Have you ever felt like your emotions and your day-to-day life experience are at the mercy of the world around you? That they’re dictated by forces beyond your control like other people’s moods, opinions and actions.

And it is easy to fall into the trap of thinking other people are to blame. After all, they are the ones pulling the strings, right? They don’t do what you ask them to do, it’s their fault you’re upset. They don’t appreciate your efforts, it’s their fault you feel undervalued. They criticize your choices, it’s their fault you feel unsupported.

But here’s the thing, when we blame people and things outside of us for how we feel, we give away our power to intentionally create the life experience we truly want for ourselves.

That’s why today I want to talk about taking that power back by taking responsibility for how you respond to everyone and everything. Not just to what happens in your outer world, by the way, but to what’s going on in your inner world too, and how you respond to those things like self-doubt and fear that keep you stuck.

This is what I call becoming Response Able. That’s two words, Response Able. And my friend, it’s your secret weapon to creating a life you love because it means that no matter what life or other people throw your way, no matter how big the challenges are that stand between you and your dreams, you have the ability to choose how you respond. And tapping into that ability can completely change your world in an instant.

Let’s dive in.

Welcome to The Self-Creation School podcast, for women who are ready to ditch mediocrity, step up and get more of what they want, and finally say YES! to a life that sets their soul on fire. I’m your host Leanne Letica, Self-Creation Coach, founder of The Self-Creation School AND Queen of YES!. If you’re ready to play life by your own personal rule book, and give yourself permission to say YES! to yourself and your wildest dreams, this podcast is the place for you.

Hello, my friend, and thanks so much for tuning into this episode of The Self-Creation School podcast. I’m grateful to have your company.

Today we are talking about something incredibly powerful, how to stop reacting and start responding in a way that puts you back in a driver’s seat of your emotions and your life. It’s called becoming a Response Able woman, and here’s what that means in a nutshell.

It’s recognizing that you have the power to choose your response to anything life throws your way, and you take responsibility for your ability to respond to your world instead of letting external circumstances and people dictate your emotions and actions. It’s about stepping out of reaction mode and into a place of intention and choice.

Here’s the thing about reaction. Reaction is quicker than response. Reaction is something that is ingrained in our survival instincts as humans. And so what often happens is, because reaction beats response out of the gate instinctively, we go with it, and we get caught up in the negative downwards spiral that our reaction can so often bring.

Let me give you an example.

Let’s say you’re at a family barbecue, and as you’re fixing yourself a plate, your Aunt Betty says, “Wow, that’s a big plate of food. You know you’ll never lose weight eating like that.”

Straight away you feel a wave of embarrassment rise up inside of you because you know everyone at the table probably heard her. This is your reaction jumping right out of the gate, and on the back of that reaction your mind starts racing. “Everybody here probably thinks I have no self-control. It’s no wonder I’m overweight. Aunt Betty’s right, I eat too much and I’m never going to lose weight eating like this.”

As you sit down to eat, your embarrassment turns into hurt. You’re hurt that Aunt Betty would make a comment like this at a gathering that was meant to be a celebration. Then you start beating yourself up for feeling so affected by her comment.

You pick at your food while your mind races ahead with thoughts like, “I’ll never lose weight. I can’t stick to anything. Everybody’s probably watching me right now judging my every mouthful of food and thinking how I am such a failure.”

By the time dessert rolls around, you’re already well into a negative downward spiral. And when someone offers you a slice of pie, you hesitate for a moment, but then you think, “Well, why not? What difference does it make? I’ve already failed, I’m overweight. I might as well enjoy it because losing weight clearly isn’t going to happen for me.”

So you eat the pie, but it doesn’t feel good. Instead, the guilt kicks in, fueled by even more negative thoughts like, “This is why I’ll never change. Aunt Betty is so right. I don’t have any self-discipline. I should just stop trying right here, right now.”

By the time you leave the barbecue, you’re not just upset about Aunt Betty’s comment, you’re upset with yourself, and now you feel stuck, defeated, and hopeless.

