This year, I've been experiencing a lot of resistance, the kind of resistance I know deep down is holding me back from fully embracing myself and what I have to bring to the table in this world.

Truthfully, there's been areas of my life where resistance has been an underlying source of friction for some time. Areas like my health, like learning Spanish, like embracing the changes that are happening in my midlife body, along with the constant fight against my naturally curly hair suddenly deciding it prefers to be almost straight. I got to tell you, the fight between me and this straight hair business has been very real.

The thing about resistance is this, it wears a lot of masks that can make it tricky to identify. It very cleverly disguises itself as things like procrastination, perfectionism, busyness, self-doubt, as fear, overwhelm, indecision, making excuses, and even as a self-perceived lack of resources. The belief that you don't have enough time, money, knowledge or support to do the things you say you want to do.

Then there's a little thing called our comfort zone. It feels so much easier to stay inside the confines of what we know, even if what we know is causing us to shrink ourselves and our dreams and make us settle for a life that is less than it truly could be.

The reality is, while it may feel like comfort on the surface, resistance is such a draining energy state to exist in. And the longer you resist the things you could be embracing, the bigger your discomfort will be down the track when you come face to face with your lost time, lost opportunities and lost dreams.

I've been working to clean up a lot of my resistance over these past few months, and it is very much a work in progress. But today I want to share with you some of the things I've been doing and offer you some tips to help you uncover where resistance may be hiding out in your life and stopping you from saying YES! to the life you dream of.

Let's dive in.

Welcome to The Self-Creation School podcast, for women who are ready to ditch mediocrity, step up and get more of what they want, and finally say YES! to a life that sets their soul on fire. I'm your host Leanne Letica, Self-Creation Coach, founder of The Self-Creation School AND Queen of YES!. If you're ready to play life by your own personal rule book, and give yourself permission to say YES! to yourself and your wildest dreams, this podcast is the place for you.

Hello my friend. Welcome to the conversation today, and thanks so much for tuning in. As this podcast goes to air, I will hopefully be in a state of anything but resistance. All going to plan, I will be enjoying one of the many islands in Greece for the day, and perhaps the only kind of resistance I will be needing is resisting that second cocktail on board our cruise as we sail into the sunset for our next stop.

It's not lost on me when I share this that making this kind of life happen, now that I'm living it, feels like a breeze. It was anything but I can tell you, there have definitely been some very dark moments of resistance in my life over the years, and life has definitely shown me its fair share of curveballs.

But isn't it the way that when we have finally done the hard things we spend so much time resisting doing, or resisting believing that we can do, that it feels like they weren't really all that hard. Because most of the things we do are actually not all that hard. It's overcoming our resistance to doing them that's hard.

I had a moment with my curly wannabe straight hair earlier this week that actually inspired this episode. As I said a moment ago, the fight to try and keep my natural curls has been very real. Since we moved to Europe, my curls, month after month, have been becoming straighter and straighter. And month after month, I have been fighting to keep them, trying all sorts of things to make my beautiful curls come back.

And I never actually thought there would come a day where you would hear me say I miss my curls. I have been convinced my whole life that straight hair would be so much easier. Newsflash, it's not. At least, it isn't for me. I mean, I've just spent the last 48 years becoming a master of taming my curly frizz. I have no clue what to do with this straight hair, and that's aside from feeling like a duck out of water wearing my hair straight. It honestly feels like I'm in fancy dress or something.

So earlier this week, after another morning attempting to make my hair look curly and feeling the disappointment of my lost curls yet again, and the frustration of being at a loss for what to do with this new mop I have to deal with every day, I asked myself once again what I was not doing that I could try.

The answer that came to me took me by surprise. I told myself you could let go of what was and embrace what is. You could end this constant fight, this resistance you have to losing your curly hair and use this energy to learn how to make your straight hair your best ever hair. You could be a woman who masters having straight hair just like you were a woman who mastered having curls.

And I thought, wow. I am so right. I could. I could. I could just stop the fight. Stop resisting what wants to be and embrace the discomfort of stepping forward into a version of me who has straight hair. I could embrace the growing pains of learning what on earth to do with it and I could find the courage to cut it into a style that works for straight hair and that flatters my face.

The next question I asked myself is, why don't I? What's stopping me from saying YES! to this? And my answer to that was no surprise. I knew that the one thing that was standing in my way was my identity.

I identify as a woman who has naturally curly hair that for most of my life has been my trademark. It has been the source of conversation and compliments everywhere I went, every day of my life, for all of my life. I very strongly identify with this part of me. It has been an integral part of my self-image for my entire life. And it wasn't a part of me that I was really seeking to change.

But life sometimes has other plans for us. And we can either really resist those plans, and a lot of us do like I have been with this, or we can step into our power to decide what to do with them. To decide who we are going to be because of whatever it is that has been dished out to us. We can fight what is or we can accept and choose what will be.

Anyway, I found all of this to be very interesting for me because, as a Self-Creation Coach, I am very versed in using your identity to create the kind of results you want in your world. Of being the change you want to see. It is the most powerful way I know to transform your reality. It's worked for me time and time again to create some pretty extraordinary results in my life.

And as I said earlier, I have been doing a lot of work these past few months to clean up my resistance to doing some things in my business and in the area of my health and fitness. And I've been spending a lot of time future self journaling and envisioning this next version of me who naturally does the things I would like to do, easily and without resistance.

