Are you playing the leading lady role in your own life story? Or are you playing the support act someone else's dreamy plot? In today's episode, I'm uncovering the 10 subtle signs that you might be playing life in the shadows, sidelining your dreams and living out everyone else's story but your own.

If you've ever felt like you don't hold the pen that writes the script you live out every single day, or you constantly take second place to those around you, or maybe you just feel like your story lacks substance. This episode is for you.

It's time to step into the spotlight where you belong and unapologetically claim your role as a star in your own extraordinary life story. Let's look at how you can do exactly that.

Welcome to The Self-Creation School podcast, for women who are ready to ditch mediocrity, step up and get more of what they want, and finally say YES! to a life that sets their soul on fire. I'm your host Leanne Letica, Self-Creation Coach, founder of The Self-Creation School AND Queen of YES!. If you're ready to play life by your own personal rule book, and give yourself permission to say YES! to yourself and your wildest dreams, this podcast is the place for you.

Hello there, my friend, and welcome to this week's episode of The Self-Creation School podcast, where we talk about how to create a life you love, one YES! at a time. This is the place I share my Self-Creation secrets to help you redefine your SELF, rewrite your rules, and reinvent your world.

My journey from being an almost bankrupt single mum cleaning the homes of multi-millionaires to make ends meet to making my own millions taught me very early on in my life the power of choosing my story and how to redefine my SELF, rewrite my rules and reinvent my world.

And to anyone on the outside looking in, I had definitely gone from playing my life in the shadows to being the star of an extraordinary story. The thing is, I didn't really feel like it was my extraordinary story, that I was living out. It didn't feel like it belonged to me. It felt very much like I was playing the support act in someone else's life plan.

The reality is, largely, that's somewhat true. The status quo wrote my script. The status quo told me what being successful looked like. The status quo told me what I should do, have and experience in my life to be happy, approved of, loved and accepted by others. The status quo told me what kind of relationships I should have, who I should be.

And I chose that story at face value without ever really considering my place in that script. I simply took the plan laid out for me and recreated myself from being that almost bankrupt single mum cleaning houses to a successful business owner and financially secure woman. I redefined my identity, I rewrote the rules of what was possible for me, and I definitely reinvented my world in a very big way.

But the things the status quo told me would make me feel fulfilled, happy, approved of, loved and accepted, just didn't. I had ticked all the boxes, played by all the rules, lived up to all expectations, in fact probably far exceeded them, and created an outwardly impressive life that was anything but internally rich and rewarding.

Honestly, it felt like I was still living in the shadows of my life, just like I was when I was cleaning houses. I felt like the storyline of my success and my life was the brainchild of someone else and that the leading lady role could have been played by anyone. It hadn't been written especially for me, and it was on no part of my talent that this story had come to be my reality.

And therein lay the real problem. For the most part, there was nothing really all that wrong with what the status quo suggested and today I very much enjoy having, doing and experiencing many of those things in my life. Not all of them, but many of them. What was wrong was that I tied my self-worth to it, my value as a human being.

I thought that creating this success and living this life would finally make me feel worthy. Worthy of being loved and accepted. Worthy of being happy and fulfilled. And it didn't. Because it turns out that no level of success and no amount of monetary wealth can buy you SELF Wealth. And without it, you'll never be the star in your own life story. You will always keep yourself hidden in the shadows.

I learned the hard way that the only person who can make me feel valued, give me the love, acceptance and approval that I so desperately wanted through my success and from other people, was in fact, me. And I was denying myself all that. I was the reason I felt like I didn't matter in my own life. It wasn't really the story I had chosen to play out, it was my feelings of unworthiness to play out that story.

And I avoided, at all costs, being the star of my story because it would only highlight my unworthiness. Instead, I stayed safely hidden in the shadows and played a number of support roles over the years that kept me out of the spotlight in my own life and playing second fiddle to other people and to the potential of my true authentic self.

Roles like Chief Self-Denial Officer Chief People-Pleaser, Chief Perfectionist, Chief Procrastinator, Chief of Not Enoughness. Some of you are playing those roles too. And these are all cover stories, my friend, for hiding in the shadows, for not having the SELF Wealth to stand center stage and unapologetically shine.

I know all too well what it cost me to keep playing the support act to other people's dreams, rules and expectations because I was holding myself ransom to my not enoughness. I also know the richness of giving to myself what I had been seeking outside of me, stepping out from the shadows, claiming my role in the limelight and becoming the star of my story. A story which now truly is extraordinary because I finally feel worthy of living it.