And the thing is, your emotions, your reaction, the fallout from Aunt Betty’s comment has nothing to do with Aunt Betty or what she said. It has everything to do with the meaning you attach to what she said — the story you told yourself in that moment — and how that story sent your emotions and actions into a negative downwards spiral.

Here’s how a Response Able woman might have created a different experience from the same set of circumstances.

Her initial reaction to Aunt Betty’s comment might still be embarrassment, because she’s human and emotions are natural. But instead of letting that embarrassment spiral into self-loathing and defeat, she pauses. She takes a breath and reminds herself that she has a choice in how she responds. Remember, she is Response Able, and she chooses to respond in two ways.

The first is by letting Aunt Betty’s comment be nothing more than a comment. A neutral set of words that don’t mean anything until she attaches a meaning to them. This nips that initial reaction of embarrassment in the bud, and it stops it from spiraling out of control.

And she says to Aunt Betty, “It’s so kind of you to be concerned.” Not for Aunt Betty’s sake, mind you. But because she knows framing the actions of others in a positive or at least a neutral light supports her in choosing what comes next, which is to choose her story.

Rather than telling herself, “Everybody here probably thinks I have no self-control”, from her Response Able mindset, she tells herself, “Aunt Betty has an opinion about everything, and her opinion isn’t my opinion. I know that this one meal doesn’t define my success. I’m taking steps towards my health goals in a way that works for me, and I’m proud of that.”

That initial reaction of embarrassment turns into an intentional response that leaves her feeling proud and unashamed.

When dessert is served, she still has the same choice in front of her, but instead of thinking “What’s the point”, she decides intentionally how to show up for herself in that moment by asking herself, “Do I really want this dessert? Will it feel good for me to have this dessert right now? Or would I prefer to pass and honor the commitment I’ve made to myself?”

Now, whether she takes the dessert or doesn’t, the decision is hers — and it’s made from a place of self-respect and empowerment, not because of Aunt Betty’s comment or the defeat and guilt that followed.

When she leaves the barbecue, she’s not carrying a heavy weight of frustration or shame or hurt. Instead, she feels calm, in control, and proud of how she handled herself. Not because Aunt Betty behaved any differently, but because she chose to show up differently for herself and in her world.

This is what it means to be a Response Able woman. It’s not about pretending things don’t bother you or letting people walk all over you. It’s not even about excusing other people’s poor behavior and sweeping everything under the rug of positive thinking. It’s about owning your power to decide what things mean, how you feel and how you act because these are the very things that create your entire reality.

So, my first tip for you today is this.

Start paying attention to what you make things mean. Start noticing your internal thoughts and conversations that follow a negative emotional reaction to someone or something. Notice what action you take from that feeling state and with those thoughts. And if it isn’t action that moves you closer to being who you want to be in your world or having the life experience you desire for yourself, then go about choosing a Response Able meaning for what it is that triggered your negative emotions.

Remember, Aunt Betty’s comments about your food choices and weight, they are neutral. Your colleagues eye rolling when you start your presentation, that is neutral. Your partner forgetting your anniversary is neutral. They all mean nothing until you decide to make them mean something. And you, and only you get to decide what they mean.

As a Response Able woman, you choose a meaning that supports you in creating the life experience that you, and once again, only you are responsible for creating. You must start taking responsibility for your ability to respond to your world and show up in a way that serves you.

Now, I have a very powerful tool that helps you shift your stories and choose a more empowering response to the things that happen in your world called the Self-Creation Shift. It’s completely free and it’s available for you to download on my website when you take my free YES! Block Assessment, which is another really great resource because it helps you uncover what’s really standing in your way to saying YES! to the life you dream of. That’s something I think is a pretty powerful thing to know.

So, I’ll leave that link to the assessment in the show notes for you so you can take the YES! Block Assessment and download a copy of my Self-Creation Shift.

If you already have a copy of my Self-Creation Shift, Aunt Betty’s casual comment at the family barbecue, this is the exact kind of situation the Shift is designed for. It’s an easy to remember quick-fire method to help you shift your stories in the moment so that you can be a Response Able woman.