With that, I am also very versed at looking at what part of my identity I need to let go of to help me be this new version of me. So this epiphany that I had in the bathroom that morning about my hair took me by surprise because I had this whole push pull identity crisis happening that I had been completely blind to. All because it wasn't something I had cherry picked I wanted to change. And I was fighting tooth and nail not to let go of a part of me that no longer wanted to be.

In terms of identity work and Self-Creation, at first it felt like the complete opposite of what I was actively working on doing in those areas of resistance in my business and health and fitness. But in reality, the exact same principles are at play.

Identity work, like resistance, can take on many forms. There are lots of different times in our life where identity transformation is asked of us, not through our own choosing. Where we are asked by our life circumstances to evolve, and we'll be very unhappy until we do.

Like my evolution from being a woman with curly hair to one whose hair is straight. Like when we go through our midlife changes. Like when we experience divorce, or lose a partner, or get made redundant from our lifelong career, and so on.

And there are times where we must ask it of ourselves, when we are choosing for our life to evolve, and therefore we must evolve to make that a reality.

So in one scenario, we must evolve to catch up to our reality, and in the other, we must evolve for our reality to catch up to us. The identity work in both scenarios is actually exactly the same, and the power we have to choose who we be in both scenarios is also the exactly the same. And in both scenarios, letting go of your resistance to evolving who you be is crucial to you being at one with your reality.

So, let me share with you some of the work I've been doing to release my resistance to becoming the next version of both who I want to be because of the life I want and who I choose to be because of the life circumstances that have chosen me.

The first thing for me, and I will say this again and again because you really cannot skip this step, the first thing for me is always awareness. You cannot change what you do not know exists.

So, I have been spending time to sit with the vision I have for my life, and with both my current self and my future self. And I've been asking myself, where is it that I feel resistance? Resistance to doing the things I want to do or being who it is I want to be.

So, I encourage you to spend some time to sit with the vision you have for your life, and with both your current self and your future self. Where is it you feel resistance? Resistance to doing the things you want to do or being who it is you want to be.

Is it in your stories about believing what you want is possible? That you are capable, deserving, and worthy of having this life you want? Is it a resistance to letting go of your current self to step into the future you who has that life? Maybe it's the fear of challenging your norms or being judged by others if you change who you be.

Remember resistance can be disguised as things like procrastination, perfectionism, busyness, self-doubt. It can be disguised as fear, overwhelm, indecision, making excuses. And even as that lack of resources, you convince yourself that you have. That belief that you don't have enough time, money, knowledge or support to do the things you say you want to do.

So where are you maybe procrastinating on doing the things you know will move you closer to the life you want? Where are you avoiding doing them through the mask of busyness? Where are you using busyness as an excuse for not saying YES! to the current you or the future you? That's an interesting one, my friend.

Where do you feel self-doubt, fear? And what specifically do you fear? Where do you feel overwhelmed? What are you confused about or telling yourself you don't know or can't decide? And where are you making excuses for either not taking the action you need to take, for not doing the things that would help you be the future you, or for staying in your comfort zone and continuing to be who it is you are being?

Remember too what I said about staying in your comfort zone. It may seem easier in the short term, but it comes at a big price in the long run. Will you be happy to pay that price? So also take a look at where in your life you are retreating to your comfort zone, where things feel hard, scary, or make you feel uncomfortable.

Take your time and really dig deep to get clear on where you are experiencing resistance in your life. It really is worth spending the time here, as much time as you need to get clear. Because once you are clear, the work to release your resistance can begin.

And there are five main questions that I've been asking myself to help me kickstart that process. So let me share these with you.

The first question is, what are you gaining by staying stuck in your resistance? Trust me, you are gaining something.

Is it not having to risk the unknown? Maybe not facing possible rejection or judgment if you put that reel up on Instagram or pitch that project. Maybe it's not having to feel like you are an imposter. Maybe it's not having to deal with the muscle pain that will come with starting to work out at the gym again. Or maybe it's being able to enjoy the sugar rush that comes with those mid-morning treats you enjoy having with your coffee.

Think about this and be really honest with yourself here. Leave the judgment and criticism aside, and just allow yourself to have an open, honest conversation with you. Allow whatever comes up to be.

And if you really can't think of anything here, go back to the last step. Because it looks like there's another area of resistance you might need to add to whatever it is you've already uncovered. Listen, you are going to find this work very hard if you cannot allow yourself to be open and honest with you. If you have trouble with this question, it's definitely an area of resistance for you to work through.

So, what do you gain by not releasing your resistance? If it helps you answer this question, you can also think about what is it you are trying to avoid?

Then ask yourself, what is your gain costing you? What impact is this having on you living a life you love, on you saying YES! to you and the things you say you want?

Let's say you take the gain, and you don't make any change. You stick with being who it is you're being and living the life you are living. Now I want you to imagine the life you will look back on when you are 95. What regrets might you have? What will you wish you had done that you didn't? Experience that you didn't, have that you didn’t?

Imagine you don't look after your health because you don't want to deal with the short-term muscle pulls and grit it will take to get active. Imagine what living a lifetime of being unfit and unhealthy is going to look like when you are 95. I promise, it's not going to look too exciting and it's likely going to be a whole lot more painful than the short-term pain you are seeking to avoid. Am I right or am I right? Just send me the cheque, you know I am right.

So question number two is, what is your gain costing you? What is the price you are paying or will pay at some point in the future?