There are a lot of ways we avoid being the star of our own show and we stay hidden in the safety of the support act in other people's stories. Sometimes we become so accustomed to shrinking ourselves, downplaying our worthiness and hiding in a life that is far less than it could be, that we hardly notice this is what we are doing. And we are left clueless when it comes to understanding why we don't feel happy and fulfilled in our lives.

But my friend, you and I, we only have this one precious life, this one opportunity to live the life we've been handed. So today I want to share with you the subtle signs that you may be playing in the shadows and how you can take center stage in your own life story so you can make every day, for the rest of your days, in your one life matter.

If you've ever felt like your script is being written by someone else, like you don't hold the pen or control the words that get written onto the pages of your life story, there's a good chance you are hiding in the shadows of your own life by playing the role of Chief People-Pleaser, to support other people's stories while downplaying your own.

Here are some of the signs to look out for.

Number one, you place other people's happiness above your own, even if it makes you unhappy. It might be agreeing to attend an event with a friend that you're really not all that interested in, or altering your dinner reservations, let's say, to accommodate someone else's preferences to dine elsewhere, even though you don't like the food at that restaurant.

And you do this because deep down, you believe if you make others happy, they will love and accept you. And you tie your worthiness to this love and acceptance. But these choices add up over time and eventually you will find yourself living a life where you play second fiddle to the terms set down by others.

The second sign is you say yes to avoid disappointing people, even if it means disappointing yourself. You don't want to let other people down, even though this might mean letting yourself down. And this shows up as an inability to say no.

So you might accept additional responsibilities at work, which leaves you less time for spending with your family and the people that matter. You might agree to social plans you absolutely dread, or continue relationships that just don't serve you, all because you fear the disappointment or disapproval of other people. And you've tied your worthiness to getting this tick of approval.

This compulsion to constantly say yes to others and no to yourself can and will trap you in a cycle of over commitment, emotional stress, and keep you stuck playing the support act in everyone else's story.

The third sign is you always show up for your friends, but they don't always show up for you. This could look like being the first person to offer help, the shoulder to cry on. Yet when you need support, you find yourself all alone. It might look like constantly being the organizer for events, or constantly being the host for events.

It could be the many times you've adjusted your schedule to fit in a friend's crisis, or the countless efforts you've made to attend important milestones for other people, which are rarely reciprocated in your times of need or special moments.

This imbalance often stems from a fear of losing connection with others if you assert your own needs and it's very often grounded in a belief that your personal value is measured by how valued you are in your personal relationships.

The reality is, this keeps you stuck in relationships that don't truly serve you, and over time this one-sided dedication can have the opposite effect and leave you feeling unvalued and invisible in your own life story. And as long as you continue this kind of behavior, you reinforce your role as a support act rather than taking stage as the star of your own show.

The fourth sign is you say yes to plans being changed, even when it inconveniences you or puts you at a disadvantage. Now, this may look like changing a well-planned day that you've been looking forward to for months, to suit someone else's last-minute schedule. Or cancelling a much-needed rest and relaxation day because someone asks you a favor.

You find yourself agreeing to these changes, not because it's genuinely okay with you, but because you fear the conflict or perhaps the discomfort that might arise from asserting your own needs.

Once again, this comes down to not feeling worthy of your needs. And this pattern of behavior not only disrupts your plans but reinforces the belief that your time and your needs are less important than those of others. When this happens, you will find yourself stuck playing the support act in other people's stories instead of unapologetically shining in your own.

These four signs all point to playing the role of Chief People-Pleaser and a deeper issue of not valuing your own worth, continuously seeking validation and approval from others at the expense of your own happiness and well-being.

By consistently placing other people's needs and happiness before your own, you diminish your role in your own life story. You relegate yourself to the background and you prevent yourself from truly embracing the starring role you deserve in your life.

Let's talk about the role some of you are playing as Chief Self-Denial Officer, otherwise also known as Chief Self-Neglect Officer. Here are the signs to look out for.

The first sign is you routinely put other people as a priority and treat yourself as an option. How often do you find yourself dropping your own task or sacrificing your time to help others at the cost of doing the things that might actually move the needle forward on your own dreams and aspirations, or that might enhance your own quality of life, your health and well-being?

You are likely doing this because you don't feel worthy of being a priority in your own life. Or you don't feel worthy of the success, happiness and well-being that you might experience if you placed yourself first.

When putting others first becomes a habit, you will eventually start to feel like your own wants, needs and desires are secondary, that they don't matter, that you don't matter. And like you are being sidelined in your own life, as if you are watching it pass by without actively participating or influencing its storyline.

The second sign is you give in to everyone else's wants, needs and desires and neglect your own.