Which brings me to something I heard recently in a conversation I was having with an acquaintance. Actually, it was more like a complaint session, but let’s go with conversation.

And what they were sharing with me was how they were tired of having to be the bigger person in certain situations. Of having to bite their tongue so they didn’t upset people. Of people getting to behave however it is they want and not giving the same courtesy in return.

They understood that they got to choose their response and their story, but they felt like it was unjust. Why should I have to do all this hard work to be the Response Able one, while everyone else just get to do whatever it is they want?

It does seem a little unfair, right? Like other people are adding to your workload. If they’d just behave better, you wouldn’t have to clean up your stories, emotions and reactions all the time. Life would be so much easier if Aunt Betty just learned how to be nice.

Well, the reality is we don’t live in a perfect world because we as humans are not perfect. That means you, me, Aunt Betty and everyone else. And the simple fact is you cannot control what other people do or don’t do. You cannot control how perfect they behave, or how perfect they treat you. And people will be imperfect, and people will disappoint you and let you down in all kinds of ways, about as sure as the sun will rise every day.

But you can control how you behave, how you treat yourself and others, how you show up for yourself and in your world. You can control being the best possible version of you that you can be. Notice I didn’t say perfect. So, control what you can control and let go of what you cannot.

You cannot control other people. Stop wasting your time and energy trying to. Let other people’s opinions be other people’s opinions. Let their judgments be their judgments. Let what they tell you isn’t possible be impossible for them.

Let other people be Response Able for themselves and for their life outcomes. And use your time and energy to focus on being Response Able for yourself and your outcomes. Your stories and emotions are your business. Other people’s stories and emotions, that’s their business. So, clean up your side of the street and let them deal with theirs.

And listen, what kind of place do you think Aunt Betty is in that her focus is on what you eat? I mean, it’s possible she actually really is just concerned for your health. That is a possibility. But what if she’s projecting her own insecurities or struggles onto you? Maybe she’s grappling with her own body image or health issues, and her comment is really more about her than it is about you.

The truth is, most of the time what people say and do has far more to do with what’s going on in their world than anything to do with you. But because we’re human, we do like to think that everything revolves around us, and so we tend to make it all about us. But as a Response Able woman, you now know better than this.

So, what if, instead of assuming it’s about you, what if you got curious? What if instead of reacting with hurt or defensiveness, you responded with fascination?

My good friend and mentor, Jim Rohn, he used to say, “be fascinated, not frustrated.” So, the next time someone makes a comment or behaves in a way that stings, why not think to yourself, isn’t that fascinating? I wonder what’s going on for them that would make them say or do that.

Now, it doesn’t mean excusing poor behavior, but it does mean stepping out of reaction mode and into a more thoughtful and empowered Response Able state.

Here’s the thing. When you allow yourself to be fascinated instead of frustrated, or hurt, or angry, or whatever negative emotion you are feeling, you’re giving yourself the gift of emotional freedom. You’re choosing to focus on the things that are within your control, which are always your perspective, your response, and your own peace of mind.

Aunt Betty’s comment — you can either let it ruin your day, or you can choose to see it as just words, neutral words, and wonder what’s going on in her life that makes her feel the need to say that. That one shift takes the emotional charge out of the situation, and it leaves you free to respond from a place of clarity, not reaction.

So, take responsibility for your ability to choose how you respond to situations and people in your world. To choose what you make things mean and how you feel and act. Let go of what you cannot control.

Let other people be other people. Let them judge, let them criticize, forget your anniversary, roll their eyes in boredom. Let their limitations be their limitations. Let them do all of that, because they will anyway, so you can free your time and energy to focus on letting you be the woman you want to be.

And respond to situations and people with fascination, with curiosity, not frustration, not hurt or anger and so on.

Now, a really simple and effective way to help you become Response Able and choose fascination and curiosity is to take a Power Pause anytime you find yourself being triggered by someone or something.

And essentially what that looks like is simply taking pause and not responding right away. Immediately, what that does is it slows down your reaction. It’s basically about creating space for an intentional response to take place, rather than simply flying out the gate with an instinctive reaction. And the way I like to take a Power Pause is to take a deep breath and count backwards from five to one.