Question number three is, what stories are behind your resistance?

For example, if your resistance is showing up as perfectionism and holding you back from launching a new offer in your business because it's not yet quite right, what story are you telling yourself about needing things to be perfect? Again, you will want to dig deep here.

Perfectionism is personally a big one for me. I have struggled with it for as long as I can remember. And through the SELF work I have done, I know it comes from my story that I'm not good enough. So I'm always trying to make up for my self-perceived not-enoughness by making things extra specially perfect. Which of course is an unattainable proposition. So it can, and has in the past, kept me very firmly stuck resisting finishing the thing I need to finish because it might confirm to the world that I am not good enough.

Think about where you identified resistance is showing up in your life and what story or perhaps stories are behind it.

Question number four. Is this story or these stories really true?

I am going to suggest with 99.9999% certainty that your stories are not true. Because here's what I know about stories. Stories are how we make sense of our world. They are the meaning we give to the events that happen in our lives to make sense of them. In particular, the events that happen that cause us to feel intense negative emotions.

But stories are not facts, because facts are something we could all agree on. And when it comes to what you make something mean, there is always at least two, but usually endless, possible stories you could tell about the exact same thing. So, if there can be more than one story given to the same event, both of these stories can't be true, right?

Listen, your stories are fiction. Yes, they feel like your truth because you have likely been telling yourself these stories for a very long time. But they are not the only so-called truth available to you.

Think back to the earliest time you can recall telling yourself this story. What happened to cause you to tell yourself this? If you can, think back all the way to your childhood, because again, with 99.9999% certainty, I can tell you this is where your story began.

And once you have identified the earliest possible time you can think of that you told yourself this story, and what happened, I want you to think about another possible explanation you could have given to that same event.

Let me give you a very personal example of this.

When I was maybe five or six, I remember an afternoon where my father was sitting on the lounge watching the afternoon news. I was excited to see him. It was unusual for him to be home from work or out of the office at that time of day.

So I bounded in, jumped on his lap, blocking his view of the television, and I smiled very happily at him. And he said this to me. Get your ugly dial out of my face. To which, in my childhood naivety, I asked, what's an ugly dial? And he told me, Your face. Get your ugly face out of here.

It's probably no surprise when I tell you that hurt. And I felt very ashamed. I felt embarrassed. Most of all, I felt rejected and unloved. And to make sense of what happened and all these emotions I was feeling, I told myself that I wasn't good enough for my dad to love me.

But now that I'm a much wiser adult brain, I can look back on that afternoon and think of many explanations for what happened. Now, I'm not excusing what my father said to me here, let's be clear about that. In looking for a different explanation, we are not letting bad behavior off the hook. But what we are doing is taking back our power to make it mean something different about us.

Maybe my father had a particularly ugly day at work that day, and he came home very stressed about what this was going to mean about his ability to provide for his family. In pops me, and my father reacts from a state of his own internal ugliness.

It could have been my brother or sister that he said the same thing to. It could have been my mum. You see, it's possible that this was nothing to do with me whatsoever. I wasn't even in it. It was everything to do with something my dad was experiencing.

Now when I think about that being a possible explanation, I feel so much love and compassion for my dad, for the stress he was under trying to ensure us kids had everything we needed. And it makes me feel very loved to know we mattered so much that he was prepared to front up for those ugly days that sometimes happen when you run your own business.

So since there is another possible explanation for what happened, is my story really true? No, it's just what my immature, undeveloped child brain decided to make that event mean at the time.

Again, I'm not excusing my father's remarks. I'm choosing to see them in a different light that changes what this whole event means about me. I'm just looking for an explanation that makes me feel a more positive emotion and to believe something more positive about myself, or at the very least a neutral emotion.

Now I will say that I've spoken to my father about this, and he has no recollection of this event and yet it has been a life changing event for me because of the story I told myself that I chose to believe as the truth for so, so many years.

As a child everything is impactful. Our brains are like sponges and we just don't have the experience, the wisdom and the logic to be able to see things more objectively like we can now. The thing is, we very often spend our entire adult life operating from the truths we created with our child brain. We make decisions as an adult with the truths that belong to a child.

Think about that. Would you call up a five-year-old to help you decide whether or not you are good enough to take action towards your goal? Would you ask that same five-year-old if you are making the right decision? If that five-year-old came to you and told you the story that they were not good enough, that they were not lovable, would you agree with them? Would you say yes, you're right. You're not good enough, and no one will ever love you? Something to think about.

So what other explanation can you give to the event that happened that caused you to tell yourself this story? And if you can find even just one possible explanation, is your original story really true?

Okay, so the fifth and final question I ask myself is this, what story can I tell myself that would serve me in releasing my resistance?

So what story can you tell yourself that would serve you in releasing your resistance? If you think about your alternative explanation, how does this make you feel? And how would your belief about yourself change if this had been your story way back when?

If I think about my alternative story, I feel loved and cared for. I feel like I matter, and my belief that I am not good enough to be loved changes to I am loved, I am valued, and I do matter. I am good enough to be loved, valued and to matter. So therefore, I am enough.

Now using my perfectionism as an example, with this story of being enough, I am going to take very different action. I'm no longer going to feel resistance to finishing an offer, let's say, and putting it out there because I now know I am enough. And my value isn't determined by what I offer. I am valuable no matter what.