Now, this is different to placing other people's happiness above your own. That is more about prioritizing other people's happiness to gain acceptance and love. And it's driven by the need to please others, to feel valued and included. Giving in to everyone else's wants, needs and desires, and neglecting your own, is more about a deep-seated belief that your own needs are inherently less important or less valuable.

So, this shows up as consistently not asserting your preferences, in being non-committal in having a say in what you do, have or experience, and leaving it up to the wishes of other people in your life. That might look like always letting your partner choose the movies, or your friends choose the restaurant.

Over time, this behavior not only makes your preferences seem less important but can also make you feel invisible and unimportant in your own life. And you might do this because you feel that accommodating others is the only way to maintain harmony. But more likely, it's because you believe your own desires aren't worth asserting.

This ongoing neglect of your personal needs, wants and desires will eventually erode your sense of SELF and leave you feeling unfulfilled and disconnected from what truly brings you joy. It keeps you stuck playing out a life story that just will not feel like your own.

The third sign is, it's always you making the effort to go to your friends and family, they never come to you. This looks like always traveling to other people's homes, being the one organizing every meet up, sending all the messages or making all the phone calls.

This one-way traffic kind of role you're playing suggests that you value other people's time and effort more than you do your own, possibly because you believe that they wouldn't make the same effort for you, or worse still, that they might not value you enough to reciprocate.

This sign points to a deeper issue of not feeling valued or worthy of being sought out. The reality is, it's a sign that you are helping write the story of everyone else's life and neglecting your own.

And the fourth sign is, you only ever get to do, have or experience something you want after the significant people in your life do, have and experience what they want. This might look as simple as waiting to watch your favorite show on TV until after everyone else has watched theirs. Or as significant as putting your career moves on hold while supporting your partner's career.

And commonly what's happening here is, you think that once everyone else's needs are satisfied, it can finally be your turn. But often what happens is, your turn never comes, and you end up stuck playing the support act in everyone else's story.

This continuous backseat role can lead to feelings of resentment and a diminishing sense of self-worth because it reinforces the idea that your needs are secondary or perhaps even optional. And often you might engage in this kind of behavior out of a fear of being selfish, but more likely because deep down you believe that your happiness is less important than that of those around you.

So if any of these signs sound familiar, you are likely to be hiding in the shadows of your life by playing Chief Self-Denial Officer or Chief Self-Neglect Officer, if you like, and showing up for everyone else but yourself.

Now, the final two signs that you are playing the support act and not shining as a star in your own show, are shrinking yourself and downplaying your talents or achievements to maintain the status quo, and shelving your own dreams and aspirations to help other people achieve theirs.

This is you playing a role of Chief Not Enoughness. Both of these signs highlights actions that minimize yourself to fit into the expectations or comforts of other people, and they are both firmly grounded in a depleted sense of self-worth.

When you shrink yourself, such as avoiding speaking up in meetings, even when you have valuable insights or downplaying your accomplishments, it's often because deep down you do not feel worthy of attention or acknowledgement. This kind of depleted self-worth will have you believing that your contributions are not valuable, or that asserting your ideas could lead to rejection or criticism.

Now over time, this behavior not only robs you of potential opportunities, but it reinforces to yourself and others that you are not a key player in your own story. Every time you shrink yourself, when you downplay yourself, you are reaffirming a belief in your inadequacy to shine as a star in your own show.

In a similar fashion, shelving your dreams to facilitate other people's dreams, like delaying your education or putting your own business ideas on hold to support a partner's career perhaps or to focus on someone else's project, often stems from a belief that your own aspirations are less worthy or important. So you prioritize other people's success over your own because you believe that their needs and goals deserve the spotlight more than yours.

Every time you make these kind of sacrifices, you send yourself a powerful message that your own aspirations do not hold enough value to pursue. This not only sacrifices your potential but ingrains a deeper sense of unworthiness regarding your personal ambitions. And it will keep you stuck in a supporting role.

I shared my personal story at the beginning of this episode because I really wanted to highlight how not being the star in your own life story is deeply grounded in a lack of self-worth. I created a Hollywood blockbuster story of a life and yet I did not allow myself to shine in the leading lady role because of my depleted self-worth.

Choosing, and it is a choice, to hide in the shadows of your life and play the support act in everyone else's, is a result of a deeper story that you are telling yourself on default about your inherent value and your place in this world.

So how can you rebuild your sense of self-worth and step out from the shadows to claim the leading lady role you rightfully deserve in your own life?

Well, the first step is always awareness. You cannot change what you do not know exists. So I encourage you to spend some time and reflect on your life and where you may be showing up in other people's lives to gain acceptance, approval, love or a sense of feeling valued. Or to avoid showing up in your own life because you don't feel worthy or deserving of doing so.