It’s just a tiny pause, but it’s often all you need to calm that initial surge of emotion and create space for yourself to ask the question, “how do I want to handle this?”. From that space, you can choose to respond in a way that aligns with the woman you want to be, rather than react in a way that you might regret later. It’s a small practice, but trust me, it’s incredibly powerful.

Another thing that’s incredibly helpful in becoming a Response Able woman is to plan ahead and have a go-to response ready. You can do this by thinking about the situations or people that often trigger a negative emotional reaction in you.

Maybe you have an Aunt Betty in your family who makes insensitive comments. I think we all do, don’t we? Maybe it’s a colleague who always undermines your ideas, or even it’s that dreaded rush hour traffic that triggers you.

And once you’ve identified your triggers, create a plan for how you’d like to respond ahead of time. Ask yourself, “When this happens, how can I show up in a Response Able way that serves me? What is my Response Able story?”

Decide how you will respond before you need to respond, so that in the heat of the moment, you no longer react in a way that doesn’t serve you. At least you’ll be less likely to react in a way that doesn’t serve you.

Now listen, you won’t always get this right. There are still going to be times, especially if you’re just starting out being a Response Able woman, that you will react instead of respond. But like anything, the more you practice, the better you will get.

And like a sporting team, you don’t simply turn up on the day and hope for the best. You practice your moves behind the scenes. You have a game plan for how you will play the game. That doesn’t mean the game will go according to plan, but it does mean you give yourself a much better chance of responding intentionally to your trigger situations, instead of reacting impulsively.

And staying on the subject of planning ahead of time, start thinking about your future Response Able self and how she responds to her world.

Picture the you who is living a life she wildly loves. A life where you live freely how you want without caring about what other people think. You accept and validate yourself and you are flourishing with confidence in your own skin.

How does that you handle tough situations? How does that you respond when you feel triggered or challenged? What does that you believe about yourself and what’s possible for you? And then plan for your triggers, like we just discussed, from a place of being this version of you.

And the next time you’re faced with something that triggers a negative reaction, pause and ask yourself, “What would my future self do here?”. Because the magical thing is, when you respond as her, you’re not just handling the situation a whole lot better, but you’re also stepping into her shoes and becoming her right now.

And you can be your future Response Able self in all kinds of situations, not just those like Aunt Betty’s snide remarks.

When you’re doubting your ability to do something, ask yourself how you can be Response Able, how your future self would respond to your doubt. When you feel afraid that you might fail, or you might make a fool of yourself, ask yourself how you can be Response Able.

Listen, if it’s not enough to have those external Aunt Bettys, I can almost guarantee that you have an internal Aunt Betty who is saying things that you are reacting to by questioning yourself and feeling afraid. So, go through the process we’ve been talking about here today and choose how you respond.

And remember, this isn’t about being perfect. It’s not about never reacting negatively to something again. It’s about making small intentional choices that help you focus on what you can control and that align your thoughts, feelings, and actions with the life you want to create.

You are not going to always get this right. You are still going to have times where you react. But as you practice these tips that I’ve shared here with you today, choosing to respond and not react is going to become easier and quicker over time.

So, start noticing your triggers this week, plan your responses ahead of time and practice taking a Power Pause to help you stop reacting and start responding. Then respond with intention in a way that honors the future you who has said YES! to a life she wildly loves because she is a Response Able woman.

That’s it from me this week, don’t forget to take my free YES! Block Assessment and grab your copy of my Self-Creation Shift to help you shift your stories in the moment. The link is in the show notes for you, it’s such a powerful way to take the concepts we talked about today and apply them directly to your life.

Thanks so much for spending this time with me today. I’ll be back next Wednesday, same time, same place.

Until then, be the woman who says YES!

Hey, want to know what’s stopping you from saying YES! to you and a life you love?

Head over to https://selfcreationschool.com/yesblock and take my FREE 60 second quiz to find out what’s standing in your way today and I’ll send you my Self-Creation Shift process for shifting it.

That’s https://selfcreationschool.com/yesblock. I’ll see you there.