My worth doesn't depend on what people think about my work, what I offer, how they judge it, or even if what I offer is a complete flop and my market completely rejects it. My value as a human being doesn't depend on that external validation or approval because my truth is that I am enough, just as I am.

And if something flops, by the way, this is a good example of how your action can change. If my market rejects an offer I make, because I am no longer going to see that as a rejection of me personally, chances are, I'm going to be able to look objectively at what didn't work, look at what the issues were, learn from them, and put a new offer right back out there.

So I am going to approach things with a vastly different mindset and a much more empowered mindset. And when you can keep taking action no matter how things pan out, you are going to create massive momentum in your life, my friend.

So do you see how this works? What story can you tell yourself that would serve you in releasing your resistance?

And once you have done all of this hard work, and I promise you it will be so worth your while, you know what it is you're resisting, what you gain by keeping your resistance, what it's costing you, what stories are behind your resistance, and what stories could help you release it, it's time to put all of this into play and release your resistance.

How can you do that? Maybe you guessed. Through who you be, your identity. Who did you become with this new story and what parts of your existing identity do you need to let go of to make room for this new you?

This is where I spend some time to look back over everything I've uncovered during that five question reflection process and I ask myself first and foremost, do I want to change?

If I look at what I'm gaining by staying as is, and I consider what it's costing me or potentially costing me, do I want to be someone different so I can create something different in my life? Or am I actually really happy to stay right where I am, living out my every day, just as I am?

It's important that you make this decision intentionally to be able to release your resistance. Either you're leaving things as is, or you're changing things up. Because this decision is what is going to help you accept what's next. To accept either letting go of your old self, or parts of it, you as you know you right now. Or letting go of the life you want.

Either way, you are going to want to accept this as a decision that you had the power to make, and you like your reasons for doing so. You are happy to pay the price either way, the price of your gain by leaving things as is, or the price of your discomfort as you step into the new you. If you don't decide this, you will stay stuck in your resistance.

Like me with my curly hair dramas. Until I decided, I resisted.

I needed to make a decision to either pay the price of trying to stay as is, which meant accepting that I would do battle with my hair every day, and my self-confidence would also be a battle every day. That was the price I would likely pay for not stepping into a new me.

The gain, of course, being that I didn't have to do the work to learn how to deal with straight hair, to maybe find the courage to cut it into a new style and to see myself as a woman with straight hair. Or I can make the decision that the cost of the gain outweighed the cost of my discomfort of stepping into a new me.

Either decision would allow me to release my resistance. But it requires a decision, and it requires that you like your decision, that you accept it. Because it is only through this acceptance that you will be happy and content to either let go of your old self or let go of your new life.

So, what you have made your decision, either way, get clear on who you will be because of this decision. What kind of woman will you be? If you stay put, who will you be? If you step forward, who will you be?

I say get clear on who you will be if you stay put because honestly, it's important that you think about this and you do like who you will be. This could very well make you rethink your earlier decision to stay put, or not, but it is a great way to double check.

Who will you be? What kind of woman are you in either scenario?

Think about the values you will have, the standards for yourself, your traits and qualities. How you think, act and feel. How you show up in your world. What you believe about yourself. How you live out your days. What you do and what you don't. Who you spend time with. What conversations you have and don't have. And so on and so forth. Think about every part of your life and who you will be in it.

And if you have decided to step into a new you, think about what it is you have been resisting doing. Like starting those workouts, like putting an offer out into the world, like posting that Instagram reel or getting up in front of the room to speak.

Think about the thing you have been resisting doing and how the new you would naturally and effortlessly do this thing. How she would do it without resistance. What would she believe about doing it and her capability to do so? How would she think and feel about it? And so on.

Then the only thing left to do is go about being this version of you.

Remember, we are not sitting on the fence being half in, half out. If you've decided to stay put, go all in and love who you be. If you've decided to step into a new you, go all in, know that you are worthy of being her and learn to love being her. This is your only job now that you have decided and released your resistance.

Now if you are stepping into a new you, will you get it right straight away? No, you won't. But that doesn't mean you can't. That doesn't mean the new you is not for you. You get to decide that she is, and you get to decide what you make your progress mean, no matter whether it's forward, sideways or backwards.

Remember the decision you made and why you made it. Remember the price you decided was the better price to pay. Then keep on practicing stepping into the shoes of the new you every single day.

I love scheduling who I be onto my calendar. For example, if I am a woman who has straight hair, I know I am going to require much more regular maintenance. So I am going to go right ahead and put those regular hair appointments onto my schedule.

I actually talk about scheduling who you be onto your calendar in episode 16 of this podcast, and that episode is called How to Show Up for Yourself and Your Dreams. I definitely recommend checking that out if you haven't already. Using my calendar to help me become who I want to be has been an absolute game-changing thing to do, and it has really helped me fast-track my results like nothing else.

So, we have covered a lot of ground today. I hope you have found this episode insightful and that it has inspired you to look at where resistance may be hiding out in your life and stopping you from saying YES! to the life you dream of. Go find it, release it, and I'll see you in next week's episode.

Until then, be the woman who says YES!

Hey, want to know what's stopping you from saying YES! to you and a life you love?

Head over to https://selfcreationschool.com/yesblock and take my FREE 60 second quiz to find out what's standing in your way today and I'll send you my Self-Creation Shift process for shifting it.

That's https://selfcreationschool.com/yesblock. I’ll see you there.