The second step is to look for the stories behind your feelings of unworthiness. Think back as far as you can remember to the first time you felt unworthy, undeserving, unvalued, unloved or unaccepted. What happened to make you feel this way? Then shift the story you told yourself about this event and what it said about who you are to a new, more empowering story that supports you being the worthy star of your own show.

You get to decide what you make everything mean. The problem is, so many of the stories we tell ourselves, are stories we developed in response to things that happened in our childhood. And, let's face it, our innocent child brains were not all that well equipped to make sense of the things we experience as children. So a lot of our stories overlook the other possible explanations that we could have given to the event that might not have caused us to feel these kinds of negative emotions about ourselves.

So brainstorm all the possible alternative explanations that you could have given to that original event that happened that caused you to feel unworthy, undeserving, unvalued, unloved or unaccepted. Then choose one that makes you feel a more positive emotion.

Here's an example for you.

As a child, my grandfather used to call me a watermelon baby and poke what I thought was my chubby little belly and tell me if I kept eating so much watermelon, I would grow a watermelon baby inside my belly from all the watermelon seeds I ate. At the time, I made that mean that he thought I was fat, and that made me feel unloved and rejected. And my child brain decided that meant I wasn't worthy of being loved or accepted.

An alternative explanation for what happened could have been that my grandfather was simply attempting to have some fun and connect with me in our own private little joke. That it really had no other meaning other than that. Now if I think about what happened in this way, I feel very loved and accepted, and in turn worthy of being loved and accepted. You see how this works?

Now, there are going to be a lot of stories you are likely to come up with, that's perfectly normal. Simply work through them one at a time and shift them to a new story that supports your star quality worthiness.

Also know that this process is not necessarily about excusing the wrong behavior of other people and painting a rosy picture of them. But it is about looking through a different lens, looking for ways that you could otherwise explain the event, and ultimately taking back your power and deciding what you make the things that happen mean about you.

And listen, if you have experienced highly traumatic childhood events, you are going to want the support of a qualified professional to help you shift your story. So, I encourage you to seek out that support.

The third thing I can suggest that made a big difference in my own self-worth is to journal. I talked about this in my podcast episode a couple of weeks ago, where I shared my three morning musts for Self-Created success. But essentially, journaling is a fantastic tool for reflection, for rewriting your stories, for creating I AM affirmations to help reinforce new beliefs about yourself, for collecting evidence of your worthiness, and celebrating your wins.

But perhaps most importantly, journaling is a place where you can have a non-critical, non-judgmental daily conversation with your current SELF and also connect with your Future SELF. The you who unapologetically shines in your own life story and does all the things she knows she is here to do.

Journaling will be your best companion on this journey, and I highly encourage you to always have one by your side. I actually made my own daily journal pages available for you to download, so I'll leave a link to those in the show notes for you if you want to grab yourself a copy.

A final couple of tips before I close things out.

One, take a look at your boundaries and where it may support you in putting boundaries in place that protect your time, your energy and your emotional well-being. This may be with other people, and it could be with yourself as well. Communicate your boundaries clearly with others and use your journal to communicate them daily to yourself.

Now some people are not going to like you stepping away from the supporting role in their life to be the star of your own show. I would love to tell you that that won't happen, but the reality is it will. So expect that. And when it happens, remind yourself of your worthiness to put the focus on you, and the true cost of staying stuck playing the support act in everyone else's story.

Remember, you only have this one precious life, my friend. And I promise you that with time, if you are clear, firm and consistent in upholding your boundaries, the people that do matter will accept them and a new dynamic in your relationship will take hold.

My final tip is to seek out support. Working with a coach like myself or another qualified professional can be invaluable in helping you rebuild your self-worth and gain the confidence you need to step into the leading lady role that is reserved for you in your own life story. I've worked with many coaches and mentors over the years, and I continue to do so. It is definitely one of the secrets to becoming a Self-Created Woman.

This has been a really deep episode today. I hope that it has been valuable for you, and you feel inspired to say YES! to claiming your leading lady role. I have created a lot of free resources that you can use to help you on your journey. So definitely head over to my website at https://selfcreationschool.com and take a look around. I'll also leave some useful links in the show notes for you.

For now, I hope you have a beautiful rest of your week. I'll be back for another conversation on creating a life you love next Wednesday.

Until then, be the woman who says YES!

Hey, have you joined my FREE mini-workshop the Week of YES!? This powerful five-day workshop will help you take your foot off the brake and start saying YES! to more of the life you crave. Isn't it time you created a life you're beyond excited to wake up to? It all begins with saying YES!. Head over to https://selfcreationschool.com/weekofyes and get started on your YES! story today. I'll see you there.