Have you ever felt like your emotions and your day-to-day life experience are at the mercy of the world around you? That they’re dictated by forces beyond your control like other people’s moods, opinions and actions.

And it is easy to fall into the trap of thinking other people are to blame. After all, they are the ones pulling the strings, right? They don’t do what you ask them to do, it’s their fault you’re upset. They don’t appreciate your efforts, it’s their fault you feel undervalued. They criticize your choices, it’s their fault you feel unsupported.

But here’s the thing, when we blame people and things outside of us for how we feel, we give away our power to intentionally create the life experience we truly want for ourselves.

That’s why today I want to talk about taking that power back by taking responsibility for how you respond to everyone and everything. Not just to what happens in your outer world, by the way, but to what’s going on in your inner world too, and how you respond to those things like self-doubt and fear that keep you stuck.

This is what I call becoming Response Able. That’s two words, Response Able. And my friend, it’s your secret weapon to creating a life you love because it means that no matter what life or other people throw your way, no matter how big the challenges are that stand between you and your dreams, you have the ability to choose how you respond. And tapping into that ability can completely change your world in an instant.

Let’s dive in.

Welcome to The Self-Creation School podcast, for women who are ready to ditch mediocrity, step up and get more of what they want, and finally say YES! to a life that sets their soul on fire. I’m your host Leanne Letica, Self-Creation Coach, founder of The Self-Creation School AND Queen of YES!. If you’re ready to play life by your own personal rule book, and give yourself permission to say YES! to yourself and your wildest dreams, this podcast is the place for you.

Hello, my friend, and thanks so much for tuning into this episode of The Self-Creation School podcast. I’m grateful to have your company.

Today we are talking about something incredibly powerful, how to stop reacting and start responding in a way that puts you back in a driver’s seat of your emotions and your life. It’s called becoming a Response Able woman, and here’s what that means in a nutshell.

It’s recognizing that you have the power to choose your response to anything life throws your way, and you take responsibility for your ability to respond to your world instead of letting external circumstances and people dictate your emotions and actions. It’s about stepping out of reaction mode and into a place of intention and choice.

Here’s the thing about reaction. Reaction is quicker than response. Reaction is something that is ingrained in our survival instincts as humans. And so what often happens is, because reaction beats response out of the gate instinctively, we go with it, and we get caught up in the negative downwards spiral that our reaction can so often bring.

Let me give you an example.

Let’s say you’re at a family barbecue, and as you’re fixing yourself a plate, your Aunt Betty says, “Wow, that’s a big plate of food. You know you’ll never lose weight eating like that.”

Straight away you feel a wave of embarrassment rise up inside of you because you know everyone at the table probably heard her. This is your reaction jumping right out of the gate, and on the back of that reaction your mind starts racing. “Everybody here probably thinks I have no self-control. It’s no wonder I’m overweight. Aunt Betty’s right, I eat too much and I’m never going to lose weight eating like this.”

As you sit down to eat, your embarrassment turns into hurt. You’re hurt that Aunt Betty would make a comment like this at a gathering that was meant to be a celebration. Then you start beating yourself up for feeling so affected by her comment.

You pick at your food while your mind races ahead with thoughts like, “I’ll never lose weight. I can’t stick to anything. Everybody’s probably watching me right now judging my every mouthful of food and thinking how I am such a failure.”

By the time dessert rolls around, you’re already well into a negative downward spiral. And when someone offers you a slice of pie, you hesitate for a moment, but then you think, “Well, why not? What difference does it make? I’ve already failed, I’m overweight. I might as well enjoy it because losing weight clearly isn’t going to happen for me.”

So you eat the pie, but it doesn’t feel good. Instead, the guilt kicks in, fueled by even more negative thoughts like, “This is why I’ll never change. Aunt Betty is so right. I don’t have any self-discipline. I should just stop trying right here, right now.”

By the time you leave the barbecue, you’re not just upset about Aunt Betty’s comment, you’re upset with yourself, and now you feel stuck, defeated, and hopeless.