This year, I've been experiencing a lot of resistance, the kind of resistance I know deep down is holding me back from fully embracing myself and what I have to bring to the table in this world.

Truthfully, there's been areas of my life where resistance has been an underlying source of friction for some time. Areas like my health, like learning Spanish, like embracing the changes that are happening in my midlife body, along with the constant fight against my naturally curly hair suddenly deciding it prefers to be almost straight. I got to tell you, the fight between me and this straight hair business has been very real.

The thing about resistance is this, it wears a lot of masks that can make it tricky to identify. It very cleverly disguises itself as things like procrastination, perfectionism, busyness, self-doubt, as fear, overwhelm, indecision, making excuses, and even as a self-perceived lack of resources. The belief that you don't have enough time, money, knowledge or support to do the things you say you want to do.

Then there's a little thing called our comfort zone. It feels so much easier to stay inside the confines of what we know, even if what we know is causing us to shrink ourselves and our dreams and make us settle for a life that is less than it truly could be.

The reality is, while it may feel like comfort on the surface, resistance is such a draining energy state to exist in. And the longer you resist the things you could be embracing, the bigger your discomfort will be down the track when you come face to face with your lost time, lost opportunities and lost dreams.

I've been working to clean up a lot of my resistance over these past few months, and it is very much a work in progress. But today I want to share with you some of the things I've been doing and offer you some tips to help you uncover where resistance may be hiding out in your life and stopping you from saying YES! to the life you dream of.

Let's dive in.

Welcome to The Self-Creation School podcast, for women who are ready to ditch mediocrity, step up and get more of what they want, and finally say YES! to a life that sets their soul on fire. I'm your host Leanne Letica, Self-Creation Coach, founder of The Self-Creation School AND Queen of YES!. If you're ready to play life by your own personal rule book, and give yourself permission to say YES! to yourself and your wildest dreams, this podcast is the place for you.

Hello my friend. Welcome to the conversation today, and thanks so much for tuning in. As this podcast goes to air, I will hopefully be in a state of anything but resistance. All going to plan, I will be enjoying one of the many islands in Greece for the day, and perhaps the only kind of resistance I will be needing is resisting that second cocktail on board our cruise as we sail into the sunset for our next stop.

It's not lost on me when I share this that making this kind of life happen, now that I'm living it, feels like a breeze. It was anything but I can tell you, there have definitely been some very dark moments of resistance in my life over the years, and life has definitely shown me its fair share of curveballs.

But isn't it the way that when we have finally done the hard things we spend so much time resisting doing, or resisting believing that we can do, that it feels like they weren't really all that hard. Because most of the things we do are actually not all that hard. It's overcoming our resistance to doing them that's hard.

I had a moment with my curly wannabe straight hair earlier this week that actually inspired this episode. As I said a moment ago, the fight to try and keep my natural curls has been very real. Since we moved to Europe, my curls, month after month, have been becoming straighter and straighter. And month after month, I have been fighting to keep them, trying all sorts of things to make my beautiful curls come back.

And I never actually thought there would come a day where you would hear me say I miss my curls. I have been convinced my whole life that straight hair would be so much easier. Newsflash, it's not. At least, it isn't for me. I mean, I've just spent the last 48 years becoming a master of taming my curly frizz. I have no clue what to do with this straight hair, and that's aside from feeling like a duck out of water wearing my hair straight. It honestly feels like I'm in fancy dress or something.

So earlier this week, after another morning attempting to make my hair look curly and feeling the disappointment of my lost curls yet again, and the frustration of being at a loss for what to do with this new mop I have to deal with every day, I asked myself once again what I was not doing that I could try.

The answer that came to me took me by surprise. I told myself you could let go of what was and embrace what is. You could end this constant fight, this resistance you have to losing your curly hair and use this energy to learn how to make your straight hair your best ever hair. You could be a woman who masters having straight hair just like you were a woman who mastered having curls.

And I thought, wow. I am so right. I could. I could. I could just stop the fight. Stop resisting what wants to be and embrace the discomfort of stepping forward into a version of me who has straight hair. I could embrace the growing pains of learning what on earth to do with it and I could find the courage to cut it into a style that works for straight hair and that flatters my face.

The next question I asked myself is, why don't I? What's stopping me from saying YES! to this? And my answer to that was no surprise. I knew that the one thing that was standing in my way was my identity.

I identify as a woman who has naturally curly hair that for most of my life has been my trademark. It has been the source of conversation and compliments everywhere I went, every day of my life, for all of my life. I very strongly identify with this part of me. It has been an integral part of my self-image for my entire life. And it wasn't a part of me that I was really seeking to change.

But life sometimes has other plans for us. And we can either really resist those plans, and a lot of us do like I have been with this, or we can step into our power to decide what to do with them. To decide who we are going to be because of whatever it is that has been dished out to us. We can fight what is or we can accept and choose what will be.

Anyway, I found all of this to be very interesting for me because, as a Self-Creation Coach, I am very versed in using your identity to create the kind of results you want in your world. Of being the change you want to see. It is the most powerful way I know to transform your reality. It's worked for me time and time again to create some pretty extraordinary results in my life.

And as I said earlier, I have been doing a lot of work these past few months to clean up my resistance to doing some things in my business and in the area of my health and fitness. And I've been spending a lot of time future self journaling and envisioning this next version of me who naturally does the things I would like to do, easily and without resistance.