Are you playing the leading lady role in your own life story? Or are you playing the support act someone else's dreamy plot? In today's episode, I'm uncovering the 10 subtle signs that you might be playing life in the shadows, sidelining your dreams and living out everyone else's story but your own.

If you've ever felt like you don't hold the pen that writes the script you live out every single day, or you constantly take second place to those around you, or maybe you just feel like your story lacks substance. This episode is for you.

It's time to step into the spotlight where you belong and unapologetically claim your role as a star in your own extraordinary life story. Let's look at how you can do exactly that.

Welcome to The Self-Creation School podcast, for women who are ready to ditch mediocrity, step up and get more of what they want, and finally say YES! to a life that sets their soul on fire. I'm your host Leanne Letica, Self-Creation Coach, founder of The Self-Creation School AND Queen of YES!. If you're ready to play life by your own personal rule book, and give yourself permission to say YES! to yourself and your wildest dreams, this podcast is the place for you.

Hello there, my friend, and welcome to this week's episode of The Self-Creation School podcast, where we talk about how to create a life you love, one YES! at a time. This is the place I share my Self-Creation secrets to help you redefine your SELF, rewrite your rules, and reinvent your world.

My journey from being an almost bankrupt single mum cleaning the homes of multi-millionaires to make ends meet to making my own millions taught me very early on in my life the power of choosing my story and how to redefine my SELF, rewrite my rules and reinvent my world.

And to anyone on the outside looking in, I had definitely gone from playing my life in the shadows to being the star of an extraordinary story. The thing is, I didn't really feel like it was my extraordinary story, that I was living out. It didn't feel like it belonged to me. It felt very much like I was playing the support act in someone else's life plan.

The reality is, largely, that's somewhat true. The status quo wrote my script. The status quo told me what being successful looked like. The status quo told me what I should do, have and experience in my life to be happy, approved of, loved and accepted by others. The status quo told me what kind of relationships I should have, who I should be.

And I chose that story at face value without ever really considering my place in that script. I simply took the plan laid out for me and recreated myself from being that almost bankrupt single mum cleaning houses to a successful business owner and financially secure woman. I redefined my identity, I rewrote the rules of what was possible for me, and I definitely reinvented my world in a very big way.

But the things the status quo told me would make me feel fulfilled, happy, approved of, loved and accepted, just didn't. I had ticked all the boxes, played by all the rules, lived up to all expectations, in fact probably far exceeded them, and created an outwardly impressive life that was anything but internally rich and rewarding.

Honestly, it felt like I was still living in the shadows of my life, just like I was when I was cleaning houses. I felt like the storyline of my success and my life was the brainchild of someone else and that the leading lady role could have been played by anyone. It hadn't been written especially for me, and it was on no part of my talent that this story had come to be my reality.

And therein lay the real problem. For the most part, there was nothing really all that wrong with what the status quo suggested and today I very much enjoy having, doing and experiencing many of those things in my life. Not all of them, but many of them. What was wrong was that I tied my self-worth to it, my value as a human being.

I thought that creating this success and living this life would finally make me feel worthy. Worthy of being loved and accepted. Worthy of being happy and fulfilled. And it didn't. Because it turns out that no level of success and no amount of monetary wealth can buy you SELF Wealth. And without it, you'll never be the star in your own life story. You will always keep yourself hidden in the shadows.

I learned the hard way that the only person who can make me feel valued, give me the love, acceptance and approval that I so desperately wanted through my success and from other people, was in fact, me. And I was denying myself all that. I was the reason I felt like I didn't matter in my own life. It wasn't really the story I had chosen to play out, it was my feelings of unworthiness to play out that story.

And I avoided, at all costs, being the star of my story because it would only highlight my unworthiness. Instead, I stayed safely hidden in the shadows and played a number of support roles over the years that kept me out of the spotlight in my own life and playing second fiddle to other people and to the potential of my true authentic self.

Roles like Chief Self-Denial Officer Chief People-Pleaser, Chief Perfectionist, Chief Procrastinator, Chief of Not Enoughness. Some of you are playing those roles too. And these are all cover stories, my friend, for hiding in the shadows, for not having the SELF Wealth to stand center stage and unapologetically shine.

I know all too well what it cost me to keep playing the support act to other people's dreams, rules and expectations because I was holding myself ransom to my not enoughness. I also know the richness of giving to myself what I had been seeking outside of me, stepping out from the shadows, claiming my role in the limelight and becoming the star of my story. A story which now truly is extraordinary because I finally feel worthy of living it.