And the thing is, your emotions, your reaction, the fallout from Aunt Betty’s comment has nothing to do with Aunt Betty or what she said. It has everything to do with the meaning you attach to what she said — the story you told yourself in that moment — and how that story sent your emotions and actions into a negative downwards spiral.

Here’s how a Response Able woman might have created a different experience from the same set of circumstances.

Her initial reaction to Aunt Betty’s comment might still be embarrassment, because she’s human and emotions are natural. But instead of letting that embarrassment spiral into self-loathing and defeat, she pauses. She takes a breath and reminds herself that she has a choice in how she responds. Remember, she is Response Able, and she chooses to respond in two ways.

The first is by letting Aunt Betty’s comment be nothing more than a comment. A neutral set of words that don’t mean anything until she attaches a meaning to them. This nips that initial reaction of embarrassment in the bud, and it stops it from spiraling out of control.

And she says to Aunt Betty, “It’s so kind of you to be concerned.” Not for Aunt Betty’s sake, mind you. But because she knows framing the actions of others in a positive or at least a neutral light supports her in choosing what comes next, which is to choose her story.

Rather than telling herself, “Everybody here probably thinks I have no self-control”, from her Response Able mindset, she tells herself, “Aunt Betty has an opinion about everything, and her opinion isn’t my opinion. I know that this one meal doesn’t define my success. I’m taking steps towards my health goals in a way that works for me, and I’m proud of that.”

That initial reaction of embarrassment turns into an intentional response that leaves her feeling proud and unashamed.

When dessert is served, she still has the same choice in front of her, but instead of thinking “What’s the point”, she decides intentionally how to show up for herself in that moment by asking herself, “Do I really want this dessert? Will it feel good for me to have this dessert right now? Or would I prefer to pass and honor the commitment I’ve made to myself?”

Now, whether she takes the dessert or doesn’t, the decision is hers — and it’s made from a place of self-respect and empowerment, not because of Aunt Betty’s comment or the defeat and guilt that followed.

When she leaves the barbecue, she’s not carrying a heavy weight of frustration or shame or hurt. Instead, she feels calm, in control, and proud of how she handled herself. Not because Aunt Betty behaved any differently, but because she chose to show up differently for herself and in her world.

This is what it means to be a Response Able woman. It’s not about pretending things don’t bother you or letting people walk all over you. It’s not even about excusing other people’s poor behavior and sweeping everything under the rug of positive thinking. It’s about owning your power to decide what things mean, how you feel and how you act because these are the very things that create your entire reality.

So, my first tip for you today is this.

Start paying attention to what you make things mean. Start noticing your internal thoughts and conversations that follow a negative emotional reaction to someone or something. Notice what action you take from that feeling state and with those thoughts. And if it isn’t action that moves you closer to being who you want to be in your world or having the life experience you desire for yourself, then go about choosing a Response Able meaning for what it is that triggered your negative emotions.

Remember, Aunt Betty’s comments about your food choices and weight, they are neutral. Your colleagues eye rolling when you start your presentation, that is neutral. Your partner forgetting your anniversary is neutral. They all mean nothing until you decide to make them mean something. And you, and only you get to decide what they mean.

As a Response Able woman, you choose a meaning that supports you in creating the life experience that you, and once again, only you are responsible for creating. You must start taking responsibility for your ability to respond to your world and show up in a way that serves you.

Now, I have a very powerful tool that helps you shift your stories and choose a more empowering response to the things that happen in your world called the Self-Creation Shift. It’s completely free and it’s available for you to download on my website when you take my free YES! Block Assessment, which is another really great resource because it helps you uncover what’s really standing in your way to saying YES! to the life you dream of. That’s something I think is a pretty powerful thing to know.

So, I’ll leave that link to the assessment in the show notes for you so you can take the YES! Block Assessment and download a copy of my Self-Creation Shift.

If you already have a copy of my Self-Creation Shift, Aunt Betty’s casual comment at the family barbecue, this is the exact kind of situation the Shift is designed for. It’s an easy to remember quick-fire method to help you shift your stories in the moment so that you can be a Response Able woman.