With that, I am also very versed at looking at what part of my identity I need to let go of to help me be this new version of me. So this epiphany that I had in the bathroom that morning about my hair took me by surprise because I had this whole push pull identity crisis happening that I had been completely blind to. All because it wasn't something I had cherry picked I wanted to change. And I was fighting tooth and nail not to let go of a part of me that no longer wanted to be.

In terms of identity work and Self-Creation, at first it felt like the complete opposite of what I was actively working on doing in those areas of resistance in my business and health and fitness. But in reality, the exact same principles are at play.

Identity work, like resistance, can take on many forms. There are lots of different times in our life where identity transformation is asked of us, not through our own choosing. Where we are asked by our life circumstances to evolve, and we'll be very unhappy until we do.

Like my evolution from being a woman with curly hair to one whose hair is straight. Like when we go through our midlife changes. Like when we experience divorce, or lose a partner, or get made redundant from our lifelong career, and so on.

And there are times where we must ask it of ourselves, when we are choosing for our life to evolve, and therefore we must evolve to make that a reality.

So in one scenario, we must evolve to catch up to our reality, and in the other, we must evolve for our reality to catch up to us. The identity work in both scenarios is actually exactly the same, and the power we have to choose who we be in both scenarios is also the exactly the same. And in both scenarios, letting go of your resistance to evolving who you be is crucial to you being at one with your reality.

So, let me share with you some of the work I've been doing to release my resistance to becoming the next version of both who I want to be because of the life I want and who I choose to be because of the life circumstances that have chosen me.

The first thing for me, and I will say this again and again because you really cannot skip this step, the first thing for me is always awareness. You cannot change what you do not know exists.

So, I have been spending time to sit with the vision I have for my life, and with both my current self and my future self. And I've been asking myself, where is it that I feel resistance? Resistance to doing the things I want to do or being who it is I want to be.

So, I encourage you to spend some time to sit with the vision you have for your life, and with both your current self and your future self. Where is it you feel resistance? Resistance to doing the things you want to do or being who it is you want to be.

Is it in your stories about believing what you want is possible? That you are capable, deserving, and worthy of having this life you want? Is it a resistance to letting go of your current self to step into the future you who has that life? Maybe it's the fear of challenging your norms or being judged by others if you change who you be.

Remember resistance can be disguised as things like procrastination, perfectionism, busyness, self-doubt. It can be disguised as fear, overwhelm, indecision, making excuses. And even as that lack of resources, you convince yourself that you have. That belief that you don't have enough time, money, knowledge or support to do the things you say you want to do.

So where are you maybe procrastinating on doing the things you know will move you closer to the life you want? Where are you avoiding doing them through the mask of busyness? Where are you using busyness as an excuse for not saying YES! to the current you or the future you? That's an interesting one, my friend.

Where do you feel self-doubt, fear? And what specifically do you fear? Where do you feel overwhelmed? What are you confused about or telling yourself you don't know or can't decide? And where are you making excuses for either not taking the action you need to take, for not doing the things that would help you be the future you, or for staying in your comfort zone and continuing to be who it is you are being?

Remember too what I said about staying in your comfort zone. It may seem easier in the short term, but it comes at a big price in the long run. Will you be happy to pay that price? So also take a look at where in your life you are retreating to your comfort zone, where things feel hard, scary, or make you feel uncomfortable.

Take your time and really dig deep to get clear on where you are experiencing resistance in your life. It really is worth spending the time here, as much time as you need to get clear. Because once you are clear, the work to release your resistance can begin.

And there are five main questions that I've been asking myself to help me kickstart that process. So let me share these with you.

The first question is, what are you gaining by staying stuck in your resistance? Trust me, you are gaining something.

Is it not having to risk the unknown? Maybe not facing possible rejection or judgment if you put that reel up on Instagram or pitch that project. Maybe it's not having to feel like you are an imposter. Maybe it's not having to deal with the muscle pain that will come with starting to work out at the gym again. Or maybe it's being able to enjoy the sugar rush that comes with those mid-morning treats you enjoy having with your coffee.

Think about this and be really honest with yourself here. Leave the judgment and criticism aside, and just allow yourself to have an open, honest conversation with you. Allow whatever comes up to be.

And if you really can't think of anything here, go back to the last step. Because it looks like there's another area of resistance you might need to add to whatever it is you've already uncovered. Listen, you are going to find this work very hard if you cannot allow yourself to be open and honest with you. If you have trouble with this question, it's definitely an area of resistance for you to work through.

So, what do you gain by not releasing your resistance? If it helps you answer this question, you can also think about what is it you are trying to avoid?

Then ask yourself, what is your gain costing you? What impact is this having on you living a life you love, on you saying YES! to you and the things you say you want?

Let's say you take the gain, and you don't make any change. You stick with being who it is you're being and living the life you are living. Now I want you to imagine the life you will look back on when you are 95. What regrets might you have? What will you wish you had done that you didn't? Experience that you didn't, have that you didn’t?

Imagine you don't look after your health because you don't want to deal with the short-term muscle pulls and grit it will take to get active. Imagine what living a lifetime of being unfit and unhealthy is going to look like when you are 95. I promise, it's not going to look too exciting and it's likely going to be a whole lot more painful than the short-term pain you are seeking to avoid. Am I right or am I right? Just send me the cheque, you know I am right.

So question number two is, what is your gain costing you? What is the price you are paying or will pay at some point in the future?