There are a lot of ways we avoid being the star of our own show and we stay hidden in the safety of the support act in other people's stories. Sometimes we become so accustomed to shrinking ourselves, downplaying our worthiness and hiding in a life that is far less than it could be, that we hardly notice this is what we are doing. And we are left clueless when it comes to understanding why we don't feel happy and fulfilled in our lives.

But my friend, you and I, we only have this one precious life, this one opportunity to live the life we've been handed. So today I want to share with you the subtle signs that you may be playing in the shadows and how you can take center stage in your own life story so you can make every day, for the rest of your days, in your one life matter.

If you've ever felt like your script is being written by someone else, like you don't hold the pen or control the words that get written onto the pages of your life story, there's a good chance you are hiding in the shadows of your own life by playing the role of Chief People-Pleaser, to support other people's stories while downplaying your own.

Here are some of the signs to look out for.

Number one, you place other people's happiness above your own, even if it makes you unhappy. It might be agreeing to attend an event with a friend that you're really not all that interested in, or altering your dinner reservations, let's say, to accommodate someone else's preferences to dine elsewhere, even though you don't like the food at that restaurant.

And you do this because deep down, you believe if you make others happy, they will love and accept you. And you tie your worthiness to this love and acceptance. But these choices add up over time and eventually you will find yourself living a life where you play second fiddle to the terms set down by others.

The second sign is you say yes to avoid disappointing people, even if it means disappointing yourself. You don't want to let other people down, even though this might mean letting yourself down. And this shows up as an inability to say no.

So you might accept additional responsibilities at work, which leaves you less time for spending with your family and the people that matter. You might agree to social plans you absolutely dread, or continue relationships that just don't serve you, all because you fear the disappointment or disapproval of other people. And you've tied your worthiness to getting this tick of approval.

This compulsion to constantly say yes to others and no to yourself can and will trap you in a cycle of over commitment, emotional stress, and keep you stuck playing the support act in everyone else's story.

The third sign is you always show up for your friends, but they don't always show up for you. This could look like being the first person to offer help, the shoulder to cry on. Yet when you need support, you find yourself all alone. It might look like constantly being the organizer for events, or constantly being the host for events.

It could be the many times you've adjusted your schedule to fit in a friend's crisis, or the countless efforts you've made to attend important milestones for other people, which are rarely reciprocated in your times of need or special moments.

This imbalance often stems from a fear of losing connection with others if you assert your own needs and it's very often grounded in a belief that your personal value is measured by how valued you are in your personal relationships.

The reality is, this keeps you stuck in relationships that don't truly serve you, and over time this one-sided dedication can have the opposite effect and leave you feeling unvalued and invisible in your own life story. And as long as you continue this kind of behavior, you reinforce your role as a support act rather than taking stage as the star of your own show.

The fourth sign is you say yes to plans being changed, even when it inconveniences you or puts you at a disadvantage. Now, this may look like changing a well-planned day that you've been looking forward to for months, to suit someone else's last-minute schedule. Or cancelling a much-needed rest and relaxation day because someone asks you a favor.

You find yourself agreeing to these changes, not because it's genuinely okay with you, but because you fear the conflict or perhaps the discomfort that might arise from asserting your own needs.

Once again, this comes down to not feeling worthy of your needs. And this pattern of behavior not only disrupts your plans but reinforces the belief that your time and your needs are less important than those of others. When this happens, you will find yourself stuck playing the support act in other people's stories instead of unapologetically shining in your own.

These four signs all point to playing the role of Chief People-Pleaser and a deeper issue of not valuing your own worth, continuously seeking validation and approval from others at the expense of your own happiness and well-being.

By consistently placing other people's needs and happiness before your own, you diminish your role in your own life story. You relegate yourself to the background and you prevent yourself from truly embracing the starring role you deserve in your life.

Let's talk about the role some of you are playing as Chief Self-Denial Officer, otherwise also known as Chief Self-Neglect Officer. Here are the signs to look out for.

The first sign is you routinely put other people as a priority and treat yourself as an option. How often do you find yourself dropping your own task or sacrificing your time to help others at the cost of doing the things that might actually move the needle forward on your own dreams and aspirations, or that might enhance your own quality of life, your health and well-being?

You are likely doing this because you don't feel worthy of being a priority in your own life. Or you don't feel worthy of the success, happiness and well-being that you might experience if you placed yourself first.

When putting others first becomes a habit, you will eventually start to feel like your own wants, needs and desires are secondary, that they don't matter, that you don't matter. And like you are being sidelined in your own life, as if you are watching it pass by without actively participating or influencing its storyline.

The second sign is you give in to everyone else's wants, needs and desires and neglect your own.

