of your life experience. It is your job to ensure your own happiness and fulfillment. So stop outsourcing this to other people to dictate. You do get to decide who you be and how you live your life. You also get to decide that your too muchness is something to be celebrated.

Which brings me to tip number two. You must give yourself permission to be authentically you and own your authenticity.

This means understanding that you don't need anyone's approval to be who you authentically are and live the life that feels authentic to you. Remember you will not be a champagne on ice kind of woman for everyone. Know that the very act of being too much for some people is a sign of your authenticity and relish in that because if there's one thing I've discovered, a life well lived is a life lived authentically.

Listen, you can't control whether others will approve, that's the reality. But you can control whether you approve, so be the you who you and you alone approves of. Live a life filled with the things that you want to do, have and experience, that you and you alone approve of. Let go of all external norms, expectations and judgments and set your own norms, your own expectations and be the only judge of how you do you.

Following on from that is my third tip, which is to challenge your fear of judgment.

Like I've already said, judgment from others is inevitable. It's pretty much guaranteed people will have opinions about you and everything you do. But their opinions do not define your worth. Only you define your worth. And they do not make you a bad person for wanting to be true to you and do the things that make you fulfilled and happy.

Like I said earlier, those who judge you also do not have to live with the consequences of their judgments. They do not have to experience your life half lived. They do not have to experience you being a fraction of who you really are. They do not have to face you in the mirror every single day.

So if you struggle with the fear of judgment, of what people will think and say, remind yourself that you are the only one who needs to be okay with you and what you do. You are the only one who will live with you and what you do. If you continue to conform to how others dictate you should live your life, what is this going to cost you? And are you really prepared to pay that price?

The other important thing I found helpful here is to shift your focus to the possibility there are people who appreciate you for being you. When someone judges your too muchness or asks you to tone it down, ask yourself this. What if my too muchness is a gift? What if my too muchness is what others need to see? What if my too muchness gives other people permission to embrace their own?

And actively seek out the people who do celebrate you for you. Spend more time with them and less time with the people who judge you. Sometimes, like for me, that means walking away altogether from the people you love most. Yes, it's hard. And you need to consider how hard it will be over your lifetime to pay the price of shrinking who you be and settling for a life that's less than you really are capable of experiencing.

On that note, my fourth tip is to surround yourself with support. People who uplift and celebrate individuality.

Now, it could be your family for you, or it could be friends, mentors, or even online communities. Wherever you can find people who remind you that your too muchness is wonderfully you. Who encourage you to be your authentic self.

Their support will be crucial because the unfortunate reality is the people who judge your too muchness right now, they are definitely going to have something to say about you having the audacity to do you. They are not going to be happy. So create a support network to help you navigate through the messiness that most likely will unfold so that you can stay on track to being you.

Tip number five is to start small. Embracing your too muchness doesn't have to be an all or nothing approach. So begin with small acts of authenticity in low stakes situations.

This could be things like expressing an opinion you've previously kept to yourself to a trusted friend or wearing something that truly reflects who you are. Even just one accessory that you haven't dared to wear is enough to start to build your confidence.

You don't have to suddenly step into the limelight and change everything about who you are or how you show up. In fact, I recommend you don't. Taking it slowly at first in safe situations where you can practice being you on your terms is a powerful way to get to know the authentic you. To start to trust her, start to feel comfortable in her shoes, and build up the courage to tackle those bigger situations like implementing new boundaries with people to protect your well-being and your rights to happiness. Or potentially removing yourself from your family or others who dim your light altogether.

Which brings me to tip number six. Practice self-compassion.

Listen, when you stop trying not to rock the boat, you will rock the boat. There will be challenges, and you likely will face even more criticism and judgment from other people. It's not easy, and sometimes you'll lack the courage in the moment to take a stand for you, especially at the start. You second guess if you should be you, if you are prepared to pay the price of being you, and you'll feel like you've let yourself down.

That's perfectly normal and perfectly okay. You've got to be extra gentle with yourself as you navigate this new way of being. To treat yourself with extra kindness, love, and understanding. When you don't get it right, when you succumb to your old ways of being, of shrinking your too muchness to keep others happy, remind yourself that change takes time. And it's okay to stumble along the way.