Question number three is, what stories are behind your resistance?

For example, if your resistance is showing up as perfectionism and holding you back from launching a new offer in your business because it's not yet quite right, what story are you telling yourself about needing things to be perfect? Again, you will want to dig deep here.

Perfectionism is personally a big one for me. I have struggled with it for as long as I can remember. And through the SELF work I have done, I know it comes from my story that I'm not good enough. So I'm always trying to make up for my self-perceived not-enoughness by making things extra specially perfect. Which of course is an unattainable proposition. So it can, and has in the past, kept me very firmly stuck resisting finishing the thing I need to finish because it might confirm to the world that I am not good enough.

Think about where you identified resistance is showing up in your life and what story or perhaps stories are behind it.

Question number four. Is this story or these stories really true?

I am going to suggest with 99.9999% certainty that your stories are not true. Because here's what I know about stories. Stories are how we make sense of our world. They are the meaning we give to the events that happen in our lives to make sense of them. In particular, the events that happen that cause us to feel intense negative emotions.

But stories are not facts, because facts are something we could all agree on. And when it comes to what you make something mean, there is always at least two, but usually endless, possible stories you could tell about the exact same thing. So, if there can be more than one story given to the same event, both of these stories can't be true, right?

Listen, your stories are fiction. Yes, they feel like your truth because you have likely been telling yourself these stories for a very long time. But they are not the only so-called truth available to you.

Think back to the earliest time you can recall telling yourself this story. What happened to cause you to tell yourself this? If you can, think back all the way to your childhood, because again, with 99.9999% certainty, I can tell you this is where your story began.

And once you have identified the earliest possible time you can think of that you told yourself this story, and what happened, I want you to think about another possible explanation you could have given to that same event.

Let me give you a very personal example of this.

When I was maybe five or six, I remember an afternoon where my father was sitting on the lounge watching the afternoon news. I was excited to see him. It was unusual for him to be home from work or out of the office at that time of day.

So I bounded in, jumped on his lap, blocking his view of the television, and I smiled very happily at him. And he said this to me. Get your ugly dial out of my face. To which, in my childhood naivety, I asked, what's an ugly dial? And he told me, Your face. Get your ugly face out of here.

It's probably no surprise when I tell you that hurt. And I felt very ashamed. I felt embarrassed. Most of all, I felt rejected and unloved. And to make sense of what happened and all these emotions I was feeling, I told myself that I wasn't good enough for my dad to love me.

But now that I'm a much wiser adult brain, I can look back on that afternoon and think of many explanations for what happened. Now, I'm not excusing what my father said to me here, let's be clear about that. In looking for a different explanation, we are not letting bad behavior off the hook. But what we are doing is taking back our power to make it mean something different about us.

Maybe my father had a particularly ugly day at work that day, and he came home very stressed about what this was going to mean about his ability to provide for his family. In pops me, and my father reacts from a state of his own internal ugliness.

It could have been my brother or sister that he said the same thing to. It could have been my mum. You see, it's possible that this was nothing to do with me whatsoever. I wasn't even in it. It was everything to do with something my dad was experiencing.

Now when I think about that being a possible explanation, I feel so much love and compassion for my dad, for the stress he was under trying to ensure us kids had everything we needed. And it makes me feel very loved to know we mattered so much that he was prepared to front up for those ugly days that sometimes happen when you run your own business.

So since there is another possible explanation for what happened, is my story really true? No, it's just what my immature, undeveloped child brain decided to make that event mean at the time.

Again, I'm not excusing my father's remarks. I'm choosing to see them in a different light that changes what this whole event means about me. I'm just looking for an explanation that makes me feel a more positive emotion and to believe something more positive about myself, or at the very least a neutral emotion.

Now I will say that I've spoken to my father about this, and he has no recollection of this event and yet it has been a life changing event for me because of the story I told myself that I chose to believe as the truth for so, so many years.

As a child everything is impactful. Our brains are like sponges and we just don't have the experience, the wisdom and the logic to be able to see things more objectively like we can now. The thing is, we very often spend our entire adult life operating from the truths we created with our child brain. We make decisions as an adult with the truths that belong to a child.

Think about that. Would you call up a five-year-old to help you decide whether or not you are good enough to take action towards your goal? Would you ask that same five-year-old if you are making the right decision? If that five-year-old came to you and told you the story that they were not good enough, that they were not lovable, would you agree with them? Would you say yes, you're right. You're not good enough, and no one will ever love you? Something to think about.

So what other explanation can you give to the event that happened that caused you to tell yourself this story? And if you can find even just one possible explanation, is your original story really true?

Okay, so the fifth and final question I ask myself is this, what story can I tell myself that would serve me in releasing my resistance?

So what story can you tell yourself that would serve you in releasing your resistance? If you think about your alternative explanation, how does this make you feel? And how would your belief about yourself change if this had been your story way back when?

If I think about my alternative story, I feel loved and cared for. I feel like I matter, and my belief that I am not good enough to be loved changes to I am loved, I am valued, and I do matter. I am good enough to be loved, valued and to matter. So therefore, I am enough.

Now using my perfectionism as an example, with this story of being enough, I am going to take very different action. I'm no longer going to feel resistance to finishing an offer, let's say, and putting it out there because I now know I am enough. And my value isn't determined by what I offer. I am valuable no matter what.