Now, this is different to placing other people's happiness above your own. That is more about prioritizing other people's happiness to gain acceptance and love. And it's driven by the need to please others, to feel valued and included. Giving in to everyone else's wants, needs and desires, and neglecting your own, is more about a deep-seated belief that your own needs are inherently less important or less valuable.

So, this shows up as consistently not asserting your preferences, in being non-committal in having a say in what you do, have or experience, and leaving it up to the wishes of other people in your life. That might look like always letting your partner choose the movies, or your friends choose the restaurant.

Over time, this behavior not only makes your preferences seem less important but can also make you feel invisible and unimportant in your own life. And you might do this because you feel that accommodating others is the only way to maintain harmony. But more likely, it's because you believe your own desires aren't worth asserting.

This ongoing neglect of your personal needs, wants and desires will eventually erode your sense of SELF and leave you feeling unfulfilled and disconnected from what truly brings you joy. It keeps you stuck playing out a life story that just will not feel like your own.

The third sign is, it's always you making the effort to go to your friends and family, they never come to you. This looks like always traveling to other people's homes, being the one organizing every meet up, sending all the messages or making all the phone calls.

This one-way traffic kind of role you're playing suggests that you value other people's time and effort more than you do your own, possibly because you believe that they wouldn't make the same effort for you, or worse still, that they might not value you enough to reciprocate.

This sign points to a deeper issue of not feeling valued or worthy of being sought out. The reality is, it's a sign that you are helping write the story of everyone else's life and neglecting your own.

And the fourth sign is, you only ever get to do, have or experience something you want after the significant people in your life do, have and experience what they want. This might look as simple as waiting to watch your favorite show on TV until after everyone else has watched theirs. Or as significant as putting your career moves on hold while supporting your partner's career.

And commonly what's happening here is, you think that once everyone else's needs are satisfied, it can finally be your turn. But often what happens is, your turn never comes, and you end up stuck playing the support act in everyone else's story.

This continuous backseat role can lead to feelings of resentment and a diminishing sense of self-worth because it reinforces the idea that your needs are secondary or perhaps even optional. And often you might engage in this kind of behavior out of a fear of being selfish, but more likely because deep down you believe that your happiness is less important than that of those around you.

So if any of these signs sound familiar, you are likely to be hiding in the shadows of your life by playing Chief Self-Denial Officer or Chief Self-Neglect Officer, if you like, and showing up for everyone else but yourself.

Now, the final two signs that you are playing the support act and not shining as a star in your own show, are shrinking yourself and downplaying your talents or achievements to maintain the status quo, and shelving your own dreams and aspirations to help other people achieve theirs.

This is you playing a role of Chief Not Enoughness. Both of these signs highlights actions that minimize yourself to fit into the expectations or comforts of other people, and they are both firmly grounded in a depleted sense of self-worth.

When you shrink yourself, such as avoiding speaking up in meetings, even when you have valuable insights or downplaying your accomplishments, it's often because deep down you do not feel worthy of attention or acknowledgement. This kind of depleted self-worth will have you believing that your contributions are not valuable, or that asserting your ideas could lead to rejection or criticism.

Now over time, this behavior not only robs you of potential opportunities, but it reinforces to yourself and others that you are not a key player in your own story. Every time you shrink yourself, when you downplay yourself, you are reaffirming a belief in your inadequacy to shine as a star in your own show.

In a similar fashion, shelving your dreams to facilitate other people's dreams, like delaying your education or putting your own business ideas on hold to support a partner's career perhaps or to focus on someone else's project, often stems from a belief that your own aspirations are less worthy or important. So you prioritize other people's success over your own because you believe that their needs and goals deserve the spotlight more than yours.

Every time you make these kind of sacrifices, you send yourself a powerful message that your own aspirations do not hold enough value to pursue. This not only sacrifices your potential but ingrains a deeper sense of unworthiness regarding your personal ambitions. And it will keep you stuck in a supporting role.

I shared my personal story at the beginning of this episode because I really wanted to highlight how not being the star in your own life story is deeply grounded in a lack of self-worth. I created a Hollywood blockbuster story of a life and yet I did not allow myself to shine in the leading lady role because of my depleted self-worth.

Choosing, and it is a choice, to hide in the shadows of your life and play the support act in everyone else's, is a result of a deeper story that you are telling yourself on default about your inherent value and your place in this world.

So how can you rebuild your sense of self-worth and step out from the shadows to claim the leading lady role you rightfully deserve in your own life?

Well, the first step is always awareness. You cannot change what you do not know exists. So I encourage you to spend some time and reflect on your life and where you may be showing up in other people's lives to gain acceptance, approval, love or a sense of feeling valued. Or to avoid showing up in your own life because you don't feel worthy or deserving of doing so.