But you can do this. You can step out of the shadows and claim the leading lady role in your own life story. You can stand tall and proud in the limelight and live out the script of your biggest, boldest dreams. I'm proof it can be done. You can be too much, and it can all turn out okay on the other side. In fact, it can and often does turn out way more than just okay.

My friend, embracing your too muchness is one of the biggest acts of self-love you can gift to yourself in your lifetime. But being willing to be you in all of your unique ways and being completely okay with not being everyone's cup of tea is a process that does take time. So show yourself compassion and allow yourself as long as you need.

My final tip is to allow yourself to grieve.

Sometimes, we get this idea that leaving behind the things that don't serve us, don't make us happy or fulfilled, to embrace the life we dream of, that we should only feel positive emotions like excitement and happiness. But the reality is, it’s normal to feel a whole bag of emotions including negative emotions like sadness and grief.

Because here's the thing. To become someone different, even if that's simply you getting back to you, you must leave who you are being right now behind. You must let go of this version of you. In the same way, to experience a different life, you must let go of the life you have in this moment. As we've discussed, that includes potentially some of the people who are in your life in this moment.

One of my mentors put it to me like this. Your new self will cost you your old self and your new life will cost you your old life.

Now maybe and likely you are not going to leave all of you and your life behind. There are going to be some parts that you bring forward into this next chapter. But you will need to leave some parts behind if you want to experience something different. Otherwise, you will just rewrite the same old chapter once more.

So recognize that you are letting go and that it's okay to feel sad about that, to grieve that. I know it sounds strange, but you can still be happy and excited for your new life, at the same time as being sad to leave your old one behind. It's kind of like being sad to leave one location behind on your travels and being excited to explore the next. Happiness and sadness can co-exist.

Allow yourself to feel sad and to grieve for what you're leaving behind and don't allow yourself to get stuck there. Remember why it is you're leaving this life and way of being behind. Keep your authentic self and your new life front and center.

Some people find it helpful to have some kind of ceremony to mark letting go. You might, for instance, write a letter of gratitude to your old self for bringing you to this next chapter. You might recognize the people who you are choosing to walk away from, but who have delivered valuable lessons that have helped you grow and be ready for this next chapter. And then, light a candle, read it out loud, and burn the ladder to say goodbye. It might sound a little cliché, but it definitely works for some.

Grief is a very personal thing, so find what works for you, but the point I want you to understand here is that you may feel sad. You may feel like you are grieving and that is perfectly okay. Instead of pushing these feelings aside, thinking there's something wrong with you or that it's a sign you should retreat back to the shadows, recognize it for what it is. You leaving behind a part of you and a life as you know it for a more authentic life experience.

Allow yourself to feel sad, allow yourself to grieve and don't allow yourself to get stuck in that sadness and grief.

My friend, being willing to be too much for some and live my most authentic fully expressed life possible regardless has become my superpower and it can be yours too. It is the ultimate form of self-love, of self-acceptance and approval. It is the ultimate path to self-expression, and it is the ultimate key to living a happy and joyful life where the only limits on what is too much are your own.

I want for you and me to look back on our lives and be amazed at just what was possible because we allowed ourselves to shine bright and play out life to the fullest. I want for you and me to say YES! to our too muchness, knowing that in doing so, we invite others to do the same. And that, my friend, is a beautiful gift that we can each gift the world.

With that, I'm bringing this episode to a close. But before I do, if you'd like personalized support in embracing your too muchness, please do reach out and let's chat about how we can work together to make that happen.

I'll be coming to you next week, once again from Thailand, where I continue to live in the question of how slow travel can help me make work and play a match made in heaven. It's a trip that is on the too much list for some people, trust me I've been told, and I'm going to celebrate every minute of it anyway.

I do hope you will join me for that conversation, same time, same place, next Wednesday.

Until then, be the woman who says YES!

Hey, want to know what's stopping you from saying YES! to you and a life you love?

Head over to https://selfcreationschool.com/yesblock and take my FREE 60 second quiz to find out what's standing in your way today and I'll send you my Self-Creation Shift process for shifting it.

That's https://selfcreationschool.com/yesblock. I’ll see you there.