Which brings me to something I heard recently in a conversation I was having with an acquaintance. Actually, it was more like a complaint session, but let’s go with conversation.

And what they were sharing with me was how they were tired of having to be the bigger person in certain situations. Of having to bite their tongue so they didn’t upset people. Of people getting to behave however it is they want and not giving the same courtesy in return.

They understood that they got to choose their response and their story, but they felt like it was unjust. Why should I have to do all this hard work to be the Response Able one, while everyone else just get to do whatever it is they want?

It does seem a little unfair, right? Like other people are adding to your workload. If they’d just behave better, you wouldn’t have to clean up your stories, emotions and reactions all the time. Life would be so much easier if Aunt Betty just learned how to be nice.

Well, the reality is we don’t live in a perfect world because we as humans are not perfect. That means you, me, Aunt Betty and everyone else. And the simple fact is you cannot control what other people do or don’t do. You cannot control how perfect they behave, or how perfect they treat you. And people will be imperfect, and people will disappoint you and let you down in all kinds of ways, about as sure as the sun will rise every day.

But you can control how you behave, how you treat yourself and others, how you show up for yourself and in your world. You can control being the best possible version of you that you can be. Notice I didn’t say perfect. So, control what you can control and let go of what you cannot.

You cannot control other people. Stop wasting your time and energy trying to. Let other people’s opinions be other people’s opinions. Let their judgments be their judgments. Let what they tell you isn’t possible be impossible for them.

Let other people be Response Able for themselves and for their life outcomes. And use your time and energy to focus on being Response Able for yourself and your outcomes. Your stories and emotions are your business. Other people’s stories and emotions, that’s their business. So, clean up your side of the street and let them deal with theirs.

And listen, what kind of place do you think Aunt Betty is in that her focus is on what you eat? I mean, it’s possible she actually really is just concerned for your health. That is a possibility. But what if she’s projecting her own insecurities or struggles onto you? Maybe she’s grappling with her own body image or health issues, and her comment is really more about her than it is about you.

The truth is, most of the time what people say and do has far more to do with what’s going on in their world than anything to do with you. But because we’re human, we do like to think that everything revolves around us, and so we tend to make it all about us. But as a Response Able woman, you now know better than this.

So, what if, instead of assuming it’s about you, what if you got curious? What if instead of reacting with hurt or defensiveness, you responded with fascination?

My good friend and mentor, Jim Rohn, he used to say, “be fascinated, not frustrated.” So, the next time someone makes a comment or behaves in a way that stings, why not think to yourself, isn’t that fascinating? I wonder what’s going on for them that would make them say or do that.

Now, it doesn’t mean excusing poor behavior, but it does mean stepping out of reaction mode and into a more thoughtful and empowered Response Able state.

Here’s the thing. When you allow yourself to be fascinated instead of frustrated, or hurt, or angry, or whatever negative emotion you are feeling, you’re giving yourself the gift of emotional freedom. You’re choosing to focus on the things that are within your control, which are always your perspective, your response, and your own peace of mind.

Aunt Betty’s comment — you can either let it ruin your day, or you can choose to see it as just words, neutral words, and wonder what’s going on in her life that makes her feel the need to say that. That one shift takes the emotional charge out of the situation, and it leaves you free to respond from a place of clarity, not reaction.

So, take responsibility for your ability to choose how you respond to situations and people in your world. To choose what you make things mean and how you feel and act. Let go of what you cannot control.

Let other people be other people. Let them judge, let them criticize, forget your anniversary, roll their eyes in boredom. Let their limitations be their limitations. Let them do all of that, because they will anyway, so you can free your time and energy to focus on letting you be the woman you want to be.

And respond to situations and people with fascination, with curiosity, not frustration, not hurt or anger and so on.

Now, a really simple and effective way to help you become Response Able and choose fascination and curiosity is to take a Power Pause anytime you find yourself being triggered by someone or something.

And essentially what that looks like is simply taking pause and not responding right away. Immediately, what that does is it slows down your reaction. It’s basically about creating space for an intentional response to take place, rather than simply flying out the gate with an instinctive reaction. And the way I like to take a Power Pause is to take a deep breath and count backwards from five to one.