My worth doesn't depend on what people think about my work, what I offer, how they judge it, or even if what I offer is a complete flop and my market completely rejects it. My value as a human being doesn't depend on that external validation or approval because my truth is that I am enough, just as I am.

And if something flops, by the way, this is a good example of how your action can change. If my market rejects an offer I make, because I am no longer going to see that as a rejection of me personally, chances are, I'm going to be able to look objectively at what didn't work, look at what the issues were, learn from them, and put a new offer right back out there.

So I am going to approach things with a vastly different mindset and a much more empowered mindset. And when you can keep taking action no matter how things pan out, you are going to create massive momentum in your life, my friend.

So do you see how this works? What story can you tell yourself that would serve you in releasing your resistance?

And once you have done all of this hard work, and I promise you it will be so worth your while, you know what it is you're resisting, what you gain by keeping your resistance, what it's costing you, what stories are behind your resistance, and what stories could help you release it, it's time to put all of this into play and release your resistance.

How can you do that? Maybe you guessed. Through who you be, your identity. Who did you become with this new story and what parts of your existing identity do you need to let go of to make room for this new you?

This is where I spend some time to look back over everything I've uncovered during that five question reflection process and I ask myself first and foremost, do I want to change?

If I look at what I'm gaining by staying as is, and I consider what it's costing me or potentially costing me, do I want to be someone different so I can create something different in my life? Or am I actually really happy to stay right where I am, living out my every day, just as I am?

It's important that you make this decision intentionally to be able to release your resistance. Either you're leaving things as is, or you're changing things up. Because this decision is what is going to help you accept what's next. To accept either letting go of your old self, or parts of it, you as you know you right now. Or letting go of the life you want.

Either way, you are going to want to accept this as a decision that you had the power to make, and you like your reasons for doing so. You are happy to pay the price either way, the price of your gain by leaving things as is, or the price of your discomfort as you step into the new you. If you don't decide this, you will stay stuck in your resistance.

Like me with my curly hair dramas. Until I decided, I resisted.

I needed to make a decision to either pay the price of trying to stay as is, which meant accepting that I would do battle with my hair every day, and my self-confidence would also be a battle every day. That was the price I would likely pay for not stepping into a new me.

The gain, of course, being that I didn't have to do the work to learn how to deal with straight hair, to maybe find the courage to cut it into a new style and to see myself as a woman with straight hair. Or I can make the decision that the cost of the gain outweighed the cost of my discomfort of stepping into a new me.

Either decision would allow me to release my resistance. But it requires a decision, and it requires that you like your decision, that you accept it. Because it is only through this acceptance that you will be happy and content to either let go of your old self or let go of your new life.

So, what you have made your decision, either way, get clear on who you will be because of this decision. What kind of woman will you be? If you stay put, who will you be? If you step forward, who will you be?

I say get clear on who you will be if you stay put because honestly, it's important that you think about this and you do like who you will be. This could very well make you rethink your earlier decision to stay put, or not, but it is a great way to double check.

Who will you be? What kind of woman are you in either scenario?

Think about the values you will have, the standards for yourself, your traits and qualities. How you think, act and feel. How you show up in your world. What you believe about yourself. How you live out your days. What you do and what you don't. Who you spend time with. What conversations you have and don't have. And so on and so forth. Think about every part of your life and who you will be in it.

And if you have decided to step into a new you, think about what it is you have been resisting doing. Like starting those workouts, like putting an offer out into the world, like posting that Instagram reel or getting up in front of the room to speak.

Think about the thing you have been resisting doing and how the new you would naturally and effortlessly do this thing. How she would do it without resistance. What would she believe about doing it and her capability to do so? How would she think and feel about it? And so on.

Then the only thing left to do is go about being this version of you.

Remember, we are not sitting on the fence being half in, half out. If you've decided to stay put, go all in and love who you be. If you've decided to step into a new you, go all in, know that you are worthy of being her and learn to love being her. This is your only job now that you have decided and released your resistance.

Now if you are stepping into a new you, will you get it right straight away? No, you won't. But that doesn't mean you can't. That doesn't mean the new you is not for you. You get to decide that she is, and you get to decide what you make your progress mean, no matter whether it's forward, sideways or backwards.

Remember the decision you made and why you made it. Remember the price you decided was the better price to pay. Then keep on practicing stepping into the shoes of the new you every single day.

I love scheduling who I be onto my calendar. For example, if I am a woman who has straight hair, I know I am going to require much more regular maintenance. So I am going to go right ahead and put those regular hair appointments onto my schedule.

I actually talk about scheduling who you be onto your calendar in episode 16 of this podcast, and that episode is called How to Show Up for Yourself and Your Dreams. I definitely recommend checking that out if you haven't already. Using my calendar to help me become who I want to be has been an absolute game-changing thing to do, and it has really helped me fast-track my results like nothing else.

So, we have covered a lot of ground today. I hope you have found this episode insightful and that it has inspired you to look at where resistance may be hiding out in your life and stopping you from saying YES! to the life you dream of. Go find it, release it, and I'll see you in next week's episode.

Until then, be the woman who says YES!

Hey, want to know what's stopping you from saying YES! to you and a life you love?

Head over to https://selfcreationschool.com/yesblock and take my FREE 60 second quiz to find out what's standing in your way today and I'll send you my Self-Creation Shift process for shifting it.

That's https://selfcreationschool.com/yesblock. I’ll see you there.