The second step is to look for the stories behind your feelings of unworthiness. Think back as far as you can remember to the first time you felt unworthy, undeserving, unvalued, unloved or unaccepted. What happened to make you feel this way? Then shift the story you told yourself about this event and what it said about who you are to a new, more empowering story that supports you being the worthy star of your own show.

You get to decide what you make everything mean. The problem is, so many of the stories we tell ourselves, are stories we developed in response to things that happened in our childhood. And, let's face it, our innocent child brains were not all that well equipped to make sense of the things we experience as children. So a lot of our stories overlook the other possible explanations that we could have given to the event that might not have caused us to feel these kinds of negative emotions about ourselves.

So brainstorm all the possible alternative explanations that you could have given to that original event that happened that caused you to feel unworthy, undeserving, unvalued, unloved or unaccepted. Then choose one that makes you feel a more positive emotion.

Here's an example for you.

As a child, my grandfather used to call me a watermelon baby and poke what I thought was my chubby little belly and tell me if I kept eating so much watermelon, I would grow a watermelon baby inside my belly from all the watermelon seeds I ate. At the time, I made that mean that he thought I was fat, and that made me feel unloved and rejected. And my child brain decided that meant I wasn't worthy of being loved or accepted.

An alternative explanation for what happened could have been that my grandfather was simply attempting to have some fun and connect with me in our own private little joke. That it really had no other meaning other than that. Now if I think about what happened in this way, I feel very loved and accepted, and in turn worthy of being loved and accepted. You see how this works?

Now, there are going to be a lot of stories you are likely to come up with, that's perfectly normal. Simply work through them one at a time and shift them to a new story that supports your star quality worthiness.

Also know that this process is not necessarily about excusing the wrong behavior of other people and painting a rosy picture of them. But it is about looking through a different lens, looking for ways that you could otherwise explain the event, and ultimately taking back your power and deciding what you make the things that happen mean about you.

And listen, if you have experienced highly traumatic childhood events, you are going to want the support of a qualified professional to help you shift your story. So, I encourage you to seek out that support.

The third thing I can suggest that made a big difference in my own self-worth is to journal. I talked about this in my podcast episode a couple of weeks ago, where I shared my three morning musts for Self-Created success. But essentially, journaling is a fantastic tool for reflection, for rewriting your stories, for creating I AM affirmations to help reinforce new beliefs about yourself, for collecting evidence of your worthiness, and celebrating your wins.

But perhaps most importantly, journaling is a place where you can have a non-critical, non-judgmental daily conversation with your current SELF and also connect with your Future SELF. The you who unapologetically shines in your own life story and does all the things she knows she is here to do.

Journaling will be your best companion on this journey, and I highly encourage you to always have one by your side. I actually made my own daily journal pages available for you to download, so I'll leave a link to those in the show notes for you if you want to grab yourself a copy.

A final couple of tips before I close things out.

One, take a look at your boundaries and where it may support you in putting boundaries in place that protect your time, your energy and your emotional well-being. This may be with other people, and it could be with yourself as well. Communicate your boundaries clearly with others and use your journal to communicate them daily to yourself.

Now some people are not going to like you stepping away from the supporting role in their life to be the star of your own show. I would love to tell you that that won't happen, but the reality is it will. So expect that. And when it happens, remind yourself of your worthiness to put the focus on you, and the true cost of staying stuck playing the support act in everyone else's story.

Remember, you only have this one precious life, my friend. And I promise you that with time, if you are clear, firm and consistent in upholding your boundaries, the people that do matter will accept them and a new dynamic in your relationship will take hold.

My final tip is to seek out support. Working with a coach like myself or another qualified professional can be invaluable in helping you rebuild your self-worth and gain the confidence you need to step into the leading lady role that is reserved for you in your own life story. I've worked with many coaches and mentors over the years, and I continue to do so. It is definitely one of the secrets to becoming a Self-Created Woman.

This has been a really deep episode today. I hope that it has been valuable for you, and you feel inspired to say YES! to claiming your leading lady role. I have created a lot of free resources that you can use to help you on your journey. So definitely head over to my website at https://selfcreationschool.com and take a look around. I'll also leave some useful links in the show notes for you.

For now, I hope you have a beautiful rest of your week. I'll be back for another conversation on creating a life you love next Wednesday.

Until then, be the woman who says YES!

Hey, have you joined my FREE mini-workshop the Week of YES!? This powerful five-day workshop will help you take your foot off the brake and start saying YES! to more of the life you crave. Isn't it time you created a life you're beyond excited to wake up to? It all begins with saying YES!. Head over to https://selfcreationschool.com/weekofyes and get started on your YES! story today. I'll see you there.