It’s just a tiny pause, but it’s often all you need to calm that initial surge of emotion and create space for yourself to ask the question, “how do I want to handle this?”. From that space, you can choose to respond in a way that aligns with the woman you want to be, rather than react in a way that you might regret later. It’s a small practice, but trust me, it’s incredibly powerful.

Another thing that’s incredibly helpful in becoming a Response Able woman is to plan ahead and have a go-to response ready. You can do this by thinking about the situations or people that often trigger a negative emotional reaction in you.

Maybe you have an Aunt Betty in your family who makes insensitive comments. I think we all do, don’t we? Maybe it’s a colleague who always undermines your ideas, or even it’s that dreaded rush hour traffic that triggers you.

And once you’ve identified your triggers, create a plan for how you’d like to respond ahead of time. Ask yourself, “When this happens, how can I show up in a Response Able way that serves me? What is my Response Able story?”

Decide how you will respond before you need to respond, so that in the heat of the moment, you no longer react in a way that doesn’t serve you. At least you’ll be less likely to react in a way that doesn’t serve you.

Now listen, you won’t always get this right. There are still going to be times, especially if you’re just starting out being a Response Able woman, that you will react instead of respond. But like anything, the more you practice, the better you will get.

And like a sporting team, you don’t simply turn up on the day and hope for the best. You practice your moves behind the scenes. You have a game plan for how you will play the game. That doesn’t mean the game will go according to plan, but it does mean you give yourself a much better chance of responding intentionally to your trigger situations, instead of reacting impulsively.

And staying on the subject of planning ahead of time, start thinking about your future Response Able self and how she responds to her world.

Picture the you who is living a life she wildly loves. A life where you live freely how you want without caring about what other people think. You accept and validate yourself and you are flourishing with confidence in your own skin.

How does that you handle tough situations? How does that you respond when you feel triggered or challenged? What does that you believe about yourself and what’s possible for you? And then plan for your triggers, like we just discussed, from a place of being this version of you.

And the next time you’re faced with something that triggers a negative reaction, pause and ask yourself, “What would my future self do here?”. Because the magical thing is, when you respond as her, you’re not just handling the situation a whole lot better, but you’re also stepping into her shoes and becoming her right now.

And you can be your future Response Able self in all kinds of situations, not just those like Aunt Betty’s snide remarks.

When you’re doubting your ability to do something, ask yourself how you can be Response Able, how your future self would respond to your doubt. When you feel afraid that you might fail, or you might make a fool of yourself, ask yourself how you can be Response Able.

Listen, if it’s not enough to have those external Aunt Bettys, I can almost guarantee that you have an internal Aunt Betty who is saying things that you are reacting to by questioning yourself and feeling afraid. So, go through the process we’ve been talking about here today and choose how you respond.

And remember, this isn’t about being perfect. It’s not about never reacting negatively to something again. It’s about making small intentional choices that help you focus on what you can control and that align your thoughts, feelings, and actions with the life you want to create.

You are not going to always get this right. You are still going to have times where you react. But as you practice these tips that I’ve shared here with you today, choosing to respond and not react is going to become easier and quicker over time.

So, start noticing your triggers this week, plan your responses ahead of time and practice taking a Power Pause to help you stop reacting and start responding. Then respond with intention in a way that honors the future you who has said YES! to a life she wildly loves because she is a Response Able woman.

That’s it from me this week, don’t forget to take my free YES! Block Assessment and grab your copy of my Self-Creation Shift to help you shift your stories in the moment. The link is in the show notes for you, it’s such a powerful way to take the concepts we talked about today and apply them directly to your life.

Thanks so much for spending this time with me today. I’ll be back next Wednesday, same time, same place.

Until then, be the woman who says YES!

Hey, want to know what’s stopping you from saying YES! to you and a life you love?

Head over to https://selfcreationschool.com/yesblock and take my FREE 60 second quiz to find out what’s standing in your way today and I’ll send you my Self-Creation Shift process for shifting it.

That’s https://selfcreationschool.com/yesblock. I’ll see you there.